[jasondbel]

She met someone else. She is playing the feel like I said in the beginning.

[jasondbel]

She doesn't need you confused. If she contacts you its because she wants to. She doesn't seen like a gameplaying person. She seems to have a lot going on. It seems her time is accounted for. Every last second of the day is counted for. While you are sitting by the phone writing on the computer she is out having a blast. She is talking to other guys, she is partying she is having a damn good time. Like I said on my first message, girls just want to have fun. She doesn't want the lovey dovey bull. She did but its gone. Its tainted. I know a handful of people that have been together over 20 yrs. GOD, I would never want to be in their shoes because she wants to go, she is taking everything with her. The house, the dog everything. You need not fall so hard. Life and love should not be so serious. A female is a business deal. You are not profitting. You are losing your most vital asset-your self energy. If you are so eager beaver to have this girl at such a young age, its because you have no life and you are sooo not thiking about your future. Let her go. I would put a girl in yuour lap right now if I was by u.

[Homegirl 50]

There is nothing wrong with being in a long relationship when you're young if you're with the right person. It does not mean you have no life. I could mean you don't need to party till you drop.
I met my husband when I was 19 married him when I was 22. I've been married 32 years. I had a life, I just did not have the desire to go from one relationship to the next.

[jasondbel]

Like I said I know a handful of people who have been together over 20 yrs. I know a hell of a lot more who were together for a over 5 yrs. And the male had to start over. I know double that that lost everything at 60 and moved from a millionaire to homelss overnight. The man came home from work, she says I want you out of here he is confused she calls the police the police escort him out his home (because she never worked) he is now in a hotel she changes the locks, he still doesn't know what he did, he tries to go home again (his home for thirty years with her) she calls the police says he's stalking her the police put him in jail she files restraining order he loses his kids (she was the first one to begin the process) he loses everything. F@#$ that! See it all the time. The next time you pass a homeless man on the street think about this story! I see a handfull of people that have been together I see thousands who lost everything chasing after a girl who didn't know what she wanted all for puutnanny

[freakinconfused]

Ok, I have an update for you guys! Unfortunately, I don't think I have time to type it all out right now, so I will soon. And when I do, I will try to keep it concise - I know I have a tendency to ramble. Check back soon!

[freakinconfused]

This was going to be a positive update, but considering how this morning went, I think this whole thing has fallen apart.

Since last time I've posted things have taken a positive turn. I took Homegirl's advice and started resuming casual convos with her. Not going to fast, or slow, just going with the flow. I decided that I would avoid game playing and be honest to avoid getting caught stumbling over lies, etc. I also decided I would give her the benefit of the doubt and trust that she wouldn't play games. So, I resumed casual contact by asking her to lunch, and things started looking up.

Last time I posted she was ignoring my calls because I was ignoring hers. I decided I didn't want to play games anymore, so I started calling her if I felt like it. She would return my calls, but an hour or two afterward. I didn't think that was right, because I felt if we are working on our relationship we should be excited when we called each other and would want to answer right away. I basically figured that I had to be firm with this girl, and tell her that when I call, I'd like for her to answer, because she said she wanted to "work on things" and should be available when I call her. And she started to answer from then on out. After that, she started calling me frequently and sending texts without me having to say anything to her. Then she started ACTING like she wanted to work on us instead of just saying it. All of our convos were great - enjoyed them all! She spent the night before I started at my new job location, and that was an awesome time!

She then came to the town I live about week ago for Thanksgiving. We hung out every night. We went out drinking with my friends. We watched movies. She spent the night twice. We talked about the relationship only once while she was here, and didn't really get anywhere except that she still wanted to move off to a big city and that was one of her biggest goals in life. I told her I also would like to get out of this area but I think working on the relationship is the more important thing. She said she agreed, but I got the vibe that she didn't. She finally went home Monday, but we talked on the phone that night, and made plans for me to come out Tues night (last night) and stay.

