[BiWiccanAndProud]

Okay a friend of my family is having problems with his girlfriend of 5 years (also a family friend). They are constantly argueing and degrading each. Lately she was getting on him cause he needed a better paying job (he was working for a moving company). Well she was degrading him calling him a loser and such and he slowly worked himself into depression. He went out to drink with a few buddies and didn't bother coming home cause she never lets him in the house after he has drank (even just a little bit). Now he is staying at my house cause she doesn't want him there (he's even got a new job).

She has very high standards and spends a lot of money (the kind of girl who runs of the credit cards then yells at him about it!). He has told me he knows he's not the good guy or anything but she's not the best either. He has offered to go to a therapist with her to try and work things out but she refuses to! She has very high standards with herself as well and does not like to admit when she has a problem or is the source of one. A lot of times she won't even talk things out with him (right now she will not answer the calls from my mom).

Another part of this problem is her daughter. He has been in this little girls life for all but one of her years of life so she looks at him like a dad (she is 6 years old). It's hurting her and it hurts him to have to tell her he can't stay at the house right now. Does anyone have any advice for me to give my friend? Perhaps to his girl? So that they can get this worked out...

[BiWiccanAndProud]

Anybody? We really need help on this!

[statictable]

High standards among those of ignorance can work. High standards among those who shame themselves will not work but both can ride on the same wave. He's not an ignorant creepy twink and would do favor to himself by leaving this woman. Most likely could work out an agreed upon time to visit with the young child.

[BiWiccanAndProud]

That's the thing though Billy loves her and Stacy won't let him see her daughter when they are fighting. If he broke up with her I doubt she would let him see her.

[shygrneyzs]

People that argue and degrade each other are not compatible - you know that. They would be better off without each other. So there is a child involved and this child is not his biological child. You are right that the mother can refuse visitation. But why in the world would someone pursue a woman who obviously is not even on the same planet as he? What sense does it make to live in such dysfunction, in order to spend time with this child? That may sound harsh but it is honest. It does no good for either of them or the child. The child has already heard and seen more than she ought to. She has been brought to accept this kind of relationship garbage. Not hard to see where she will be - just like her mother.

Your friend should drop this woman and try his best to get emotionally healthy. Or else he will repeat this behavior.

[BiWiccanAndProud]

Oh no no no Kindol is one of the most sweet little girls in the world and she cries and yells at her mom every time she makes billy leave. Billy is like this girls father. He doesn't want advice on how to leave her guys. He wants advice on how to stay with her! He loves her.

Like I said he has offered counseling with her but she refuses cause she doesn't like to admit she is a problem or has one. He says every time he tries to point that out he yells at him and knows that only someone else could talk to her and she MIGHT listen. But she won't talk to any of my family when her and billy are fighting. And it's not like they fight like this all the time... just every couple of months >.<. So I guess another question is... how do we gently tell Stacy she is being a money hungry, high standard,