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Diamondstar03 · Nov 1, 2007, 02:43 PM

kanicky73, little firefly, I appreciate you alls kind words. I am trying to stay strong. Since you all said she is just wanting to get a response out of me and make me upset. I just don't know what to do? I am still in love with her and that's why it hurts so bad. I just don't know how she can be so mean and cruel. I miss and love her but can't give in... I am so hurt. I want the both of you to know how much I appreciate your thoughts. From a woman's point of view, can I ever expect her to wake up and see how she is hurting me?

little firefly · Nov 1, 2007, 02:59 PM

If she has any kind of a heart, and had any love for you at all, then she should already know it. I couldn't imagine ever causing any kind of pain to anyone that I loved, even if I am no longer with that person.

I know how much it hurts to still be in love with someone who does things to hurt you, I'm still dealing with it myself. If she does wake up and realize it one day then you have a decision to make as to whether you want any more contact with her. For now just stay focused on yourself and your healing, because your emotional well being is the most important thing right now. Don't allow her to hinder that process... easier said than done, I know.

Diamondstar03 · Nov 1, 2007, 04:08 PM

What is wrong with me? Why am I letting this get to me so much? I thought I was doing well, now I am just doing crappy again. I love her and miss her so much, I feel like such a sap!! I am disgusted with myself for being so sad. It has been over 3 months now and I am still crying like a child. She seems to be taking pleasure in hurting me. This is so unkind. I can't believe I was so wrong about her after 5 1/2 years. This just breaks my heart all over again.

little firefly · Nov 1, 2007, 04:25 PM

There is NOTHING wrong with you, and you have no reason to be disgusted with yourself. It's been 6 months for me and I still cry. For some of us it takes a lot more time to get over a broken heart. It's because we give our whole heart to the person we are with and think that it will be forever. Don't give up on yourself. 5 and a half years is a long time to be with someone, so it's going to take a long time to heal. If you feel the need to cry, then by all means cry, and don't ever think or let anyone else make you think that there is anything wrong with you for it!

Diamondstar03 · Nov 1, 2007, 04:35 PM

Thank you firefly, I am just so upset. I wish she would just want to be back together. I would give anything to be back together and happy. I guess I am just fooling myself to ever think she ever will come back. This holiday season is going to hurt so bad with her being gone :( I miss her so much and can't fathom how much it hurts every time I fall down. I have read so many get your ex back ebooks and feel like it was all a waste. I am so gullible. I would do anything to be back with her and I shouldn't think that way. I am just so sad. I think about her constantly, I wish I had some way of knowing anything about what all this means!! Gosh I am so emotional and sad. This hurts so bad!!

little firefly · Nov 1, 2007, 04:56 PM

I know what you mean about wanting to get back together with your ex. I feel that way a lot about my ex too. I miss him, and the times we had together, but then I wonder if we would get back together if I would just end up hurt by him again. Letting go is so hard.

I wish I could reach through my computer and give you a big hug and tell you that everything will be all right. I can't do that, but I'm almost always online and ready to listen if you ever need to talk to someone who understands.

Hang in there Diamondstar

kanicky73 · Nov 2, 2007, 07:05 AM

Don't be so hard on yourself. Your having natural reactions to feelings you have for someone you care about. Stop and think for a moment that maybe just maybe the reason she is still stringing you along so to speak is because she still has feelings for you but can't say it because she is involved with someone else and maybe she is torn as well. She definetely isn't handling it correctly but that may be why she is acting like this. She may be struggling as well as you are but she has someone to take it off her mind, you don't. Go out and socialize with your friends. If you and her are meant to be together it will end up that way. In the meantime find things to occupy your time so your not just sitting around thinking about it 24/7. Easier said than done,I know, but you may be surprised at how much you think of her less when your out keeping yourself busy.

little firefly · Nov 2, 2007, 07:38 AM

I definitely agree with Kanicky. There could very well be the possibility of her being torn and not really knowing what she wants. Sometimes love can make us do some really strange things that don't seem to make much sense.

Don't live like you hope for it to happen because you could set yourself up for even more hurt. Live knowing that if it's meant to happen then it will one day. As Kanicky said, find things to occupy your time. I've always been an animal lover, so I've been been giving some of my time volunteering at this areas animal rescue league. It gives me a feeling of fulfillment and keeps me from constantly thinking about my ex.

lmnotok · Nov 2, 2007, 08:24 AM

Hey, stop it! If you keep on saying "im upset, im sad.." then u'll always be addicted to being depressed --> that's the normal psychology, no kidding!