So I get there last night and she's made an awesome dinner. We hang out, watch TV, drink some wine, etc. and had a great time! All of the pics of me are still up in the apartment, and all the drawings I did for her are as well (which is weird because I took my pics of her and put them under my bed. I forgot to get them out last time she came over even though I'd had them out previous times - she didn't seem to notice at all). So, I end up crashing there. So, I wake up at like 6 in the morning, and she's asleep. For some reason I decide that I'll get her cell phone and look at her texts. I know, that's snooping and being paranoid and perhaps morally questionable, but I figured if she's being truthful about saying there's no one else and wants to work on us, and if she has nothing to hide, then what's it going to hurt? So, I find several texts from this guy who shall remain nameless. The messages stretch from about 10 days ago to about 2 months ago (2 or 3 weeks after she dumped me). The messages contain little info, but there is a few that say things like "sorry about last night, we'll have to reschedule" and "I'm headed over now" and other things like that. There was also a message that said something like "I wish you were in bed with me," or something similar. I also read a message that she sent to him saying something like "Where are you? I want to see you naked." So I basically flip out in my head and read all of them twice. I wanted to make sure that I was really reading these. I felt like I needed to write them down so that I could use them as ammo when I brought it up to her. But I didn't, I figured just the fact that they were there spoke for themselves. Also, her call history showed that she called this guy only eight days ago - the same night I called her and told her that I expect her to answer the phone when I called.

So I lay in bed for about 2 1/2 hours and decide that I'm going to tell her what I've found. So she wakes up in the morning, and while she's in the bathroom getting ready I get her phone and walk in and say "So who's ***"? She immediately looks at me with the expression that reads "Oh $#!t, I'm busted." She then grabs the phone and asks why I'm going through her texts. I told her I was just playing with her phone and came across the text that said "I want to see you naked" and that I thought it was a joke, but now that she's acting paranoid I think there's something more to it. This was a total lie, I looked at all her texts, but I didn't want to give that away. I ask her again who this person was. She told me a friend and coworker. I said I'm not stupid, and that I know it's someone she's seeing, and that I can't believe she's been lying this whole time, especially after I've asked her 20 times if there was someone else. I asked her if this was the guy she made out with and she said yes. I said that I'm sure that's not all she did with him, and then I then tried to leave, but she raced to the font door, locked it and stood in front of it, and screamed in panic at me that I can't leave and that I need to stay and talk, etc. I then screamed at her to let me out right now. This went back and forth, she finally let me out. I went down to my car, got in, backed out of the parking spot. She then came running down and over to my passenger door and tried to open it but it was locked. I looked at her and then just drove away.

She then proceeded to call me 3 times and left a message sobbing and begging me to call her, and that she isn't lying to me and that she can prove it, and that she loves me and wants to work on the relationship, etc. So, I drive across the street and sit in the parking lot waiting for to leave for work. She didn't. So I called her, and told her that I want her to leave so I can get the rest of my stuff so I don't ever have to come back there again. She said OK and started begging me to talk and I told her I didn't want to. Then my phone died. I drove over, went upstairs and started getting my stuff. She wasn't there but then she came in - she had been walking the dog. She tried to talk to me about it - but now instead of being in a panic like she was before, I could see that she was trying to formulate a way out of this in her head and was getting aggressive. She told me that she was telling the truth and asked me to show her the text I saw. So I showed her the one she sent saying "I want to see you naked." She told me that she didn't even send that text, and that it was a joke because someone was messing with her phone that night. She then showed me another text that was supposedly a joke text as well. I didn't buy it and I told her she'd better not try to make me out as the bad guy because it won't work. She said she hadn't talked to this guy in 2 months. I told her that was bull$#!t - her call history showed that she talked to him 8 days ago. She then said she had to work with him so she had to call him some. We then got into an argument about how she wasn't lying to me but I thought she was, but she couldn't do anything to prove that she wasn't except to tell me that she wasn't and hope I'd believe her and trust her. I told her seeing these texts didn't help at all, and if she had told me who it was she "made out with" the first time I asked then I might not be freaking out so much. I told her we are not on the same page - about moving to a big city, about being with other people so soon after a break, etc. She told me that she didn't move yet and would have if she didn't want to be with me, and is going to move to the town I live in and stay with her mom because she wants to be with me. Little does she know that I read a text from this guy saying that he was at his mom's house in ***, which is the town I live in, so I know that he's probably here some as well. I told her that if she actually felt the way I did then I don't see how she could have done anything with anyone else only 3 weeks after dumping me. I told her I hadn't got to that point yet and it's been almost 3 months. Anyway, I told her that I think she's lying, and that my gut tells me that there's a piece of the puzzle she's leaving out and isn't being honest. She continued to tell me that she was. And then resumed asking me if we could talk later and I said maybe, and then basically went to my car and left.

