[ryaninvegas]

2 weeks nc. Her birthday is tomorrow and I know its real important to her. My ex set her AIM status to "Birthday Week!!" which in itself sounds weird. Who writes that? I think I'm one of the only people on her list. Is she trying to get some more attention from me? Well maybe I'm reading into things but I think she's trying to instigate me, saying she knows I'm going to be there for her tomorrow, that she knows I'm going to send her something or break our stalemate. Well she's wrong - she isn't got me by the balls no more. She's not getting nothing. I'm both frustrated that I can't send the one I love something nice, to put a smile on her face, but also excited to find out how she reacts. I'm stopping the Pushing -i did my weaka$$ groveling already too much. I'm done. Maybe she can realize she's losing me. Her birthday is Thursday and for the record I would have treated her so well and I would have gotten her something so nice. I almost bought tickets for 2 for a expensive show, I already bought a card but refrained from sending it. BUT, she's got a rich new guy friend that can buy her all that... it breaks my heart that being nice to her results in my agony. Afterwards, my friends expect her to call or contact me within the next few days... I kind of do too. We'll see... any thoughts?
I went from groveling like crazy, to finding out she still loved me, to halt... 2 weeks nc and no birthday cards.
My guess is she'll say "are you upset?" you better believe she's going to get no reply and iced real quick.

My question is should I send her anything? Like a SIMPLE text or email that says "happy bday," -Simple, so I don't lose her BUT also so I don't throw myself out there only to get stepped on again... I might

[crushedovernover]

How long were you together? And 2 weeks is iffy mark pending on how the break up went down and how long you wee together.

[Fr_Chuck]

I have a ex, I still call her on her birthday and it has been 15 years now.
Perhaps a text message would be better at 2 weeks

[BiWiccanAndProud]

Well has she been giving you the cold shoulder? If she has then you give it right back!! But if she's not try to be nice, don't show you're interested but be nice. If her new guy gets her something nice and you don't get her anything and she asks why something along the lines of "Well you don't want me why would you want my gifts?" may get your point through to her.

[ryaninvegas]

Yes she has been giving me a lot of the cold shoulder. I call her and say really nice things to her and she essentially throws them in my face/ she slapps me down every time.. she expressed she loves me but is not in the situation to be in love with me. She she would come back "you know i would" if she wasn't with someone. Complete BS! We broke up 3 months ago. I BROKE IT OFF because she just kept reminding me that she wanted to move in. I realized I made a mitake, and that I really liked this girl and tried to come back. I KNOW I did the original damage but she has been absolutely horrible to me - she is scorn and unforgiving. I have apologized for everything about our relationship and asked for her forgiveness and she went from being cool to being really cold biatch. She suddenly started seeing a rich guy and she says he makes her really happy. I know it's a rebound and she says she really still misses me and would want us to work out but the fact that she is giving another dude the opportunity SO SOON after our breakup AND INSTEAD of me really kills anything we ever had. I know many of you will think "oh well she just moved on first." that's not what bugs me. Its all of the MEAN things she's said to me that pises me off. The fact that she says all of our good times were really bad times... A breakup is one thing but for her to pursue another person and let them get between us, RUINS anything we ever had together. Especially aht she stays with him now. She says 'i don't even live at home anymore.' She said she wanted to marry and have kids with me. Now, 2months later she is staying with this guy at his place most every night. Like I said I know I did the original hurting to her but she has repaid it 100fold back to me. The fact that she has moved on and is living with another guy so quickly disturbs me about her charater. Also like I said, I would have been really good to this girl for her birthday if she hadn't been so disrespectful to us. -REALLY NICE. I can't wait to find out he result! Im still dealing with the anger too of what she'll be doing tonight for her birthday and how shell be so amazed at anything this guy does / gives to her / with her. I can only hope that's she's checking her text messages, waiting for one from me. I would love to have done something nice for her SO MUCH!! But she's a cold heartless person who isn't the same anymore!

TELL ME IM WRONG PLEASE. THAT I SHOULD BE SENDING A TXT MESSAGE OR EMAIL SAYING "HAPPY BDAY"
I Don't WANT TO RUIN A STALEMATE

HELP!!
Seriously, friends, please let me know.. I need to put the ball back in my court! And I see no other way of doing it... from her perspective am I just going to look like an a$$ if she gets nothing from me? No texts? She is seeing someone! But she says she would come back! I'm so mixed up. We've had nc for 2 weeks and that's only because I was maintaining it! Help! It's mid-day!

[Chery]

I'd leave it alone.

She has another guy, she might stay with him, she might not... but she is not with you, and has given you the cold shoulder enough to make you regret breaking up. Regret is not reason enough to go crawling back and that's what she would interpret it as.

So, decide what you want to do, crawl back, or move on in you life...

Do you really think she's worth going back to square one?

Good luck dear, and keep us posted.



We all have loved and lost sometimes more than we can count, but we have survived... that's the important thing.

[Jiser]

Mate, have some respect. Its over, as hard as it is you must let go of this person and get on with your own life. Trust me it gets easier as soon as you remove yourself from your constant confusion, which is her. No contact. In time you will learn to live with the past as most people on this planet have. Practically everyone has a history, an ex, it what makes us human, life would be boring if we never had to learn and grow. So let this lie and learn to live without her.

