Check out some similar questions!

chris28 · Nov 26, 2007, 02:43 PM

Originally Posted by shygrneyzs

Because it bothers the heck out of her that you are not there, begging like a dog for a bone, for her favors. It REALLY bothers her. Not so much because she wants you back but for the fact that she is a goddess. Your Grandmother should just hang up the phone next time she calls - your Grandma does not need that drama queen either.

So she wants me to beg to make her feel better is what I'm getting from u?? Is that what u mean?

shygrneyzs · Nov 26, 2007, 03:00 PM

It is not that she wants you back but her attitude speaks like she just cannot believe you are surviving without her. I don't think she wants to go and beg her. If you would go to her and ask to come back, you would not get past the door. She would laugh and slam the door. It is all in her warped psyche. She has some emotional problems and yet cannot look at them, because, in her mind, she is the perfect one. So she plays the games she does. Unfortunately she engages your family and friends in them too - the calling and questioning and they report to you. That is warped too.

You can say to your family and friends that you really, honestly do not want to hear her name, hear about her phone calls, hear about her friends, etc. When they start in with what she said, cut them off. You can do that nicely.

Think of it like an allergy to pizza (heaven forbid an allergy to that but for example only). You cannot eat pizza anymore but everywhere you go, there it is. Friends talk about the great pizaa they ate. Your Grandma is baking a pepperoni deluxe pizza as you are walking in the door. You go out with friends and what do they order? Pizza! Until you are more able to stand on your own feet, avoid it. There will be a time when you automatically avoid it, and it is not an issue.

Same with the toxic ex girlfriend. Also, can you make some new friends, ones who do not know her or are associated with her? Not saying you ditch the ones you already have but to expand your base of friends. No prior history gooing on there.

chris28 · Nov 26, 2007, 03:10 PM

Originally Posted by shygrneyzs

It is not that she wants you back but her attitude speaks like she just cannot believe you are surviving without her. I don't think she wants to go and beg her. If you would go to her and ask to come back, you would not get past the door. She would laugh and slam the door. It is all in her warped psyche. She has some emotional problems and yet cannot look at them, because, in her mind, she is the perfect one. So she plays the games she does. Unfortunately she engages your family and friends in them too - the calling and questioning and they report to you. That is warped too.

You can say to your family and friends that you really, honestly do not want to hear her name, hear about her phone calls, hear about her friends, etc. When they start in with what she said, cut them off. You can do that nicely.

Think of it like an allergy to pizza (heaven forbid an allergy to that but for example only). You cannot eat pizza anymore but everywhere you go, there it is. Friends talk about the great pizaa they ate. Your Grandma is baking a pepperoni deluxe pizza as you are walking in the door. You go out with friends and what do they order? Pizza! Until you are more able to stand on your own feet, avoid it. There will be a time when you automatically avoid it, and it is not an issue.

Same with the toxic ex girlfriend. Also, can you make some new friends, ones who do not know her or are associated with her? Not saying you ditch the ones you already have but to expand your base of friends. No prior history gooing on there.

So heeres the thing all the people I'm going skiing with were her friends first After staying with them for 3 yrs we all became friendly the ski trip is mext Friday.

Is it a bad thing that I'm going. And matter a fact her best friends asked if I can take her in my car?? What do you think?

shygrneyzs · Nov 26, 2007, 03:18 PM

I would so not go on this trip. Take HER in YOUR car? Nooooooooo wayyyyyyyyy. If you did that, you would be, as my Dad used to say about people who continue to self abuse, "a glutton for punishment."

Find something else fun to do that weekend. But no trip with the friends and the ex girlfriend. You would have to wear a necklace of garlic and carry a silver bullet with you if you did.

chris28 · Nov 26, 2007, 03:22 PM

Originally Posted by shygrneyzs

I would so not go on this trip. Take HER in YOUR car? Nooooooooo wayyyyyyyyy. If you did that, you would be, as my Dad used to say about people who continue to self abuse, "a glutton for punishment."

Find something else fun to do that weekend. But no trip with the friends and the ex gf. You would have to wear a necklace of garlic and carry a silver bullet with you if you did.

Okie now I no I might be acting neive or something but why is that so wrong. Is that a bad sign? Or something or a sign of weakness on my part? I am really confused. Because I'm talking about her friends going she can't make it my ex is staying home...

shygrneyzs · Nov 26, 2007, 04:02 PM

"And matter a fact her best friends asked if i can take her in my car??? what do u think?"

See I read this to say that her best friends asked you if you could take this ex girlfriend with you, in your car, when you go on this trip. But she is not going now? That is not a bad thing you know. You two should not be in the same place at the same time for a long time.
Go on the trip if you want to go. Hopefully it will not be a re-hash of your relationship with this ex girlfriend.

friend4u178 · Nov 26, 2007, 04:07 PM

Chris
I agree with Shy , I don't think there will be a problem if you want to go on this trip. BUT do not get into discussions about your Ex with her friends , do not try to get information about her from her friends. If they bring it up just say I would rather not discuss this please. Go and have a good time and show everyone you are moving on and can live and be happy without her.

BMI · Nov 27, 2007, 07:43 AM

I'd hold off on the trip Chris, its not that it is a sign of weakness but rather you are falling into the "what if" syndrome. You would go to see what happens, "what if" she wants me back or this and that, we all go through it.