Since I've got home, the only thing that makes sense to me is that she met this guy at her job, was interested and broke it off with me to be with him.

I feel like absolute $#!t now. I feel stupid for giving her the benefit of the doubt, but I know I would have felt worse if I didn't. At least this way I feel like tried, which was important to me. And yes, the date on the texts from this guy are certainly more frequent 2 months ago, but there are some from not that long ago. The last text this guy sent was on the 17th of this month, which said "I'll be there in a few" and it was sent at like 8 in the morning. Funny, I happened to ask my ex to lunch that day (the day that I decided to take Homegirl's advice and not play games and try to be straight up). She showed up to lunch looking all tired and grungy. I wonder why. :mad:

This sucks so bad. I guess this is just over because I just don't know how she's going to explain this one. The only logical explanation is that she dumped me for this guy, and either he lost interest or she did, or it wasn't working like she thought and she wanted to be back with me. Crap.

[hanschaos]

This may sound harsh, but I think you have breached privacy by looking through her phone... prob not a too good idea.

[jose85356]

I did the same thing. I went through my girlfriends phone, because I had a gut feeling something was not right. Sure enough I found text and phone calls she had been making and receiving from a male co-worker. When I confronted her, she told me that he was just a friend, that he was going through some problems with his girlfriend like we were at the time. I said bull****, how can you talk to somebody for 2 hours at 3am and just be friends. I know you can have friend of the opposite sex and just be friends, but it's a little fishy when she was talking to him that late in the night. Lately she had been going out with her co-workers to the bar and this male co-worker wrote to her "I only go out with you guys to see you." What kind of s*** is that? I know it was an invasion of privacy, but I would looked like a fool if I never would have done it. I dug a little deeper and found out that she had actually cheated on me 2 years ago with a guy that was suppose to be my friend. An old coworker of both of us. At the time time I thought nothing of it because I knew the guy, but it just goes to show you that you can not trust someone as just being a friend. Long story short we are no longer together. At first I was furious when I found out she cheated on me, but after I calmed down I wanted to give it another shot. I found it hard to trust her, especially when she kept talking to this guy from work. I'm sure nothing had happened yet, but I think it would have happened given time. I still love this girl, but it is just hard to be with someone like this. I know your situation isn't the same since you guys were not together, but I understand how you feel. How can she be with someone else just 3 weeks after the break-up, especially when she has all these feelings for you still according to her. I know everybody has already told you this, but keep your chin up, no one ever died from a piece of a**. I am going through something similar and it's usually the hard lessons in life that are the best to learn from. I know it sucks, but hang in there.

[MissingHim2Much]

Hmm, It's always the co-workers. What the f^^K is up with that?

[Homegirl 50]

First of all, you had no business going through her phone messages. That was totally out of line. If you did not feel you could trust her, you should have not started seeing her again.
I told you to see her casually, that meant not sleeping over, not expecting her to move to another town with you, just occaisional casual talking.
Maybe she is ashamed that she got with this guy, I don't know, but she had broken up with you.
Whether she wants you now or not, you should just leave her alone, because you obviously don't trust her and this will always be an issue.

[freakinconfused]

First of all, you had no business going through her phone messages. That was totally out of line. If you did not feel you could trust her, you should have not statred seeing her again.
I told you to see her casually, that meant not sleeping over, not expecting her to move to another town with you, just occaisional casual talking.
Maybe she is ashemaed that she got with this guy, I don't know, but she had broken up with you.
Whether she wants you now or not, you should just leave her alone, because you obviously don't trust her and this will always be an issue.

Homegirl, thanks for sticking with me through all of this! Your responses are really important to me. I have to say though, that I don't completely agree that it was totally out of line. Yes, I probably should not have gone through her phone to check her texts, but that's the thing. I felt like I was starting to trust her again, and really wanted to, but I felt like I had to make sure that I was going down the right path with that... and what I found showed that I wasn't. I don't feel like guarding my heart from being hurt again by this girl is wrong, and if that mean stepping over moral boundaries and checking her phone for texts, then so be it. It's not like I am stalking her, sitting outside her apartment with binoculars and following her around and stuff. We talked last night on the phone about it and she wasn't really even upset that I did it.

