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alpha_zero · Oct 15, 2007, 05:29 PM

To get over my first girlfriend it was really hard man. Believe me she dumped me for a guy she talked to on the computer who she never met who lives in ENLGAND. Lol common you believe that. The rest of the semester for high school with me was absolutely horrible. But my friend helped me, we sat together, talked, and stayed away from her. The more you keep her out of your mind the better. What you should do to get over her though since there might not be a chance what so ever is to delete her from everything you have. Cell phone, delete her, msn delete her, telephone number delete her. The more you think about her the more the memory will stain and hurt you more. Just fade her away from your life like she was never there and the pain will be gone. It won't take a night man it will take a while but if I were you I would cut contact from her

Amanda_88 · Oct 15, 2007, 05:30 PM

The no contact thing is a good idea, but you also have to be sure of what you want, be strong in your decision of not loving her anymore, and with time you will achieve it. This will not be a fast process, but you will eventually leave you felling for her a side. The fact that she is acting this way means she doesn't deserve you. That's my opinion.

mik2007 · Oct 21, 2007, 03:35 PM

Hey everyone, you all have probably heard this problem before but my ex of 2 months now has just recently started dating a new guy, and I am feeling very heartbroken about it. He is 7 years older that her, lives out of town and they just started dating a week ago. And even though it was bound to happen and everyone is going to say that I saw it coming, it still makes me feel horrible and heartbroken inside. I am also kind of mad about it, because it has only been 2 months and she is already with a new guy. I know everyone is different and handles things like this is different ways but after a 6 year relationship I kind of thought that she of all people would may take awhile to meet someone new. The really crappy thing and the main thing that pisses me off the most is how I found out that they are dating. She came into my work with him, holding his hand and walking close together. When I saw them I advoided them and I don't believe she saw me at all when she was there. She knows where I work and what hours I work at so I don't know if she intentionally plan on doing this or maybe because she didn't see me she figured I wasn't there. I found this pretty low on her part and would expect it if I treated her horrible over the years but it wasn't anything close to that. It was her birthday on Monday and I worte her a small email just saying happy birthday. The next day I saw her at my work and then the next day after that she wrote me back. She wrote me back talking about what she has been doing and starts saying stuff like "i went here today and it made me remember when we went there" and stuff like that. Then says that I should call her one of these days and we could catch up. After seeing her with that guy it makes me not want to write her back but because I still have feelings for her my heart can't decide. Even on Facebook something she goes on from time to time it still says she is single. I just don't know if she is with this guy just for a rebound or what the deal is. Everyone tells me that is seems like she is keeping me on the sidelines and doing what she wants to do because the more partying and meeting new people she does, then she doesn't have to face what she did to me. And I just don't know what I did in 6 years to desurve the disrespect I am getting. Its just really hard to deal with.

bummedout4 · Oct 21, 2007, 03:44 PM

I am in the same situation man, after a 4 yr relationship my ex is seeing someone. We been broken up for 6 weeks and she been seeing him for like 3 or something. It sucks a lot and she keeps saying she wants to stay in touch, and not lose me from her life. Well you know I have to come to realize you got to go NC and let them do their thing. They haven't forgotten about us or the times we had, but may be confused and in love with the illusion of something and someone new. You got to just go No Contact for a while, let them miss you and figure out what they want. It really sucks, I love her to death and want her back but for now you got to concentrate on yourself. It took me a while to realize this and its still hard but hopefully over time, we will heal and they will realize what they are missing. If not, I guess it's their loss. Good luck man, you are not alone.

mik2007 · Oct 21, 2007, 03:58 PM

Thanks for the advice buddy. Its great to hear that others are right there with me with the same problems. I love her to death so much and that's why it hurts to see or hear her with someone new. Not sure if it is just her trying to rebound but it hurts a lot. I have tried no contact but its hard. I still want to be there in her life but I know its hard to get over her if I am there. I don't talk with her everyday, maybe 3 times since the breakup but its really hard to keep this going. She is the kind of girl that needs to be told she is beautiful and looks for the attention to boost her self esteem and I was that person for 6 years. So she is probably looking for that and that's why she is with someone so soon.

bummedout4 · Oct 21, 2007, 04:06 PM

Yeah probably a rebound, same as I suspect with my ex. This guy was there where she worked, she got scared and kind of bored with me maybe after 4 yrs and wanted to see what's out there. It hurts but I don't think they don't care about us, just something in their heads made them think they had to do this for themselves. I tried to get her back and cry and ask for another chance but it didn't work. At first it kind of made her mad and pushed me away further, then I backed off and she contacted me a few times here and there. We last talked via text last Tuesday and basiclaly she is confused and doesn't know what she wants. I talked to her mom and she said that she is really stressed from school and confused with her life right now. All I can do is give her the space, not bug her, maybe get back in low contact in the future, but nothing like before. You don't want to be their emotional support while they are trying out someone new. You have to let them realize what you bring to the table and what the new guy does. This will be the only way the will miss you and think twice about what they are doing. I am still in the middle of it so I know my advice probably isn't the best, but I have been on this site for almost 2 months and its helped a lot. There are a lot of good people here with advice that may be hard to take, but in the long run will be best for you. If she comes back and you forgive her great, if not well we will all be better people. I know its hard, but just remember there is always hope, you just have to realize right now things are out of your control, let nature take its course. Time will heal and will lead you guys back together or in a direction you never thought about. STay positive!

mik2007 · Oct 21, 2007, 06:10 PM

I agree with what you are saying and I commend you for what you have done so far to handle this. For me, I keep my distance from her but its really hard to do so cause I hold on to this hope that she will change her mind about us and I think that I have to keep contact so I can stay in her life. I know this is wrong but I can't help it cause I feel very lost without her. It is basically me being the one that is contacting her and making an effort and she is the one doing the no contact. It should be the other way around and that's what's weird because she broke my heart twice over the summer, ignoring me when she comes into my work and now she is coming in with a new guy to basically rub it in my face. I should be pissed off but my heart keeps me from being mad and I just miss her so much more. I don't know what I did in the 6 years to desurve the treatment that I am getting cause it never treated her like this. With the email she wrote me wanting to catch up one of these days.. I don't know if I want to respond to it. I want to talk to her because I want to speak with her but I know that if I do it won't do any good.

