[Ceasefire]

I'm not sure if enjoying depression is the correct terminology. About a year ago I was bitterly depressed, and as of late, things are seeming happier. I have been feeling weird the past few days, that I actually want to be depressed again. I listen to music all the time, and I just don't get the same feelings from it like I used to. I am also a writer, and I believe that my writing has suffered from this onset of joy. Is this strange? Or uncommon? I'm an 18 year old male, so mood changes are often, but I'm discouraged by what I feel right now. I want to feel what I did, sorrow. Is it likely that I will be susceptible to depression as I get older? Is there any explanation for this?

[KBC]

Hi Ceasefire,

I am gladdened to see your not stuck in depression,that isn't a road I would wish on anyone.

I would like to think last years depression was 'situational', that alone is a blessing.

A few questions,

Where do you live? this question is for seasonal depressive issues.

What kind of music? This question for conditioning due to influence.

Who is your favorite writer? Also for conditioning.

I am also 18 sometimes( My memories are quite clear in those years of my life,although it was over 20 years ago) Crisp memories, you might say.I remember the necessity to be more,writing wasn't my forte' back then, I was,though, an INFO MANIAC, That's someone who needs information, lots and lots of input.

I remain in the thought of your post at the necessity to feel sorrow, Is this a driving force for inspiration? Self gratification, or degradation? If this has a purpose which had a possible good effect I would praise you for pursuing it, but I fear that is not the case, this is more to the need for acceptance somewhere.

For over 30 years I have battled depression, this is a dangerous path to WANT to be a part of,the feelings of self worth(little to none for months even years at times), suicide attempts( 9 to date,all unsuccessful,, :))Drinking to excess, drugs for many of those years also, and all for what? This? A chance to help others not go down the same path as I did?

Think hard on this subject before you make a bad decision, writing can be done with different influence, musical writing can be done with sunshine instead of rain. Love can be remembered instead of loathed.. the dark side is just that, dark.The light is where the dark ones look to, to seek answers. The light stays in the light,feeling sorrow and pity for the dark. Who is the winner? Where do you want to be in your future?

An explanation for this?

Yes, you are 18, feeling the growth of adulthood, searching the mind for 'MORE',I am happy to see you are doing this, keep up the effort, life has a great deal to offer,especially the artistic people, it all depends where you get the influence from and how you use it.

Today I chose the light,If I were in your shoes, I would too,but I also see the draw of the dark and question anyone's motives as to the need for assistance from it, it leaves you empty in the end.

Hope this is helpful, I know it helps me to write too( as you can see:p)

Ken

[N0help4u]

Many writers and creative people suffered depression Elton John, Edgar Allan Poe, Hans Christian Andersen, Ernest Hemingway, Charles ens, Mary Shelley, Leo Tolstoy, Robert Louis Stevenson.

Elton John has a philosophy on using depression to your benefit which I have never been able to find it on the internet but I think it is what I figured out on my own as a teen when I was depressed. Basically, there are different forms of depression, some are internal and more harmful because they cause us to withdrawal, lose interest and so forth and it is harder to fight and can cause us to go in a bad downward spiral that we are too depressed to even deal with. Then there is external which is due more to our environment and circumstances. As KBC said seasonal affective disorder, lose of job, stress, etc,. We have to learn to be more aware of the onset of depression and learn to fight it and use it constructively before we get into the don't care part of it.
I have S.A.D. and I sometimes have a hard time listening to music when I am depressed.
I try and listen to more up beat music when I am depressed. If I still can't listen to music I put on radio talk shows. Dead silence gets to me and makes it worse. Try and keep active when you are depressed work on a project, take a hot bath, clean out a closet, bake something.

[misterk]

Keep up with your hobbies and make sure you spend time with friends and family you trust. Depression in severe stages makes you want to stop being productive. If you feel like your life is slowing down too much maybe you should talk to your closest friends and see if they can help you initially. I honestly find the other replies above to be very helpful. Please let us know how you are doing as the week passes by.

[gothish]

I'm not sure if enjoying depression is the correct terminology. About a year ago I was bitterly depressed, and as of late, things are seeming happier. I have been feeling weird the past few days, that I actually want to be depressed again. I listen to music all the time, and I just don't get the same feelings from it like I used to. I am also a writer, and I believe that my writing has suffered from this onset of joy. Is this strange? or uncommon? I'm an 18 year old male, so mood changes are often, but I'm discouraged by what I feel right now. I want to feel what I did, sorrow. Is it likely that I will be susceptible to depression as I get older? Is there any explanation for this?

