[missb]

Hi,
Me and my ex just broke up about a month ago... our relationship was off and on for a year and a half and every time we broke up, it was him who suggested it because he said he wasn't ready for a relationship.Now I'm talking to one of his friends.not on purpose but because I took interest into him.I met him when my boyfriend and I broke up one time and neither of us knew I was my ex girlfriend and he was his friend until we got back together.now we broke up again probably for good, I want to talk to him and he want to talk to me.is it OK I talk to my ex's friend or am I wrong for doing so?

[kp2171]

Its not sacred ground... the big thing is whether his friend is willing to have this be an issue and whether you even care.

Also, sometimes jumping into another relationship this fast, after one where you kept going at it but it didn't work, isn't the best idea. It IS OK to be alone sometimes, and you risk this being a rebound relationship.

If that's what you are after, OK.

But to answer your question is it "wrong"... well, how much do you care about hurting your ex? How upset do you think he will be? Do you care? Does the friend?

Wrong? no. complicated, uncomfortable, worth the trouble? Maybe. Or not.

[Bluerose]

I would say let it go and move one. Find someone new. If he is your ex's very good friend it might be awkward if you two should really hit it off and want to get married.

[missb]

The thing is, I asked my ex if he would be OK with my talking to one of his friends and he said yeah... the friend is willing to risk their friendship because there are not really close... I don't want to jump in a relationship right away with him, but sooner or later I want to.

[missb]

Also, right now, I don't really care about my ex's feelings... he didn't seem to care about mine when he did what he did.

[kp2171]

Well then you have mostly "green lights" all around, except for that little voice in your head wondering.

I dated a friend of a girl I had dated previously. The first one was nuts about me and it really bothered her when I started dating her friend... but it was also almost a year after we had briefly dated and she was just still fawning over me. She got over it. Especially when she moved on and starting dating other people.

So don't make it a bigger deal than it is. And I'm not saying a relationship soon after one crashes and burns is always a terrible idea... it just means there might be bumps in the road.

I starting dating my wife within a couple of months after a major breakup. The girl had cheated on me and I was pretty bothered by it, since I had also been cheated on by another serious girlfriend. But by then I was older, I had been through it once, and I guess I was just smarter about staying realistic and grounded.

Dating my wife so soon after the previous breakup meant I had to get the previous girl out of my head, including all the sense of betrayal, lost trust, etc. which meant there was some noise my wife had to put up with... but that doesn't mean it was a mistake by any means...

So you know there's no perfect one-size-fits-all answer here. I can't tell you when you are mentally prepared for a relationship after a breakup, or even what that relationship should "look" like. Letting yourself talk to another person can be healing, and a little attention can be a boost to the ego. Nothing wrong with that.

The only thing id say is I think you've had some trust issues, not just with your ex but with yourself.

You said you were dating a guy you loved while you were communicating to your ex behind his back. You were upset a guy you were dating was trying to talk to his old ex on myspace and you were accessing his account without him knowing. Some trust issues here you are going to need to work through one way or another.

[talaniman]

I think you just need to be in a relationship and any one will do. Is a month long enough to be single in light of your recent break up?

[s_cianci]

Go for it. I don't see any problem.

[deefayz]

Sweety your doing the right thing there is nothing wrong with doing what makes you happy your no longer with him so don't worry about anything that used to be his like his friend... DO WHATEVA MAKES YOU HAPPY

[mconroy1399]

Okay.. you could still talk to him but everything that you talked about wouldn't be about you and him any more because he will still want to talk to his friend about your relationship. Are you doing this because you want to be with him or are you doing this because you are hurt?? Do you like his friend or just playing revenge because your ex hurt you? These are the questions that you need to ask yourself before you end up getting hurt again. You seem like you already know what you want to do.. go for it.. life is too short to care about what everyone else is thinking.

[talaniman]

Heal first, and then you can answer your own questions.