[aconte]

Hello,

My fiancé has bi-polar, ADHD, and OCD. His attacks are generally against himself. We have recently moved closer to his mother and all of a sudden his sickness has begun to turn on me. Out of nowhere he will say stuff like, "I'll slit your throat and watch you bleed to death" or he will threaten my life in anyway. He has hurt himself in the past. The first attack at me was verbal and now he is actually starting to pick up objects (scissors, chairs) and threatens me with them. I never fight back when he has the attacks I usually calm him down by saying I love you and after his attacks he feels guilty and says he loves me and does not want to lose me. During the attacks he will say that he does not need me now that he has his mother and that he cannot be in a relationship because he can't love and that he wants to concentrate on getting better first. But hours later he will say, I need you to get better, you're my light and my life. I'm not sure what to do. My family tells me to let him get better and maybe move out or terminate the relationship, but it's hard when you love someone. Am I in the way of his sickness if he says I am? I researched his conditions, he is beginning to get more help and proper medications. He was on Zyprexa but all that made him do was sleep so he stopped taking it. He is hoping to get on Paxil.


During his attacks if he tells me to move away or he'll kill me, do I go? I just get confused because when its done he hugs me and apologizes.

I'm beginging to worry about my safety.

I do see your answers below and I do have to answer that yes he does have tourettes as well, so he does not know what he says sometimes during the attacks but he says he can recognize the actions, that's why he put down the scissors (but it was an intense moment I thought I was going to die) and same thing with the chair he put the chair down after as well

[J_9]

He is not compliant with his medication and this will only get worse. You NEED to get OUT for your safety NOW. Right NOW.

This is very common with some forms of the diseases you have mentioned. He sounds like Rapid Cycling Bipolar to me.

He is non-compliant with his meds and until he finds the right one and stays on it, this will continue. I am of the belief (with my mental health background) that he needs more than the Paxil will offer, as Paxil is not typically prescribed for Bipolar disorder. He needs therapy, not just medicinal, but professional help.

Your safety IS at risk and you need to run for the hills. Sure, he'll be sorry, he'll promise it will never happen again, he loves you... Girl I could tell you all of the excuses you will hear, BUT, and I mean BUT, this will not stop unless and until he gets the proper doses of the right medication, stays on it, yup you guessed it, for life, and gets into therapy.

[Choux]

You have to understand that he can help himself... he is not making an effort because his behavior is terrible. In America, all kinds of help is available to him including a more concerted effort to get proper medication, job training, therapy, 12 Step Programs to help him grow... just because he has major mental illness does not mean he has to be a violent monster!

It is all about him... find a better man is my advice.

[J_9]

Thank you so much. You answered my question regarding "Violent Bipolar condition". You're absolutely right. It's time I protect myself. Thank you so much!

Not only will this behavior continue, but it will get worse. I can promise you that without medicinal treatment and therapy it will only get worse. He needs to be put on a trial of antipsychotic medications if his thoughts are this bad. It can take up to 2 months to be able to tell a difference in his behavior.

Many people are non-compliant with their medications due to the side effects. They don't understand that the side effects diminish with time. Another reason for non-compliance is that once the meds start working, they think they are cured and that's just not the case.

[kanicky73]

J-9 doesn't his behavior somewhat mimic turrets syndrome. Maybe not fully but is it possible that maybe in addition to the Bipolar symptoms could be suffering from turrets? Just an idea. Its so hard sometimes to pinpoint exactly when it comes to mental health and there are so many disorders that can go hand in hand. Just a thought.

[J_9]

I don't really see Tourette's here. I wonder why you suggest that. If you let me know, I'll look a little deeper into the post and be able to give an educated guess (without knowing the man I can only guess), and let you know.

[mchanna77]

I completely agree that this man needs professional help from a psychiatrist and therapist. You will never have a healthy, loving relationship with this man until he gets help and that could takes months, more likely years, until he would be able to offer you the kind of relationship you deserve.

Take care of yourself and let him go. It will be the best thing for you and him.

[kanicky73]

My reason for thinking that was because he is so verbal and says hurtful things only to apologize for them later. Gradually he went from hurting himself to verbally attacking her and now its gone physical. I know most of the time turrets is more of verbal outbreaks rather than physical but I have seen someone with turrets get physical. She throws things when she is mad and will even throw them at you. If your standing close enough when she starts to go she will even pinch you. Then several minutes later she is feeling very guilty for saying the hurtful things and for throwing stuff.

[J_9]

You were very astute in your observation Kanicky!! The OP has edited her post to let us know that he does indeed have Tourette's Syndrome. I didn't even pick up on it. Good pick up!!

