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martin mcevoy · Feb 15, 2007, 04:25 AM

Hello My girlfriend are still seeing one another but now live apart after I adimitted I had a one night stand. We've had problems over the past year when we'd go to parties she'd act inapropriately with other guys. Like firting. She also had quite a few friends that she'd previously slept with in the past, when I would ask her, have you ever been together she would look at me and say yes along time ago and just once.

Anyway she's still coming around too see me during the week for a couple of nights but she won't let me see her naked or touch her in anyway sexual. I driving me slightly mad she say's that she's not ready to give me that at the moment and in her own time now.

This week she's going out too aparty on Friday with a new chap she's just met at work I'm not invited as she say it just her workmates birthday. She also going out on Saturday, with Her friends which I also know, when asking her if I could come she said if you want too? But I don't think I'm feeling all that comfortable in big groups of people with you at the moment, they all know that there's something going on but she's not told everyone the whole story as yet. The last thing she said when she left my flat was she loved me.

What do I do next, I'm very confussed.

talaniman · Feb 15, 2007, 06:13 AM

She's hurt and letting you know it. From your other post you already know what your in for. She is showing you how you made her feel. Until she gets it out of her system this is your life and there can be no moving forward until she knows you get it. She is obviously not going to let this go lightly as this is a very big deal to her as well it should be.

martin mcevoy · Feb 15, 2007, 07:21 AM

What should I do now?

talaniman · Feb 15, 2007, 07:46 AM

Get busy and impress her with some heartfelt apology, and a heart to heart talk, You broke the trust and its going to be a while, a long while before she trusts you again. Some romantic dates should be in order, and make her smile and feel wanted. She must see by your actions that you are very sorry for what you did!! Your lucky she even talks to you, and her friends know too? How can she save face without putting you through the wringer?

martin mcevoy · Feb 15, 2007, 08:04 AM

OK Some dates is definitely a good idea I've already taken her out twice for dinner. And have made her meals when she'd come over. She know's I'm sorry she also knows I'm sexually attracted to her. But she doesn't want in that way. As for friends she's only told a few details to them and they have not asked her apparently all she's said is that she's staying with xxxx at the moment.

She's keeps making plans now without me, but she say's that we are still in a relationship too me. I also know her friends and feel islolated.

Do you think she may be moving on, then why come and see me. I like your advise what should I do next?

talaniman · Feb 15, 2007, 09:49 AM

There is no next. And never take what she says to her friend as gospel because females do talk, but will keep you in the dark. I feel for you as your paying for a bad mistake and until you realise just how bad, you will always be wondering. Its not about the sexual attraction to her but the TRUST issue. How about something positive and constructive to occupy your time and no one can say when or if you will be forgiven. Court her like you just met.

Nohitter410 · Feb 15, 2007, 10:07 AM

I was watching the movie Eddie with Whoopi Goldberg and she made a good point to a basketball player. He was starting to go through a divorce but not yet finalized because he cheated. He still wanted her back and Whoopi told him you need say your sorry every day and she then said even say your sorry for saying your sorry too. Give her flowers or whatever you can to show her you care, something from the heart.

He then asks Whoopi if she will take him back and Whoopi goes HELL NO!! it is just a start.

You cheated dude, this is just showing it is a long process and you are going to have to earn her respect. For you to just assume you deserve her to see her naked or anything sexual on anything else but on HER TERMS is a crime. You made the mistake and you are lucky she is still with you. Keep on doing things to show her you care. Being afraid to come out in big groups and sitting at home alone is not going to show her, going out with her friends and being a man about it and showing her you can be by her side even when you messed up is good.

Take it slow and find ways to show you her care and not all have to be noticeable. Maybe listen to her because she will give you subtle hints as to why you aren't getting any or as to why she wants to go out alone. Let her be and JEALOUSY will ruin relationships. If you can't trust the girl then you shouldn't be together. She had men in the past, she is with you. If she sees these guys on a regular basis then so maybe you have a gripe but because you cheated you really don't have a place right now to bring up anything because you will be fighting even more of an uphill battle then, but if these guys are just casual friends where you guys run into her is really not a big deal. You need to get over the insecurity and jealousy of all wanting something, if you understand that you can have a hell of a lot more control if you don't demand sex or demand her being out with her friends she might be more willing to give you what you want because it will make her want it more.

Sorry to be blunt.