I would think that this is sort of normal, when you were depressed you knew what was going on, but happiness is a new and confusing feeling. Mabey you were more comfortable being depressed. Things will gradually sort themselves out, it also helps if you have some good friends to confide in about how you're feeling.

[Ceasefire]

Hi Ceasefire,

I am gladdened to see your not stuck in depression,that isn't a road I would wish on anyone.

I would like to think last years depression was 'situational', that alone is a blessing.

A few questions,

Where do you live?,this question is for seasonal depressive issues.

What kind of music? this question for conditioning due to influence.

Who is your favorite writer? also for conditioning.

I am also 18 sometimes( My memories are quite clear in those years of my life,although it was over 20 years ago) Crisp memories, you might say.I remember the necessity to be more,writing wasn't my forte' back then, I was,though, an INFO MANIAC, Thats someone who needs information, lots and lots of input.

I remain in the thought of your post at the necessity to feel sorrow, Is this a driving force for inspiration? self gratification, or degradation? If this has a purpose which had a possible good effect I would praise you for pursuing it, but I fear that is not the case, this is more to the need for acceptance somewhere.

For over 30 years I have battled depression, this is a dangerous path to WANT to be a part of,the feelings of self worth(little to none for months even years at times), suicide attempts( 9 to date,all unsuccessful,,,:))Drinking to excess, drugs for many of those years also, and all for what? This? A chance to help others not go down the same path as I did?

Think hard on this subject before you make a bad decision, writing can be done with different influence, musical writing can be done with sunshine instead of rain. Love can be remembered instead of loathed..the dark side is just that, dark.The light is where the dark ones look to, to seek answers. The light stays in the light,feeling sorrow and pity for the dark. Who is the winner? where do you want to be in your future?

An explanation for this?

Yes, you are 18, feeling the growth of adulthood, searching the mind for 'MORE',I am happy to see you are doing this, keep up the effort, life has a great deal to offer,especially the artistic people, it all depends where you get the influence from and how you use it.

Today I chose the light,If I were in your shoes, I would too,but I also see the draw of the dark and question anyones motives as to the need for assistance from it, it leaves you empty in the end.

Hope this is helpful, I know it helps me to write too( as you can see:p)

Ken

I live in Kansas, the weather changes frequently and rapidly here.
I listen to screamo, indie, christian bands, they have the most meaningful lyrics to me. (Underoath and Deas Vail for example)
My favorite writer is Ralph Waldo Emerson, the father of the transcendentalist movement.

My depression was very situational, my parents were divorced twice, and remarried both times in the last 2 years, now still living with each other. It's hard sometimes to continue to deal with it. Both are loving, there is no abuse.

I escaped from all that by writing, and writing deep. Now my inspiration has gone, and the praise I received from my writhing with it. I do agree that this "happiness" feels new to me, and confusing, which may be why I feel the need for sorrow. Is there any way I can feel sorrow without depression?

[Liakias]

I think I actually have managed sorrow without depression. My dad was a drug abuser and psychologically abusive, and being younger I was more taken in by him, but I still don't know the truth behind how he acted and thought. I had no friends at school and had some nasty incidents there. I never got depressed though because I indulged in misery. Most people would think I was sad, but I enjoyed self-pity and exaggerating negativity. I felt special that I had such a rare situation, and enjoyed having a dark secret. Basically, I avoided real depression by faking it. I made my life into an internal drama, with me the unlucky main character. I like shocking people with my story and feeling special. I felt genuinely confused and depressed when life improved. I had to invent problems to pity myself. Now life is better than ever and I still enjoy fake depression, by putting on depressing music and feeling 'life is so terrible' and faking connecting with people's pain. I act and think suicidally for attention and shock and create problems at school so I can complain about them. Sometimes I just want to self-destruct because life seems to comfortable.

But basically, fake depression for attention and make yourself the star role in your tragic story. When something goes wrong, think how much better reading your autobiography would be! I have been genuinely down over being sexually abused and bullied, but fantasies of revenge help here. Escaping to fantasy keeps all your creativity, but also removes depression and allows you to not be hurt when pain comes- you can just say bad stuff always happens to you and that you were born to a bad life- as you're faking being useless, it's only what you'd expect, but no real self-esteem damage is done.

The only drawback is confusion. You'll wonder why you enjoy depression (you have all the outward symptoms) and no one else does. If you like feeling normal it's bad, though you could just say it makes you more special!