I checked her texts to help soothe my fears about trusting her again because I really wanted to get over it. I really really did - otherwise I wouldn't even be dealing with this girl almost three months out. I wanted it to work and I tried and tried for this long. And honestly, if she had nothing to hide from me, then I wouldn't have found anything on her phone, and she wouldn't have given that look of "Oh I've been caught" when I asked her who this guy was. And on top of that, she tried to lie her way out of it and I caught her doing so. I don't think looking through her texts were that big of a deal really. She could have looked at my phone at any time (and who knows, she may have) and she would have found nothing because I hadn't talked to any other girls or done anything with anyone - even though I probably should have. The difference here is that I FOUND exactly what I expected to, and so I confronted her about it. I could have said nothing, but that would have just added more complexity to an already complicated situation. I guess the point really is that (which is both our faults) if she wanted a break, then fine, but we should have agreed not to speak with each other for a set amount of time, because the constant contact simply made it easier for her to go about doing what she was doing, and harder for me to let it go.

What I was hoping for was that I would look though those texts, see nothing suspicious, and then just go back to sleep. But I didn't. And I KNOW there had to be more texts that had been deleted between now and then. So I said something. The saying that "actions speak louder than words" really applies in this case, because the second I saw her face when I brought this guy up, and the way she panicked afterward made her look awfully guilty of more than just "making out." Plus, she told me that she hadn't talked to this guy in a couple of months, which just is not true. She had texts on her phone from him ranging from a couple of months ago to a couple of weeks ago, as well as calls. So she lied! So, if she's lying, then why should I trust her? I asked her again again and again if there was someone else, and there was. She lied though and told me there wasn't.

A few weeks ago when I found out that she had made out with someone, I asked her who it was. She didn't tell me. Yeah, maybe its none of my business, but had she been straight up and told me everything then, I might not be as upset as now. Still doesn't change the fact that she lied though.

Also, I didn't ever expect her to move to the town I live in. She brought that up of her own accord. And as of right now, I have no plans to move with her to a big city because we needed to fix the relationship first (which is probably beyond fixing now). She knows that.

[Homegirl 50]

Well if you think you are justified in going through her text messages to make yourself feel better, there is nothing for me to say. That was wrong, and if you feel it's OK to invade someone's privacy so you can feel better about trusting them, where do you draw the line? If you don't trust her, if what she did when she was away from you bothers you, then you should not get back with her. You will question everything she does.

[freakinconfused]

Well if you think you are justified in going through her text messages to make yourself feel better, there is nothing for me to say. That was wrong, and if you feel it's OK to invade someone's privacy so you can feel better about trusting them, where do you draw the line? If you don't trust her, if what she did when she was away from you bothers you, then you should not get back with her. You will question everything she does.

I've been thinking about this all day yesterday and since I woke up this morning. You are right, I know what I did was wrong. Whatever was in her phone was really none of my business. I feel bad about doing it, but like I said before, it's not like I am stalking the girl. I do draw the line somewhere, and I felt like checking her phone was something I needed to do to make sure she wasn't lying. If I had found nothing out of the ordinary, I would have left it at that.

But what's the greater wrong? Me looking at her texts, or her asking me to go on a "break" and wait for her while she messed around with someone else and then lying for months about it? I asked her again and again and again if the was someone else and she or if she would just like to play the field and she told me no each time. That was the very first thing I asked her when she asked me for a break. No, she said. She said there wasn't anyone else and she just wanted time and space to herself. But now I know she lied about that. Like I said, she wasn't even mad that I looked through her phone because she was so panicked, scared and busy trying to explain away all the texts because she knew I caught her lying. And I told her when she asked me for the break that I don't think I could really handle her being with someone else and then wanting to come back to me. And I still don't think I can. It would have been totally different if she had just told me she wanted to break up completely at the beginning and just leave each other alone for a while and have no contact, but that's not what she wanted. I even tried that when I found out she "made out" with someone else (which was this guy) but she kept calling me and showing up at my work. I even tried to get over the fact that she made out with someone because she played it off like she was drunk one night and made out with some random person who she never saw again. But no, it was this guy she's been talking to the whole time.

No, she wanted a break so that she could string me along and keep talking to me while she played me and dated someone else. I feel like my looking at her texts was SO less of a wrong thing to do than what she did to me. That's why I feel justified in looking at her texts. In my opinion, wrong as it may have been, it pales in comparison to what she's done to me. Does no one else agree with me?