The future is ahead, who knows what will happen, maybe you will meet again but wouldn't it be better to be a happier person, a fulfilled person, someone with many experiances..

[Applejacks83irv]

Hey she broke your heart and put all the blam on you for everything so? Leave it alone it will drive her crazy and she going or might want to start talking and probley wonder way? Just leave it it might open a new door for you?

[Matteus]

i know its a rebound and she says she really still misses me and would want us to work out but the fact that she is giving another dude the opportunity SO SOON after our breakup AND INSTEAD of me really kills anything we ever had. I know many of you will think "oh well she just moved on first." thats not what bugs me.

JEALOUS and EGOISTIC! You feel jealous cause there is someone else in her life and not you. You are egoistic because she is not giving you the opportunity to be in her life again. You think you are worth. You lost your position, and you want it back!

its all of the MEAN things she's said to me that pises me off. the fact that she says all of our good times were really bad times...

You are not ANGRY at all. You sound like that, but you aren't. All your problem is that, she is not valuing your relation, and it seems to like you have failed. That is a sign of egoism! She is angry, not you.

A breakup is one thing but for her to pursue another person and let them get between us, RUINS anything we ever had together. Especially aht she stays with him now. She says 'i dont even live at home anymore.'

What were you expecting? You are not in a relation anymore. And she is not going to stay alone, because you feel down! Stop thinking about these things. Focus on yourself, jealosy, possessiveness, co-dependency, controlling issue, and focus on the contact you have together, not other people in her life, otherwise you are going to lose her even more! Stop asking her about her relations! That's a sign of controlling and jealousy!

She said she wanted to marry and have kids with me. Now, 2months later she is staying with this guy at his place most everynight. Like i said i know i did the original hurting to her but she has repaid it 100fold back to me. the fact that she has moved on and is living with another guy soo quickly disturbs me about her charater. Also like i said, i would have been really good to this girl for her birthday if she hadnt been so disrespectful to us. -REALLY NICE. I can't wait to find out he result! Im still dealing with the anger too of what she'll be doing tonight for her bday and how shell be so amazed at anything this guy does / gives to her / with her. I can only hope thats she's checking her txt messages, waiting for one from me. I would love to have done something nice for her SO MUCH!!!!! but shes a cold heartless person who isnt the same anymore!

Again and again. Its not your feelings and your heart who want her back, its your Ego! You can't deal with losing someone or something. You don't love her at all! I would say she should forget about you! You are not worth!

TELL ME IM WRONG PLEASE. THAT I SHOULD BE SENDING A TXT MESSAGE OR EMAIL SAYING "HAPPY BDAY"
I DONT WANT TO RUIN A STALEMATE

HELP!!!
Seriously, friends, please let me know.. i need to put the ball back in my court! and i see no other way of doing it... from her perspective am i just going to look like an a$$ if she gets nothing from me? no txts? she is seeing someone! but she says she would come back! im so mixed up. weve had nc for 2 weeks and thats only because i was maintaining it! help! it's mid-day!

YOU ARE NOT LETTING HER TO CALM DOWN HER NEGATIVE FEELINGS TOWARD YOU or MAKE ANY DECISION! You are confusing her Life, her relation, her mind, everything. You mess the things, because of your egoism and your pride! Send her nothing, because you are doing it in a strategic way, not because you feel like it! You are freaking egoist! You want her back more than before! It's a big big difference between letting her come back to you, and wanting her back! Also is a big difference between wanting her back with your heart, and because of your pride! You need the ball in your court, because of your ego! Now, stop everything you did until now! Focus on your problems ! Let her come back, if she sees your lighting side, and the better person who is worth!

[Chery]

MATTEUS>>>

The comment you indicated and disagreed with was directed toward the poster...

His emotions are more important and I was trying to tell him that he should not think about her so much and go on with his life. In my opinion, you don't read people too well - so give it another try.

The dude got a cold shoulder and still wants to be 'nice'. He would be wasting his time and should find someone more compatible and caring. That was his main question, should he send greetings... he already is working on the rest of his healing process.







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[Matteus]

MATTEUS>>>

The comment you indicated and disagreed with was directed toward the poster...

His emotions are more important and I was trying to tell him that he should not think about her so much and go on with his life. In my opinion, you don't read people too well - so give it another try.

The dude got a cold shoulder and still wants to be 'nice'. He would be wasting his time and should find someone more compatible and caring. That was his main question, should he send greetings.... he already is working on the rest of his healing process.

