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SJPx17 · Nov 29, 2007, 05:10 AM

My man, is sexually interested by me, and we do have a healthy sex life. But he has recently been suggesting oral sex with men, but trying to turn it around on me, as though if I were to be dominating and make him do it,. umm I don't know. Is he gay? Should I stay with him:confused:

shygrneyzs · Nov 29, 2007, 05:20 AM

If your sex life is as good as you say, he is most likely not gay. Now he could be bi sexual or bi curious. Maybe this is just something he wants to explore but since he is asking you to be the one in charge, he cannot iniate this on his own. Perhaps because of some guilt he feels about wanting this. But if he were FORCED to, then the decision is not his anymore and he bears minimal to no responsibility. Dominance/submission is a delicate balance.

If you want to pursue this, that is between you and him. Whatever you choose, good luck.

SJPx17 · Nov 29, 2007, 05:24 AM

Thank you shygrneyzs! Yes I mean we do have an active, vibrant and happy sex life. So I don't want to sound like I'm complaining about that. I think you are right though, it is almost as if he is curious but too scared to say himself.. thanks for your help x

shygrneyzs · Nov 29, 2007, 05:27 AM

Most welcome.

Xrayman · Nov 29, 2007, 03:53 PM

Does this turn you on? If so, then it sounds relatively 'safe' to me. Good on you for not going nuts about it though!

SJPx17 · Nov 29, 2007, 03:58 PM

No it doesn't turn me on particularly.. but then it does turn me right off. Im very open sexually to try most things, safely and in a trustin situation. But emotionally I love him.. I want to know if he is gay. I have asked him, and he says no. But I'm not so sure.. thanks a lot for your help though!

shygrneyzs · Nov 29, 2007, 04:04 PM

One thing - if this is something you really do not want to try with him, then don't do it. If you are not comfortable with this it might well add to your confusion. You two need to talk about this some more. How would he react to you, if you agreed to get this scene going for him, and you were repulsed by what you saw? Things like that need to be talked out and even have a "safe word" that either one of you can say that will bring an end to the activity. Can be any word; a color, a favorite book or movie, etc.

SJPx17 · Nov 29, 2007, 04:07 PM

Yes that way we are controlling it. Its like anything, although you may think, 'yes I would like that' Until you are in the thick of it, you just don't know. Im willing to try it, so that in itself is not a problem. I just sort of want to know do I still turn him on and does he love me, or me aand blokes? I really don't know

shygrneyzs · Nov 29, 2007, 04:16 PM

You won't know until you and him go through this. It could well be that he will think that this is not his fantasy after all. Often fiction is sweeter than truth. Has he viewed any gay porn? Is that where he got the idea?

Ash123 · Nov 30, 2007, 04:24 PM

This is the classic reality check: Fantasy is pretty much fair game for anything.
When it moves to action the definition changes 100%.

If he wants to talk about it and it gets you both hot - it's fair game.
If he wants a man to in c--m in his mouth your relationship will be forever changed...
If he is serious, it may be already...

Synnen · Nov 30, 2007, 05:35 PM

Honestly--this should be a LONG conversation between the two of you.

Opening your relationship up to other people is a HUGE step, and you have to COMPLETELY trust and love your partner to do it.

If you have doubts at ALL--then absolutely do not do it.

Choux · Nov 30, 2007, 07:20 PM

Don't get involved in acting out his homosexual yearnings!! Nothing good *for you* can come of it. Tell him basically you don't want to discuss this again that if he wants homosexual sex, he should go out and get it himself.

His hints are negative foreshadowing for your relationship... take the clue and start working on developing your own sexuality to a higher level of sensitivity and responsiveness.

I would like to say that it is a mistake to be manipulated into participating in a wide variety of unconventional sexual activities at a young age, a big mistake... a great sex life is based on the depth of YOUR pleasure response... you have to work on learning about your body, what turns you on, how to get intense orgasms... that's not going to happen doing a bunch of stuff your don't want to do... in fact, that will hurt you.