[Homegirl 50]

She broke up with you, PERIOD. She was free to do whatever just as you were free to do whatever. Leave her alone. It's not going to work, because you feel betrayed and you probably will not forgive her. So tell her you can't handle this and leave it alone.
If you went through her phone and found nothing, you still invaaded her privacy and that was wrong. There are some things you just don't do.

[enigmagnetic]

Think about it, think about it real hard, you mean to tell me that through all your time together there where no signs that perhaps she wasn't the most trustworthy person? Ask yourself that. Analyze it.

[freakinconfused]

Think about it, think about it real hard, you mean to tell me that through all your time together there where no signs that perhaps she wasn't the most trustworthy person? Ask yourself that. Analyze it.

To be honest, there weren't any signs like that. We spent most of our time together, except for when she left on family vacation or to visit some friends, and so I knew where she was and what she was doing most all the time. Even when she went on vacation I went with her occasionally. Of course, I wasn't spying on her or anything like that, but I didn't feel like I had to because I trusted her. When I looked through her phone for suspicious texts the other day was the first time I had ever done anything like that - and I felt bad even doing that but also felt like I had to. The only signs I started noticing was about a month before she dumped me - her friend (the bad influence roommate that stayed at her place after I moved out) was staying with us constantly, and the two of them would come home from bartending later than usual. I asked and she would say they stayed afterward for a few drinks or to hang out with the people that worked at the restaurant that merged with her bar, or something like that. What was probably happening was she was hanging out with this guy who she "made out" with, but I didn't think anything of it at the time because I had no idea anything like this would happen. But I don't have any evidence for that and I don't want to jump to conclusions. So, no I didn't really notice any signs like that. It really did just come out of the blue.

This girl, I swear. She texted me 17 times Saturday, starting from 2 in the afternoon to 2 in the morning. Her friend that I've mentioned above (bad influence ex-roommate - see previous posts) was in town for the weekend. Saturday they went out to the bar that she works at. I responded to her texts, and was friendly but short in my responses except for one, in which she told me that my night would be better if I was out. Only, she didn't say "with her," so I thought she meant she would feel better about herself if I was out drinking too. I just said "Uh, ok. I'm having plenty of fun sitting right here at home with my roommate and my friend playing XBOX." She sent a reply that was like "Oh I'm having fun but I'd be having more fun if you were out with me!" I didn't really respond to that because I didn't know what to say. Anyway, she sent another weird text at like 2:30AM saying she was up and I should call and tell her goodnight. I told her the truth, and said that I would call but I could barely keep my eyes open and so I should probably go to bed. She then sent a text saying that maybe we could talk tomorrow. I didn't respond to that because I had fallen asleep. So yesterday, I finally respond to her last text at like 11PM or so because she hadn't texted me all day, even though she did 17 times the previous day and said she wanted to talk. She basically sends back a one line text saying she's at a Christmas party for her work and asks me what's up. I just tell her that I'm responding to her last text, to have fun, and goodnight. She didn't respond to me at all after that.

Why in the hell does she text me 17 times one day and then act like she doesn't want to talk the next? My guess is she she went out Sat night and got drunk, and then decided to text me a bunch to try and get me interested in her again or something. But then Sund. Night she was at her work Christmas party with the guy that she "made out" with (who works in the restaurant half of the bar/restaurant she works at) and so was probably entertained and didn't want to be seen texting me a bunch. I don't know. For someone who has already gotten up with someone else, she sure as hell acts like she can't live without me sometimes.

Well in any case, I feel like President Bush saying "Mission Accomplished" when I read my posts, because a few pages back I was acting like I was done with her, but of course here I am, still trying to figure this woman out.

On a more positive note, I've kind of got this crush on a waitresses that works at a restaurant near my apartment. Turns out, my roommate's girlfriend is friends with her and knows I think she's a hottie, and so she's trying to set me up with her. I've had the chance to hang out with her twice since then and she is MEGA cool! She likes a lot of the same things as I do, and she is super hot as well. She's 4 years younger than me, but oh well! Last Thursday she invited a few of us out to her house and then we went out for drinks, and later on in the night most everyone that had come with us to the bar had gone home except for me, her, and my roommate's girlfriend. She ended up sitting right next to me and we talked for a good while, and she was definitely being flirty with me. I was surprised because I didn't think of my ex at all the whole time. But of course she texted me right in the middle of all of it saying "Hey! Hope you're having fun! Wish you were here!" Ugh. Anyway, we have plans to do the same thing again next Thurs! Hope it works out...