Or you didn't got my point. Your post was directed to the poster, but like the poster was the victim in this case. That's why I dissagreed. On the other side, if you read my post, I was trying to judge HIS position and His behaviour, not if the girl was worth or not. I was not talking about the relation at all, as we never will know how it was, if we have only one side information (in this case the information of a angry, egoistic dumpee). She may be cold, gives a cold shoulder, or whatever. We are not focusing on her. SHe needs consulting or not, that is another problem. But, we can't judge the girl, from the information he gives us. Remember, his ego is hurt, so he blames on her, and so do we (because of the information he gives us). He can say she is a . And maybe we are going to say Yes, she is a , without even knowing the girl. But more again, WE have no right to judge the girl, but only the poster, if there is something to judge about HIM. Its not about the emotions and feelings, they are only superficial. They are going away with the time, but the real problems he has with himself, aren't going anywhere. In his case, he is one to be judged, as a controller, manipulative, egoistic, co-dependncy and jealosy issues. This is what he must be focused on. Are we here to help or what ? He will have the same problems in his future relations, if we don't help him right now!
And thanks for being a little ironic :)

[questionable life]

A man is great if he can put things back to where it belongs without thinking of looking back at it again... just leave her alone...

U are who you are, not who she wants. BE A MAN!!

Let her know that what she's done is wrong, let her regret by herself, and you get on with your own life

[Chery]

Or you didnt understand my point. Your post was directed to the poster, but like the poster was the victim in this case. On the other side, if you read my post, i was trying to judge HIS position and His behaviour, not if the girl was worth or anything. We can't judge the girl, from the information he gives us. Remember, his ego is hurt, so he blames on her, and so do we (because of the information he gives us). But more again, WE have no right to judge the girl, but only the poster, if there is something to judge. Its not about the emotions and feelings, they are only superficial. In his case, he is one to be judged, as a controller, manipulative, egoistic, co-dependncy and jealosy issues. This is what he must be focused on. Are we here to help or what ? He will have the same problems in his future relations, if we dont help him right now!

There is the issue... JUDGEMENT... which I don't make. I assess and help where I can to get the poster to think more about his/her self! In most broken relationsips, self-confidence and self-respect get a little bruised, that does not mean they are egotistical (although in some cases that might be) but it is not my job to JUDGE...

He in this case, asked a simple question of whether he should send birthday greetings... that's was the main issue here. He got my answer, Jiser's was to the point also. If he needs further help, we will be here to give it. I did not need to tear down his emotional state to answer that simple question.

[Jiser]

Sorry your completely wrong matteus. I disagree with everything your saying apart from the fact that he may have had his ego dented as with anyone who has been dumped. What's love without jealously either? Everone has been jealous on this earth at one time or another.

[Chery]

Sorry your completely wrong matteus. I disagree with everything your saying apart from the fact that he may have had his ego dented as with anyone who has been dumped. Whats love without jealously either? Everone has been jealous on this earth at one time or another.

Got to spread the comments again, but here's my opinion of what you just conveyed!

[Matteus]

Sorry your completely wrong matteus. I disagree with everything your saying apart from the fact that he may have had his ego dented as with anyone who has been dumped. Whats love without jealously either? Everone has been jealous on this earth at one time or another.

If you say so. Have you ever read something about jealousy, by the way? Who wrote the formula Love=Jealousy? What is love ? What is jealousy? Im saying that jealousy is just the oppossite of Love! And that is an issue! Tears, being vurnerable, jealousy, dependency, etc, are all weak signs of a man, or better to say feman. Anyway, I stay to this formula buddy: When someone wants to get out, let them go out. Being jealous, possessive, or whatever, will only make the things worse and show your bad part! By the way, what happen to the men who aren't so attached so emotionally, dependent and vulnerable to their girlfriends? Are they hurt in the end?? They care about their girlfriends, but they keep the Male position. What is the Male Position? Nowadays it seems like guys are more attached to their girlfriends, and girls not so. But we want them to be attached to us, and we don't understand that this is called co-dependency and emotional victim. The more we want them to do something about us, the less they do. We lose our position, and in the end we blame them.

[Matteus]

Gotta spread the comments again, but here's my opinion of what you just conveyed!

The Chery is a girl I guess

[Matteus]

[B]Chery disagrees: WE ALL HAVE EGOS and they prompt us to spontaneous feelings, then we work on them, that's part of being human and growing. You don't need to rub it in his face. We all make mistakes.

Where was the growing part? Have you read his message? I bet he doesn't even think about his problems at all! All he seems to me is "egoistic, wanting her back, jealous about the other guy, etc". Have you ever heard any part of him judging himself? I didn't. Now, how can he work on them, when he doesn't even understand them?

[Chery]

The Chery is a girl i guess

The Chery sure is a girl! A 56 year old woman who has been all around the world and living in germany at present. I have learned from many different cultures and studied all my life out of curiosity. I have a myriad of personal experiences, enough to know that when someone just asks for a finger you don't slam them with the whole hand.. that comes later when they have more trust in you. Getting into someone's face too fast especially while they are 'emotionally in pain' is not the best way to help because they are bombarded with too much already... Any psychologist will tell you that. That is like kicking a dog when he's already down and hurting - not a practice that I apply.


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[jolienoire]

I had to put my 2 cents in as I have been talking to this Ryan guy in a prior post about contacting her he failed to mention this girl wants nothing to do with him, she says he is scaring her by him calling and contacting her, the mother even got involved and told him to leave the daughter alone, this girl told him she was happy with her new man, and he tried to convince her he made a mistake, and constantly kind of harassed her. So In this case I think he shouldn't call or send her anything.. It would just be annoying her more..