Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask
    LoveMyMarine's Avatar
    LoveMyMarine Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Nov 6, 2007, 08:22 AM
    Is it wrong to have a civil ceremony now, and a big wedding later?
    My Fiancé and I want to get married when he comes home on leave in Dec. He is in The marines and he has to go to iraq in Feb. I want to marry him because i love him so much :D and if worse comes to worse at least I will have his last name! So would it be wrong to do a civil ceremony now and while he is gone I can plan for the big wedding for us to have when he gets back?

    He will be gone for 7 months! I mean we are not going to tell anyone that we are getting married before because then that would make them not want to come to the real wedding:confused:

    Please give me your thoughts on this,

    Thanks a bunch!:)
    DaBaAd's Avatar
    DaBaAd Posts: 271, Reputation: 36
    Full Member
     
    #2

    Nov 6, 2007, 08:47 AM
    If you're asking the question "is it wrong", then something else has transpired to make you believe that it might be or is making you feel guilty. Is it wrong for you? Do what is right for you. Don't give up control to someone else's opinions because legally it's not "wrong".
    LearningAsIGo's Avatar
    LearningAsIGo Posts: 2,653, Reputation: 350
    Survivor
     
    #3

    Nov 6, 2007, 10:47 AM
    The only thing that would be wrong is if you did it in secret.

    My cousin did that. I was in her wedding and DURING the ceremony, we found out they had actually been married for a year in secret. It hurt everyone's feelings... that's what was wrong about it. I don't think anyone should get married in secret, or at least do it and then tell people. They don't want to feel like you "fooled" them into coming to a formal ceremony. If people want to come, they'll come if you're already married or not.

    Are you worried that if you're already married your parents won't pay for another one? Be upfront... you don't want to start on a lie.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
    Uber Member
     
    #4

    Nov 6, 2007, 11:48 AM
    I would at least tell his parents and siblings prior to and invite them simply because of his going to Iraq. If he were to get killed over there problems could arise. One being they find out they weren't there or even told about a big event such as him getting married they will be devastated and take it out on you.
    My son has his adopted family and his girlfriend besides me and I would be more than hurt if any of them kept anything about him from me. It is hard enough knowing he is in Iraq. I worry about him and when I will ever get to see him again everyday!
    macksmom's Avatar
    macksmom Posts: 1,787, Reputation: 152
    Ultra Member
     
    #5

    Nov 6, 2007, 12:46 PM
    My husband and I tried to do this... we just wanted to be married, and were only doing the whole "wedding" thing for family. I had a falling out with my mom and we were trying to come up with the money for our wedding on our own which was hard and was going to take longer than we thought.

    We went and got married at the courthouse and wasn't going to tell ANYONE... then have a ceremony and still not ever tell anyone that we had already got married. Well once we were married for a few weeks... the secret was killing us, plus we then saw it as pointless to have a ceremony, and we thought if we told people we were already married, they would see a ceremony as pointless too.

    So needless to say, we ended up telling everyone. A few of my siblings were a little upset, but got over it. But everyone else was happy for us... because they understood, in the end it wasn't about "everyone else" it was about us and what we wanted to do.
    We sent out "We Did It" announcements and planned a wedding party... it was fun :)
    jillianleab's Avatar
    jillianleab Posts: 1,194, Reputation: 279
    Ultra Member
     
    #6

    Nov 6, 2007, 12:54 PM
    Get married in December with your closest family and friends present (parents and siblings). Have someone film it, and have a small celebration after with the members who attended. Then plan a large reception in which you invite EVERYONE and take time out before dinner to show the video to the rest of the guests. That way everyone gets to "see" you get married, but you aren't tricking anyone or lying. You can still have the dress, the flowers, the cake, etc. You could even stand with your husband to the side of the screen as the video plays to give the visual illusion you are being re-married, but also so you and him feel you are getting married with all your family and friends present. You could even include some footage before the ceremony of you getting ready, etc, but for the sake of the guests, keep the video pretty short.

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions

 

Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search

Add your answer here.


Check out some similar questions!

Planning a wedding ceremony... [ 3 Answers ]

Hi there! :) I'm planning a secular wedding ceremony... Does anyone have any good ideas for readings/poetry, or 'rites'/ceremonious acts that we could incorporate? I've thought about doing a hand-binding ceremony, including some music and poetry - though nothing is totally fixed yet, and...

Big belly but am not pregnant? What's wrong? [ 1 Answers ]

Hello, I will be turning 21 in a few days and I haven't had my period since August 7th. I went to the hospital for a "urine" pregnancy test and it came out negative. My belly is getting a bit bigger and bigger day in and out and I've noticed that when I breath, I tend to breath in deep (in a way...

Which party afford wedding ceremony? [ 2 Answers ]

I want to know whether men's family devote money or women' does.

Married at the courthouse - then still have BIG wedding? [ 7 Answers ]

My daughter who is 22 decided to get married at the courthouse (May 11) all of a sudden. She never told me or my family and I found out the next day when we went to take her out to dinner for her birthday that they had gotten married the day before at 10:00 in the morning. Now her grandparents...

Second Wedding Ceremony [ 8 Answers ]

My husband is in the military. We have been together for a little over 5 years, but only married (this month will be) 9 months. We planned on getting married when he graduated basic training. He told me that he wasn't going to be able to come home before going off to his first duty station. I was...


View more questions Search