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Stare At The Sun · Nov 10, 2007, 05:30 AM

I have a friend who has depression. He goes to a psychologist but he says that, that doesn't help him much. Sometimes he gets really down and I ask him why he feels like that and he says that he doesn't know.
I don't understand how someone can get sad for no reason. Like without them thinking about something sad or something bad happening to them, How can you get sad for no reason? And how can I help my friend feel better? He says he doesn't like talking about it but when I try to steer the conversation away from how he's feeling he's unresponsive and seems sad. What can I do to make him feel better when I don't know what the problem is?

blabla96 · Nov 10, 2007, 05:53 AM

Originally Posted by Stare At The Sun

I have a friend who has depression. He goes to a psychologist but he says that, that doesn't help him much. Sometimes he gets really down and I ask him why he feels like that and he says that he doesn't know.
I don't understand how someone can get sad for no reason. Like without them thinking about something sad or something bad happening to them, How can you get sad for no reason? And how can I help my friend feel better? He says he doesn't like talking about it but when I try to steer the conversation away from how he's feeling he's unresponsive and seems sad. What can I do to make him feel better when I don't know what the problem is?

Hey, I think that you need to talk to your friend and say that his mood is affecting others. Maybe he'll tell you why he's so sad. Check your local obits for his friends and family, as the pycologist (sorry, can't spell) might actually be a grief counselor. If he is married, it might be marriage problems. If he is dating, it might have been a break-up. But, rest assured, you are right that it is pretty hard to have sadness without reason. It might be SAD (Seasonal depression) too. If you live in the northern hemisphere. THen, recommend that your friend ask his counselor about sitting under a UV lamp. How long has he been sad?

Stare At The Sun · Nov 10, 2007, 07:53 PM

Thanks for replying.
He has said to me that there is a reason as to why he is depressed but he doesn't know what it is yet. I think if he did know what it was he would tell me... I can't see a reason why he wouldn't.
He's not married and I'm pretty sure he doesn't have any relationship problems. And we live in Australia.
He was diagnosed with depression about 3 or 4 months ago but I'm not sure how long he's been sad for.

J_9 · Nov 10, 2007, 08:01 PM

Sweetie, he may never know WHY he is depressed. Clinical depression is a chemical imbalance of the neurotransmitters. He could have a good day, get good news and still be depressed.

He can't tell you what is wrong because he does not understand himself.

It's best if you don't focus on his depression unless he brings it up himself. Just be a friend.

Stare At The Sun · Nov 10, 2007, 11:33 PM

I'll try to stop talking about it with him but I just hate seeing him sad, I just feel like I have to help him... But if there's nothing I can do I'll just let him know I'm always there for him.
Thanks for your help

KBC · Nov 11, 2007, 04:42 AM

Originally Posted by Stare At The Sun

I'll try to stop talking about it with him but I just hate seeing him sad, I just feel like I have to help him... But if there's nothing I can do I'll just let him know I'm always there for him.
Thanks for your help

That is the best you can do for him, be there.

If you continue to question him, he might begin to feel pressured by you and begin backing away from your friendship, I know I did when I was a teen, I left my friends hanging since I couldn't understand what I was going through, and depression being what it is, made me feel like an outsider, set apart from normal people.

If anything, I would suggest positive reinforcement, saying how good they are doing, looking good, things of that sort, but be yourself, A person suffering with depression is leary of others compliments, they can read a bullsh*tter when the see one.

Ken

J_9 · Nov 11, 2007, 10:05 AM

I have to totally agree with Ken. If you continue to focus on his sadness you will push him away and lose a friend. He already feels different than everyone else, and when you continue to ask him why he is sad, and he doesn't know, he feels even more like an outsider.

Just be yourself around him. I know it's hard being a friend to someone who is depressed, I have lived that role all my life, but you have to just be yourself and let him be himself. It's hard enough being depressed when you have friends and family members questioning you all the time.