[jasondbel]

How come your story is changing? Ive been saying this from the beginning but you cost me points and now you are changing.

[freakinconfused]

Well, I'd just like to post a quick update for anyone who is reading this thing still. All I got to really say is LISTEN TO THE PEOPLE ON HERE when they tell you to go NC if you've been dumped, because otherwise you will be strung along, and it's going to hurt really bad - I promise. I know NC hurts as well, but I guarantee that it hurts a whole lot less that realizing you have been used by someone who was supposed to love you, and someone that you spent almost every day of your life with for over 4 years. Hell, if I had done NC from the moment she told me she wanted a "break" she probably would have come running back. But now its WAY to late for that. I kept talking to her when she wanted to talk, kept texting back and forth with her when she wanted to text, and kept seeing her when she wanted. I even told her several times that I didn't want to talk to her anymore unless she was certain about wanting to get back together (see previous posts) but I never followed through. I then even let myself believe that she was ACTUALLY interested in getting back together with me, when she was really just scared because the first guy she tried to get with after we went on a "break" didn't work out and she was alone again. All she really was doing was using contact with me to ease her pain during the breakup and not feel bad about herself. And all this did was have the reverse effect on me, it made me feel hopeful that she was going to change her mind and want to get back together, but I know now it's not going to happen for sure and it's all come crashing down so hard.

Yeah, I looked through her phone - and she told me that after I did that she saw a different side of me that she's never seen before and now she wasn't sure about getting back together. I apologized like 10 times for looking through her phone but I also thought it was f'ed up for her to say that because the way she treated me after dumping me was a completely different side of her that I've never seen. It's so weird you know? It's like, all of my friends could see this happening to me. My Mom could see it too and she told me over and over again that she was simply using me and to just let her go. Everyone on this website could see this too and none of you even know who I am. But for some reason I couldn't because I wanted to believe that she still loved me and really just needed some time to herself.

I stopped by her apartment while she was out of town - so weird. All of my drawings and pics were all still up. It's like she just doesn't care enough about me to even give a $#!t that those things are still up on her wall.

I'm saying all of this because I recently found out that my ex has been having sex with a completely different guy now (not even the guy that I found texts from in her phone - I guess that one didn't work out for her), and has basically just lied to me from the start about not trying to string me along, and just needing a break to figure things out, etc. The worst part is that she apparently really likes him. If it's the guy I'm thinking about, I know who he is and even took him home once. What's even crazier is that I think this guy is the guy her bad influence ex-roommate had liked and had been hooking up with (again, read previous posts). So, now not only has she been lying to me and stringing me along, she's been keeping this secret from the very ex-roommate that helped influence her to try out this slutty behavior. How did this girl go from being the sweetest person I knew to being such a beeotch in such a short amount of time?

It's so wack because she's even continued to talk to me up until a few days ago, and was calling me pretty frequently over Christmas while she was visiting with her family. However, I slipped up and called her a week or so before Christmas all upset. I told her on the phone that I don't care what has gone on since we've stopped going out, and that I just love her so much and can't stand being without her and want to be with her, etc. - I know, I'm a wuss with no backbone. We were basically crying on the phone and she told me that she loved me so much too, but just needs more time still and is not sure she wants to get back together with me yet. I've come to realize that she needed "more time" to see if the new guy she was flirting with would turn into a relationship. I guess it did.

I mentioned hanging out with her for New Years a few days ago - she told me she had other plans even though about a month ago she said she wanted to spend it with me. I told her that she said that, and she said "Yeah I did, but all you said was "we'll see" and you never decided." I told her that's because I was having trouble trusting her about wanting to get back together, but that I always wanted to spend it with her. She basically didn't even seem interested in doing so after that.

The worst part about it is, once I found out she had sex with this guy and said she liked him (I basically found all of this out the next day after she was with him), she completely stopped calling me or texting me. I haven't talked to her since. And I really want to, really badly, but I know it's just beating a dead horse, and it's about to be 2008, and I need to start looking up and looking out for myself, but it's just so so hard because everything reminds me of her and the times we had. It sends a pang of hurt through my body. It makes me angry and upset that someone who supposedly loved me could ever consider just stringing me along like that and be OK with it. And I KNOW this girl loved me with all of her heart, but somewhere along the line something happened and she lost that love.