I think what you are doing is working perfectly, I would'nt change it one bit. Although in saying that, if my ex-girl messaged me I would not think it wise to message back... but I would.

chris28 · Nov 27, 2007, 08:03 AM

Thanks everyone for the concern and support. I do not mention my ex to her friends or out mutual friends things she says to them I do not even respond on. Like when her friend told me she was asking about me and her friend got fed up and said if you want to no about his where abouts you call him. That's when she made the comment how she would but I'm to attached to her still and she didn't want to make it harder on me.

She also told my grandmother that I'm going AWAY WITH HER FRIENDS all of a sudden there her friends.
And how she was asked if she don't want me to go her friends will put a stop to it.

I didn't give any response to her or her friends. She does not want me that's fine I will stand back. I told my granny that's her friends also if they didn't say something like that they woudnt be her friend.

Also and lastly her best friends tells me how she don't trust her cause she's so cold and how lucky I am that she left me and I still don't comment on that in case it's a trap I work hard not to show my reall feelings ever to the enemy!!

I just want to go and have fun with our mutual friends.

ordinaryguy · Nov 27, 2007, 10:22 AM

Originally Posted by chris28

I just want to go and have fun with our mutual friends.

As long as she's not there, and you are strong enough to maintain your strict observance of no response to any comments or questions about her, I'd say go for it. If they're truly your friends, they'll be able to see that who you are is very different from her opinion of you.

cerisa · Nov 27, 2007, 10:39 AM

Since you were asked to go, I would say these are your friends too, people do not 'belong' to anyone. I am sure they would not like to be discussed as objects to be divvied up. Have a great time!

chris28 · Nov 27, 2007, 11:53 AM

Originally Posted by cerisa

Since you were asked to go, I would say these are your friends too, people do not 'belong' to anyone. I am sure they would not like to be discussed as objects to be divvied up. Have a great time!

Your so right you see my ex is a controlling person and I think she made those comments to make her feel like she's still in control . I don't think she thought in her wildest dream I would stick to my guns on NC. Im not saying she regrets her decision I just think she's in shock!!

chris28 · Nov 27, 2007, 11:53 AM

Originally Posted by ordinaryguy

As long as she's not there, and you are strong enough to maintain your strict observance of no response to any comments or questions about her, I'd say go for it. If they're truly your friends, they'll be able to see that who you are is very different from her opinion of you.

Exactly no questions!

chris28 · Nov 27, 2007, 03:57 PM

Matter a fact I was online AOL today and 2 separate female friends that were her friends first sent me messages and we talked for a while. Matter a fact when we broke up I removed all of them except one from my buddy list just in case they didn't want to talk to me I gave them the chance to and I would not say anythign until I heard from them and I have . All the guys basically begged me to go we all had a good relationship and some of the friends me and them got along better then she did. See the reason why she broke up with me was because of difference in thinking all of her friends have the same way of thinking like I do. So I think once she finds the right guy that thinks like her they will never see her again. But of course I never said this to a soul and will never but when it happens and it will I no its not me and never was.

talaniman · Nov 27, 2007, 04:46 PM

The sooner you get her behind you, the better. There is no bigger waste of time than letting an ex control your thoughts, emotions, and actions. Trying to make sense on what, and why she does things will leave you confused with no answers..! No Contact does not mean running and hiding, nor should it.

cerisa · Nov 27, 2007, 04:46 PM

Chris, give it a rest, stop putting her in such a place of importance in your life. Who cares what she thinks. Have a good time, obviously you are capable of that without her input. Obviously others see you as a fun guy.

nkychic · Nov 27, 2007, 06:35 PM

I agree with everyone who has posted... short and simple... LET HER GO!! Take her off that pedastool she has been on all this time and live your life. Go out and have a good time, you don't need her for that. She is the one ingredient that could screw up the whole recipe!!

chris28 · Nov 28, 2007, 07:43 AM

Part 2

Here is were it gets ammusing to me. She called my grandmother yesterday again the first question to her was did you tell him I called so granny said yes. She asked if I was mad she said no he coudnt care. Then she started talking asking my grandmother is she thought that she made a mistake by breaking up with me. She also told her that her my ex's mother told her that she made a huge mistale her dad told her the same thing. The last thing she said was I did was I think is right I don't want to be someone to stay in a relationship that's not right. Then she just went on with questions about my family.

To be honest I'm not putting much thought into it I don't even care that they talk. But this is definitely meant to get back to me for whateva reason that I don't no and don't care to figure it out either. But that's the new update.

BMI · Nov 28, 2007, 07:44 AM

The sooner you get her behind you, the better. There is no bigger waste of time than letting an ex control your thoughts, emotions, and actions.

Originally Posted by talaniman

Trying to make sense on what, and why she does things will leave you confused with no answers................................!!.

Ohhhh that's soooo perfect! I wish all of us could just realize this:(

chris08 · Nov 28, 2007, 08:04 AM

I reckon still deep down he wants her back but wants everything to be oh so rosey and perfect like it once was but he can't see it happening, or worried about being hurt again. A decision needs to be made asap otherwise more n more of these topics from chris are going to come up and he's just going to be going round in one big circle, you don't need that, she's still controlling your life and feelings and it isn't fair. Someone needs to ask her what the hell's she playing at, why she's ringing your family etc. Very strange girl !