Jiser · Oct 22, 2007, 04:03 PM

Argh she doesn't want you. Maybe she's not the person you thought she was. Its sad that you need someone in your life to feel 'secure' or 'happy', says it all really. Your become a stronger person because of this. NC and improve your life. Let it give you the kick up the as it did for me!

mik2007 · Nov 8, 2007, 04:38 PM

Hey everyone, I was just wondering if it would be wise to break NC for special occasions like birthdays, anniversaries, christmas, valentines day etc... I know that NC is key importance to getting over a break up but is it bad to do this? Even if your ex is with a new guy/girl, would it be all right to do this if you are not over them?

Rockstar714 · Nov 8, 2007, 04:40 PM

No, absolutely not.

AustProd6 · Nov 9, 2007, 12:34 AM

NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Absolutely NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTT.
Let them wonder what you are up to. It drives them nuts.
It won't change anything between them and newby. Just give them an ego boost.
SO NO!!

MissingHim2Much · Nov 9, 2007, 05:43 AM

Please under no circumstances break NC!! It will only hurt YOU and make your ex think you're not getting on with your life... Even if you aren't you never, never, never want them to know that. My ex's Birthday was a couple weeks ago and even though he probably knew I thought about him I wasn't about to give him the satisfaction of knowing I was.

chris08 · Nov 9, 2007, 06:00 AM

So, are you saying that unless they're not human... everybodys ex will be thinking of us at some point over the holidays?

MissingHim2Much · Nov 9, 2007, 10:12 PM

Originally Posted by chris08

So, are you saying that unless they're not human... everybodys ex will be thinking of us at some point over the holidays?

I like to think so, honestly I don't know how much they think about us but I think if you basically had a good relationship then they must think about us occasionally.

ryaninvegas · Nov 13, 2007, 09:25 AM

What if I broke up with them and want them back? I broke her heart first... and even though mines breaking now, hers is the only one that matters... she's not coming back right away because she's met someone since -> but says she's willing to someday.
No sending a card for her Birthday this week? Its been 12 days nc. I brought her flowers to work last year and bought her a necklace
Regarding NC: I want them back. This isn't just for my own peace of mind. Like I said she could possibly come back in the future. Still ice her?

jolienoire · Nov 13, 2007, 09:29 AM

NOOO contact! A holiday, a Sunday, Monday.. They are still days. Not such a good idea! If they were thinking of you then they would have contacted you, and even if they do don't answer let them leave a message to see what they have to say and their reason for calling.

chris08 · Nov 13, 2007, 09:53 AM

Yep as above. That's what I'm going to do.

ryaninvegas · Nov 14, 2007, 04:11 PM

Thanks

mik2007 · Nov 24, 2007, 04:45 PM

I am in sort of a dilemma here. It has been 3 months since the break up and I have been doing the whole no contact thing off and on for the whole time. On her birthday I sent her an email just saying happy birthday and she responded back saying things like we should catch up and stuff like that. She came into my work a few weeks ago looking for me and I asked if she was up for getting together sometime the next week. She agreed and said that she would contact me to get together. The week past and I got no phone call or anything, I met a girl and went out for coffee with her and my ex found out about it. The day after making the coffee date I got a text message from my ex saying sorry about not phoning me and asked how I am doing. I didn't respond to the text cause I didn't want to seem desperate to talk to her. I went for coffee with the girl I met and really didn't have much in common with her and wasn't attracted to her because all I can think of was my ex.

By the end of the week I then decided to respond to the text message and later that evening I got a phone call from my ex. She was asking me how I am doing, how my date was and what I am up to to. Then she just came out and was blunt with me... she said she really want to stay friends and that she misses me. She says that we were together for 5 years and I am an important part in her life and wants to stay friends but doesn't know how I stand in this. She says she will do anything that will help me through this.. if it would be no contact for a year or not to call me or message me or whatever. I told her that I do still miss her and that my mind is really screwed up right now in what I want and that I do want us to talk but its too hard to do so. My question is I know that being friends is going to be hard to do and talking to her only makes me feel worse and more heartbroken, but is it possible to be friends with someone that you shared intimate moments with and still care for me than anyone in the world for 5 years? I know she cares about me otherwise she wouldn't have called me and I know that where she stands is different cause she did the dumping, but that might be how she feels now and might not feel that way later on. I am just not sure what to do cause I don't want her out of my life but I also still love her and always will so it will be hard and I can't figure out what is right. Please help

crushedovernover · Nov 24, 2007, 05:49 PM

I didn't read your story.. Listen man,, Take it from me. Be friends with her. Show her that it doesn't phase you.. Be there for her as a friend. It sounds tough and I didn't do it myself and I regret it till this day.. My ex and I have a son and Her and I can't talk. I have done NC for 4.5 months but so has she.. She can't talk to me cause she knows she still has feelings for me but our relationship just doesn't work. Be friends. Be the bigger man. And learn to let go.. I thought I was starting to move on and once again the uphill battle continue. It takes time man.. But stay friends. Saying you don't know if you can be friends shows your weakk. Remember that. Be stronger then she ever thought you can be.