[petie1963]

My daughter who will be 17 in 3 months has become uncontrollable and has learned to manipulate both parents in the court system. A year ago she cried abuse by her father, the non custodial parent and she refused to visit him even after my attempts to plead with her to go on her weekends. This caused contempt charges filed against me and 8 months later she had to visit. Just last week she begged not to have to do again on Wednesday and then the very next day when I caught her in lies and failing because of her report card she went out of controllable and started calling her step mother and father claiming abuse. They took her on her visitation and did not return her after my repeaded attempts. I filed a motion on my own and got her back into the home. My goal was to sit her down to find out what she truly wanted with no influence from her father (the one she told a judge last year that she was scared to death of). She cause a scene in my home yesterday, threatened to call the police on abuse even after the judge says he doesn't see that in our family and said she'd make blood so that the police would take me away. I've battled over and over with her father for almost 17 years. She failed the 10th grade and now she's failed the first quarter again and is headed for failing another year. Because of her outbursts and insisting on living with her father and the emotional trauma this is causing all parties, I had my mother come over they packed her bags and my mother dropped her off at her fathers. I called my counselor and she said that was the right thing to do. The court battle in just 8 months prior was over 10K and I am not going to let any snot nose teenager, my daughter or not run my household, make threats on me and ruin me financially.

Her father has never helped me with anything other than the measly child support, I've paid for her braces, computer, car, clothes, activities you name it and this is the thanks I get from her. He never even called her before. Some say she'll want to come home in a couple of weeks but I don't want her after the months of verbal abuse and threats and constant battles. I cringe to come home wondering if she is going to cause an altercation in my home.

Question. How do I relinquish my rights fully and wash my hands of this mess. She will be 18 in one year and this is what she wants.

[Synnen]

You can't.

As a parent, you are legally and financially responsible for your child.

Put her in military school if she's that bad, but you can't just give up because it's gotten too hard for you.

[LearningAsIGo]

This is a sad situation indeed. Talk to a family counselor; its possible she could be considered before a judge for legal emancipation.

Personally, I think you should get professional counseling for both of you. If she refuses, go without her and find the help you need. You've gone this long and I understand you're frustrated, but giving up on her will ruin her life and cause serious emotional scars that she'll never recover from. She's too young and immature to realize that right now.

[macksmom]

If the step mother wants to adopt her and the father is in agreement with this, you could sign your parental rights over to the step mother.

[s_cianci]

Change your locks and phone number now, before she attempts to return.

[peggyhill]

I'm sorry you're dealing with such a difficult situation. It's too bad you've had to do so much on your own. It's good that you are seeing a counselor. They can really help. Has your daughter ever had a mental health evaluation? If not, you might want to give that a try. Your doctor can probably recommend someone who is good with teens. Are her teachers aware of her problems? Perhaps her guidance counselor could recommend some things that would help, like an alternative school program. If you haven't already, get her teachers and doctor involved. Maybe they can help get to the bottom of this. When did she start behaving like this? Do you think something hurtful may have happened to her that would make her start acting out like this? I mean something that she didn't tell you about. If you haven't already, make her go to see a counselor by herself and with you. That way she won't be able to try to manipulate you with the "I'll call the cops". If you are both in the counselors office, she won't be able to say that she'll cut herself to make it look like you hurt her. Don't let her threats keep you from taking her. The judge already said he doesn't see any abuse in your family. Tell the counselor that she makes threats like that. Call her bluff, in other words. I hope this helps! I'm sure that later on in her life, she will be glad that you stuck by her during the hard times. If you try (or have already tried) stuff like this, then you have to make the decision that you think is right. A lawyer or social worker could probably help you figure out what you can do according to the laws where you live. Good luck and God bless!