[SDRAWKCAB-SDRAWROF]

I don't quite know how to word this so forgive me if it's a bit rambling:
On last Wednesday I got a phone call from my mum, (who incidentally I consider to be one of my best friends and vica versa), she found a lump on her breast and had to go to the doctor who has referred her to the hospital to check to see if it is cancerous. Naturally she is terrified and I am trying so hard to be strong for her and make sure she's OK, however, because I'm at university I can't be at home all the time as much as I want to, and likewise my dad can't take time off work. I want to reassure her and make her less scared, after all it may not be cancerous.
However, my main problem is the person I consider to be my best friend(not my mother, a girl I live with) is being completely detached from me, only speaking to me when she has a problem, I know she's stressed but for once I want her to be there for me, like I try to be for her, just once when I need her without feeling like a complete burden. Am I right that friendship is like a tandem both parties need to pedal or they will fall and break?
My other friends are being great but I need her too, but I doubt she'll ever realise it.

[NowWhat]

Your mother is scared to death right now. Cut her some slack.
She doesn't know what is going on with her health right now. She can not be strong for both of you. It is probably taking all she has to be strong for herself.

Care enough for her to realize it's not all about you.

[SDRAWKCAB-SDRAWROF]

OK firstly I am being strong for my mother
I have stayed with her as much as I could this week for as much time as I could get away from uni.
And have made every effort to reassure her.
I am asking why my "friend" who I live with isn't being supportive and why she is distancing herself from me when I really need some support to help me support my mother to the best of my ability.

[NowWhat]

Now I am confused.
You had said your mother - whom you consider your best friend. Are you referring to another best friend?
If that is the case - then my advice would be different.

[SDRAWKCAB-SDRAWROF]

Yes, another best friend... as I have re-edited my prior post to make this more clear.

[NowWhat]

The original post seems to have been edited to be a little more clear.

Okay - please excuse my original advice.

From past experience with things like this - some people see cancer as a death sentence. It is not. But, she may feel like she can't be positive if this is how she feels about this disease. She may think she is doing you a favor by keeping her distance.

And just because your mom found a lump does not mean she has cancer. I found a lump about two years ago and it turned out to be nothing. My mom finds them all the time - they are fibroid cysts. It is very scarry because of the mindset it puts you in.

Good lUck to you and your mom.

[SDRAWKCAB-SDRAWROF]

Thank you.

[J_9]

I'll give you the skinny coming from a cancer survivor myself.

Your mother is scared to death right now, rightly so. I know I was when I was given the diagnosis of breast cancer. You are doing right to be supportive of her, but remember that she has a life too, and it should not revolve around the cancer. Don't talk about it unless SHE brings it up. Just be there for her when she needs support. I know I hated my family acting as though I was dying and treating me like they pitied me. God it made me sick, so sick in fact, I had to tell them that I am NOT dying, that there are cures and treatments and to just treat me as they treated me before I was told I had the Big C.

Now, as for your friend, she may not know what to say. She may feel uncomfortable with the whole situation and not know what is right or wrong as far as supporting or comforting you. Sometimes the people outside of the family tend to distance themselves from the situation. I had friends who I never saw once I got the diagnosis up until after my chemotherapy. Cancer scares them and some people are afraid to face it. Just give her some time, I'm sure she'll come around.

[SDRAWKCAB-SDRAWROF]

Plus I should also mention the fact that any time this friend: now using the term loosely, has a problem she comes to me to tell me all about it and seek advice... and at the time I need her... she doesn't care at all?

[KalFour]

People can be selfish... far more often than is appropriate. Clearly your friend is caught up in her own problems at the moment. What she's experiencing might seem trivial in comparison (and considering the severity of your situation and your perfect right to be afraid, it probably doesn't even come close) but it is obviously upsetting for her. That doesn't make it right for her to be dismissive about your feelings, but her attitude, while selfish, isn't necessarily grounds for ending a friendship.
If you're so hurt by her behaviour, tell her. And in the meantime focus on your mum.
I hope she'll be OK. I hope you will too.
Kal

[SDRAWKCAB-SDRAWROF]

Thank you, I would love to tell her how worthless she makes me feel but I doubt very much that she would listen, as I've told her things that bother me before and she's fine for a few weeks but then just goes back to what she was like before