Listen everyone I need some help. I got a text from my ex, its been 12 days since we had any contact. I have kept NC in place. I am so confused. She before was telling me she doesn't know what she wants. She sent me a text tonight about her cat. She wants me to come get the cat since her allergies are bothering her for having her. This is the 4th time in 3 months she uses the cat, she tells me if I don't come get the cat she will just have to give her away to someone since she can't bare to take care of her or her allergies are bothering her too much or the cat reminds her of me too much, etc... What a crock of crap! It was her cat initially, we didn't get it together. I do love the cat very much, but want nothing to do with going over to her house since I get kicked out just to get the cat. I don't want to have any contact unless she wants to work things out between us. She has used this before as a way to get me to reply to her, and then she starts in about other stuff just to make sure I am still there I think and that has nothing to do with the cat. I don't want to reply, it kills me she is using this cat thing again. I don't know what to do? I have not idea who she is anymore. This is cruel and heartless! Why would she be wanting to hurt me like this? Please everyone help me I have worked HARD on NC and healing myself and feeling better. Now I am worried if I reply I will be back to zero once again. I can't allow that. I miss our cat, but miss her too much. This is so mean and cruel. What does it mean, what should I do? HELP SOS SOS!!

You stated it perfectly. She is using that cat to make you break the NC. She knows that you will respond to the cat, so it's the last thing she has control over. It's good that you are able to see through it, and know she is using the cat to her advantage. If it's going to hurt you and make you lose what you have worked hard for, then don't reply. Don't give in.

PLEASE HELP!! What do I say?? How do I handle this??

Send someone over to get this cat. Someone that won't tell her about what you have been up to.

Unless you want her to keep this cat to contact you in the future.

She is very desperate and if not a cat she'd find other methods to keep you squirming. Immaturity, spoiled and with no line defining her behavior; just stay away and don't respond. One tiny response will give her a months supply of fule which will be used to launch a much larger demented scheme. Be very happy you didn't get her pregnant. Good luck. Ps don't work so hard on the NC just think of her as "the sniper at the gate" and just Zip-It. She's not a friend. She's someone you never met. She's someone you'd never want to meet. She's someone few of us would ever want to meet. She's BAD NEWS. If she were ever another man's cup of tea you could bet on one fact; there's a man out there who's breath could melt the brass off a door knob. DON'T even think about being that one guy.

I just got another text. Word for word says "I know you hate me but will you please tell me yes or no about the cat so I can do something about it"

I am devistated every time she sends me a message. I can't believe that I mean so little to her to not even think about our relationship after 5 1/2 years. I can't understand why she is so cruel!! What should I do? I am hurt all over again. I was doing so well. This is so hurtful!! Anyone know what is going on?

I think she is thinking of you but you are very emotional which is normal. Don't beat yourself up about it. You are being completely and utterly NORMAL! Make a decision about the cat. Do you want the cat? Can you have the cat? etc... if you decide to take it then send someone to get the cat for you. If not I would ignore her and let her figure it out. It is not you cat it is her cat which means it is her problem. Hope that doesn't sound too harsh lol. Oh yea don't even acknowledge the hate her remark she is trying to get a reaction out of you. Maybe to confirm you care which I doubt but maybe. Or maybe to stroke her ego. Either way not your problem. GOOD LUCK!

Do you want the cat? Seriously, do you want the cat? If your answer is no, tell her that! Reply and say, do whatever you need to with the cat, I don't want him, so stop texting me and calling me cause Im not going to come and get the cat. After that don't respond any more.

Thanks for you all replying, let me just say I love the cat, but it is not about the cat. This is so hurtful I can't even think. I know I am getting all emotional once again. I was doing so well, this just sucks. Why do girls find it necessary to keep stomping on your heart when they have already broken it? I have not bothered her, nor will I, she can do whatever she wants to, she is seeeing someone and I am not being psycho, I have left her alone. I am still in love with her, but know I have to let her go and am trying very hard. It just seems to me she have not loved me for a long time and it is so easy for her to continue to take punches at me with my emotions. This is so unfair, do any of you girls have any advice about what she is trying to do to me? I have accepted we are broken up, I have not bothered her, let her move on however she wanted to. All I keep thinking is this is just a ploy to get me to reply, then she will know I still love her. This is so mean, why does it matter, why would I want to help her after she ripped out my heart over and over by giving me false hope then telling me how she is hurting also and still cares? This is so cruel and mean! Why keep hurting me? Its like she is someone completely different. I don't know her anymore, this hurts so bad. I just have lost it all over again. I am so exhausted with the emotional sadness!! Help me please!