[kanicky73]

Thank you! I have a family friend who suffers from it so his symptoms sounded very familiar.

You were very astute in your observation Kanicky!!! The OP has edited her post to let us know that he does indeed have Tourette's Syndrome. I didn't even pick up on it. Good pick up!!!!

[KBC]

Hello,

My fiance has bi-polar, ADHD, and OCD. His attacks are generally against himself. We have recently moved closer to his mother and all of a sudden his sickness has begun to turn on me. Out of nowhere he will say stuff like, "I'll slit your throat and watch you bleed to death" or he will threaten my life in anyway. He has hurt himself in the past. The first attack at me was verbal and now he is actually starting to pick up objects (scissors, chairs) and threatens me with them. I never fight back when he has the attacks I usually calm him down by saying I love you and after his attacks he feels guilty and says he loves me and does not want to lose me. During the attacks he will say that he does not need me now that he has his mother and that he cannot be in a relationship because he can't love and that he wants to concentrate on getting better first. But hours later he will say, I need you to get better, your my light and my life. I'm not sure what to do. My family tells me to let him get better and maybe move out or terminate the relationship, but it's hard when you love someone. Am I in the way of his sickness if he says I am? I researched his conditions, he is beginning to get more help and proper medications. He was on Zyprexa but all that made him do was sleep so he stopped taking it. He is hoping to get on Paxil.


During his attacks if he tells me to move away or he'll kill me, do I go? I just get confused because when its done he hugs me and apologizes.

I'm beginging to worry about my safety.

I do see your answers below and I do have to answer that yes he does have tourettes as well, so he does not know what he says sometimes during the attacks but he says he can recognize the actions, thats why he put down the scissors (but it was an intense moment I thought I was going to die) and same thing with the chair he put the chair down after as well

HI,

I would think leaving him is very selfish,(from a sufferers' point of view)

A 'better man'? Is there a normal for who is better,try living in their shoes and say that:(\

My first response is to look at these sites and make a decision on your intentions with this person.

How to Recognize, Cope and Deal with Your Loved One's Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar Parenting

Discover the Comprehensive, Proven System That’s Helped My Mom and Thousands of Other People with Bipolar Disorder Rebuild a “Normal” Life

You did say you love him, what boundries are you willing to set, and not rationalize them, for your safety and his needs?

I, for one, have burned that 'proverbial' bridge with a few too many relationships, and strained many, many more due to my suffering of my illness, I would NEVER tell someone to leave a hurting, needy, mentally hindered person, who is in a great need of support, unless your LIFE is in danger.Setting a boundary to insure your safety is paramount, and a way out(plans to leave safely at any given time), if this is too much, leave, if not as J9 stated, if he is going to be noncompliant with the meds given, you need to address your safety due to his erratic behavior, If you can support him while he goes inpatient and complies to prescribed care, maybe you'll be OK.

All in all, if you think its over, it is certainly not.

This is a lifelong issue, treatments only last as long as they last, sometimes its years till a person will stabilize , sometimes a few months.

If your willing and able, I say stay, support him all you can, look at how many friends he has,close friends,and tell us how his life is full of joy,easy serene and peaceful, then ask yourself where he would be without you.

Living with manic behavior will turn your eyes red and hair gray early(you aught to see my pics,, LOL :))

My family and friends love me when I am complaint on meds, and worry to no end where they went wrong when I would go off them( for whatever reason), in the end ,the strong and true are always there for me, the others just can't handle to longterm problems of mental handicaps and scoot on with life to find easier softer ways.

Again, look to your safety first,his needs second,but please, don't lleave him unless you really need to.

From one who's' been there,

Ken

[KBC]

I wonder how this situation is developing today?

[aconte]

Hello,

Well the situation has calmed down a bit. My fiancé has agreed to help himself as opposed to letting his condition run his life. He has his second appointment today with a therapist and I have already seen a different side of him since his first visit last week. He is eager and excited for the help. And when he has his down times, he does not threaten anyone, he may speak negatively, but he does not threaten me. I have decided not to give up until of course one more outbreak were to happen towards me, but if he is willing to help himself and recognizes that he is sick and wants help, that I will give him that. He doesn't want to lose me and I am calm and caring and I want to make sure he gets the help he needs. He should be getting the new medication today. I will keep sending updates of course.

Take Care :) and Thank you all again!

[KBC]

I am VERY happy to hear your news,

I hope he does well(and you) on this new road to recovery.

I am rooting for both of you and wish you all the joy life can really give,

Ken