If you want to be happy, then think happy things. Are you ready to tell yourself everyday after you wake up and before going to bed that "yes, i'm leading a happy life, i have enough air, food, good job and everything in my hand. Nothing can defeat me and stop me from enjoying my life". Just try to tell yourself now, see how it works.

Focus on things right around you, you will find the meaning of life.

You will only lead your life to EITHER BETTER- happy- OR depressed all the time and a real loser. The choice is yours.

She is the rotten part of your life. When she turns her back on you --> you turn your back on her too. You don't need to answer anything if you don't want. No one can judge like "u piece of sh1t for not answering", you have human rights, so whoever told you that, if that person is in front of you, beat the sh1t out of them, if they are far away, just ignore them. They are losers for sending things without respond.

Diamondstar03 · Nov 2, 2007, 08:58 AM

Hey you all, thank you for your kind words. I do understand what you are saying. I really do, its just hard. I really do try to be positive, and keep busy with things. I just lose it more often than I would like to. She means so much to me, and I just seem to mean nothing to her. It is hard to accept after so long. I just don't understand is all. I am a real good person and have so much love and affection to give, and I have been dating some, and seeing people, its just that there not her. I just fell for her way to hard and deep in my heart. I really thought she felt the same way. It seems that once I was divorced and with her exclusively I didn't live up to her idea of what she wanted over time. It just hurts real bad. I know she wanted for us to be married, but I wanted us to be happy and married. I do feel foolish since I let her walk all over me like a doormat. I just should have had more self respect to say your mean and cruel. But since I am so sappy in love with her I let her do it. I hope she leaves me alone now. She has not tried to contact me since that last mean text about I am piece of sh^t, which was yesterday. Think she may try to contact me again?

kanicky73 · Nov 2, 2007, 09:52 AM

Then I would take this as she is finally getting it. But like I said she may be acting this way because she is struggling with the same thing, just handling it different than you. I don't think you have taken a moment to really think about it that way. Please stop and think that this may be her reaction to her struggling with her own feelings, this may make it easier on you. Either that or try getting mad about it and mad at her for acting like such a fool. Do you really want to be with someone who can be so mean? Really think about that. I know love can be blind but I certainly wouldn't want to be with someone who can get so nasty when they don't get what they want.

Diamondstar03 · Nov 2, 2007, 11:13 AM

kanicky73
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Then I would take this as she is finally getting it. But like I said she may be acting this way because she is struggling with the same thing, just handling it different than you. I don't think you have taken a moment to really think about it that way. Please stop and think that this may be her reaction to her struggling with her own feelings, this may make it easier on you. Either that or try getting mad about it and mad at her for acting like such a fool. Do you really want to be with someone who can be so mean? Really think about that. I know love can be blind but I certainly wouldn't want to be with someone who can get so nasty when they don't get what they want.

Thank you Kanicky73, I agree and my love is way too blind I think. I don't want to be with someone that is mean and nasty like that. Its just like you said, its been a long time is all, and she wasn't like that before. I used to think she was just struggling with her emotions, but now I think its just I don't matter and it kills me. I guess it is a hard lesson to learn. Just too bad I had to lose everything to find that out. I miss and love her so much!! I do wish I could get mad, just can't seem to do it. I am such a sap.

smoothy · Nov 2, 2007, 11:46 AM

Personally I would maintain NC so you can get your life back on track. That is what is your #1 priority.

Diamondstar03 · Nov 3, 2007, 09:22 AM

Thanks Smoothy, I am doing just that. It hurts still every day though, I still just can't believe it you know? I just wish I was stronger :(. 2 days since her last text. I really miss and love her so much, but I don't miss the cruel mean words. I will NOT break NC until she comes around and even then, not sure what I will do after all this. What do you all think?

s_cianci · Nov 3, 2007, 09:26 AM

Keep up with the NC. She'll have to deal with the cat on her own. Whatever you do, don't respond to her. It sounds like she's trying to maintain control, seeing if she still has a hold on you so don't give away your power by giving in to her.

smoothy · Nov 5, 2007, 07:54 AM

Originally Posted by Diamondstar03

Thanks Smoothy, I am doing just that. It hurts still every day though, I still just can't believe it ya know? I just wish I was stronger :(. 2 days since her last text. I really miss and love her so much, but I dont miss the cruel mean words. I will NOT break NC until she comes around and even then, not sure what I will do after all this. What do you all think?

Just keep with it, one day you will wake up soon and its not going to be bothering you much if at all. Everyone needs a different amount of time, but in a few months you will be feeling much better if you keep away from her. Treat her like you would poison Ivy. If you insist on playing with it its going to bother you a long time, but keep away from it and you don't have the long term irritation.