Diamondstar03, the healing process is never easy. To answer your question about why women do this, not all women do this. She obviously has issues within herself whether they are insecurities or what. You need to try and keep yourself busy. Find things to do.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Diamondstar03

Thanks for you all replying, let me just say I love the cat, but it is not about the cat. This is so hurtful I can't even think. I know I am getting all emotional once again. I was doing so well, this just sucks. Why do girls find it necessary to keep stomping on your heart when they have already broken it? I have not bothered her, nor will I, she can do whatever she wants to, she is seeeing someone and I am not being psycho, I have left her alone. I am still in love with her, but know I have to let her go and am trying very hard. It just seems to me she have not loved me for a long time and it is so easy for her to continue to take punches at me with my emotions. This is so unfair, do any of you girls have any advice about what she is trying to do to me? I have accepted we are broken up, I have not bothered her, let her move on however she wanted to. All I keep thinking is this is just a ploy to get me to reply, then she will know I still love her. This is so mean, why does it matter, why would I want to help her after she ripped out my heart over and over by giving me false hope then telling me how she is hurting also and still cares? This is so cruel and mean! Why keep hurting me? Its like she is someone completely different. I dont know her anymore, this hurts so bad. I just have lost it all over again. I am so exhausted with the emotional sadness!!!!! Help me please!

---

Be strong! You Deserve better!

Don't lower your standards she is obviously messing with you its either the cat or something else. I would consider changing you numbers. If you feel the text messages are too much. I wouldn't even bother saying anything else to her. Nothing Complete NC.
Change your number and that will ensure no contact. Delete all contact info from your phones etc.. I am sure you have her number memorized but make it as dificult as possible for you to contact her. That's what I did and it helped a whole lot. You don't owe her or the cat anything. Who you owe is yourself you owe yourself a break. You deserve it take it enjoy it and don't turn back. I feel for you I have been there and believe me I can relate to the overwhelming feeling. You need balance in your life and you need to get her out of the way so you can focus on you. Breathe it gets easier.

kuulski, thanks I appreciate your words. I wish I could change my number, however it is a company phone and would be A lot of trouble. I have removed all contact info and stuff so I don't get reminded but it still hurts. I thought I would have woke up today feeling better but I feel the same. Its so hard to even get up, all I feel like doing is laying down in bed like I have been for 2 days now and feel sorry for myself. I know it is not what I should be doing, I am just so depressed. I just can't fathom how this is the way things are now.

You are not at Guantanamo Bay ----

Don't feel powerless.

You can respond to her however you wish. She IS using the cat... but hey.

You can get it. Send a friend. Tell her not now. Just know that NC is your right.
And so is feeling in control. This was only a temporary setback.

Ok so more texts today, and 6 or 7 calls. I didn't answer any of them. It was real mean the way she was talking. Telling me I am not being a man to give her an answer. Not replying to texts. Saying she is going to take the cat to the shelter, etc... I thought I made my position clear the last time we spoke. I said, "I am done playing your games, you are a cruel mean person to me and dont care about me, I have nothing more to say since you are not intrested in me anymore since you broke up with me and are still playing with my emotions!" So why oh why is she still bothering me? I am not doing anything but trying to heal? I am giving her what she wants? What else can I do to feel better? I am hurting so bad with all this, but I will NOT break NC until she shows me I matter, which I think will never happen now. So I will not reply to anything. Is that wrong?

No you are doing the right thing! She sounds like one nasty piece of work!! Man - stay away! In 12 months time you'll look back and wonder what you ever saw in her - look at people's reactions on this thread!

I always found going to the gym was a great way to forget about an ex. Go for a run and then call an old friend. DON'T REPLY TO HER. It's over and you're better for it.

Ok, now I am really depressed. I need some real opinions now. I still have not broken NC and will not answer her calls or her texts. She has called 5 times today and sent this text "whatever! ur a piece of sh^t for not answering. i can see that u really loved the cat just like u said u loved me. its all a lie with u. goodbye" This is so mean to me, I can't even understand what all this means. Please you all tell me what she is trying to do to me? I am so upset now. Please help me

She is trying to say things to get you to respond. When she realizes that your not answering her, she is going to resort to comments that will get under your skin and cause a reaction of defending yourself. That would include you calling her to give her a piece of your mind. Don't DO IT!! Stay STrong!!

I know :( I am trying so hard to stay strong but I am hurting so bad with her hurtful words. How can someone be so cruel?

That's exactly what she wants is for you to be upset

I agree totally with Kanicky, she wants you to be upset. She wants to know that you are still pining away for her.

Don't let your guard down Diamondstar, stay strong and stay focused. If you give in to her games then you will be back at square one. I think that it's really low that she would use the cat to try to get to you that way. You're doing great with keeping the NC, keep it up. Reading your post made me so sad because I can relate to the pain that you feel. Just remember that We are all here, and we are all behind you.