Honestly, almost the worst part too is that she's already found someone else and I've been so fixated on her and my plight that I haven't. I'm almost jealous in a weird way because she was able to forget about me so quickly and find someone else. I just have this empty void in my life where she used to be, and she was a huge part of my life. I'm jealous she was about to fill that void so quickly and find someone she likes. I mean, it hasn't even actually been 4 months yet. More like 3 months and 3 weeks. I am also jealous because she lives in a college town and works at a bar, so she has plenty of contact with young singles, whereas I live 30 minutes away in an area that is mostly families and high school kids, and I work a day job at a small computer company that employs basically NO women. I really just feel like a pile of garbage and feel like I need a rebound relationship or something but can't even find one because there are no chicks in my area or really in my group of friends. I feel like my life has just turned to $#!t and hers is apparently great, and that hurts me even more.

I could have avoided much of this hurt and maybe even brought her back to me if I had just gone NC from the very beginning. I just somehow managed to not know any better even though I had 50 people on here screaming at me and my Mom telling me that all I was doing was digging a deeper grave for myself. I feel like such an idiot.

[Homegirl 50]

Your not sticking with NC had nothing to do with it. Bottom line is you two were not meant to be. She wanted to leave and you wouldn't give up.
Now get over this and move on. Let this next year be the start of something good for you.
I wish you well.

[freakinconfused]

Well,

Since not talking to her starting December 28th, I went about 9 or 10 days with no contact. I went to the beach with some of my friends, and was even considering leaving my phone at home because I didn't want her to call while I was there - but once I learned that she had slept with someone else, and she had stopped talking to me anyway, I decided to bring my phone because I really didn't think she would call.

On Jan. 7th I was laying in my bed at the beach thinking about her when my phone rang. It's a touch screen phone, so sometimes when I pull it out of the case I will accidentally hit "Answer" and don't realize it. Well, that's what happened this time. I didn't hear anyone talking and was about to put my phone away, but then I heard someone say "hello?" So I said "hello?" And it was her. We chatted about pointless stuff for a while - basically how the beach was. She never brought up her new man or anything about our relationship at all. I did my best to sound happy on the phone, and after about 10 minutes I told her I needed to go and shower and get ready for the day. I told her it was good talking to her, and that I would talk to her soon.

Well then about a week goes by, and I kind of expected her to call again, but she didn't. So then I made the stupidest mistake ever and sent her a text saying something along the lines of "Hey, haven't heard from you in a while, just wanted to make sure you were alive over there still. Hope everything is well with you." She responded with "everything is pretty good over here! Just working a lot...ew! How are u doing?" I responded to that by saying "can't complain, everything is going well!" Which of course is a complete lie because I still think about her all the time. She responded a few hours later by saying that was good, and that she wanted to hear how my new job location was going. I responded back by telling her it was OK, and that I hope her job was going well too. She didn't write back after that.

Then I made ANOTHER idiotic mistake and called her the next day. My intentions were to ask her if she would like to watch a basketball game with me (even though I'm sure she would have shot me down, but who knows). She didn't answer the phone anyway, and I didn't leave a message. She texted the next day to ask me if I called her and told me her phone was not working right (which is true, I knew about her phone messing up before we even broke up) and that she would be getting a new phone soon. I didn't respond to this text because I felt like I broke NC and I didn't want to keep breaking it.

She called me the day after that - I didn't notice my phone ringing, but she left a message saying hey, and that she thought I called the other day but wasn't sure because her phone sucks, and that she was getting a new phone soon. The message sounded weird though, as if she was talking to some old friend she hadn't talked to in years, instead of an ex boyfriend she was just recently in a relationship with. She was all like "Hey **** it's ***** calling" as if I didn't know who it was.

Anyway, that message made me feel weird and I haven't responded to it yet. That was last Friday. Now I don't know what the hell to do. Yay, back to square 1. I shouldn't have started the contact, I know. But now I feel like an @$$ by not responding, even though I think I probably shouldn't. But I don't want her sitting over there being like "well he's being an @$$hole because he tried to talk to me but when I respond back he says nothing." But then again, why should I care what she thinks about me, because she dumped me. Also, I don't want to be sending her texts if she's sitting right next to this guy she may or may not be dating right now, because they will probably just laugh at me. I don't know if I should send a text saying that yes I did call, and sorry for taking so long to respond, or if I should just say nothing at all. Help please!