[jlehick]

8 years ago a woman gave my parents a child he was only 1 year old no legal papers were signed and she has never supported him in any way. Out of the blue she went and got him for school he is now 9. What are my parents chance on getting him back?:(

[macksmom]

A woman gave you parents a child?? No legal papers were signed??

Ummm, something legally had to be done. A person cannot just raise a child for 8 years without something legal saying she is either the child's adoptive parent or guardian.

[jlehick]

The only thing that was given to them was a hand written paper saying that she gave them her rights

[Fr_Chuck]

Basically they have little legal standing, they will need an attorney to even try.

[grammadidi]

Gosh, what a horrendous situation! I really feel for your parents, and you. I honestly don't know what their chances are, but I suspect that they might be high IF they act immediately! If they had a paper, the first thing that should have been done was to call the police. Frankly, even without one, the child was in their care and physically custody, so they should have been called. They may not have been able to help legally, however they may have convinced her to give him back and go through the courts.

I think they should find themselves a good Family Law Specialist... and I stress specialist. The longer between the birth mother taking him and action taken by your parents, the lower I believe their chances will be, and the more emotionally detrimental to the child any transition will be. It will probably be important to him to know that they want him back, however, and at the very least they will be able to see him and reassure him that they love him. It is a very tough situation to say the least. In my situation all I had was a letter from Children's Services indicating that they supported my raising the child and it was their opinion that neither parent should be allowed access or custody at that time. I was always afraid one of the birth parents may show up one day. We went the adoption route and the birth mother eventually signed the Consent to Adopt.

Don't forget, if it goes to court, the child will probably have a say due to his age.

Please keep us informed! My thoughts and prayers are with you, your 'brother' and your parents.

Hugs, Didi

[macksmom]

grammadidi disagrees: Sorry, you are wrong. I raised a child for over 8 years with no legal documentation WITH the support of Children's Services.

Was your case with foster care of the child, as I see you have more than one adopted child... or was your case the same as the OP... someone just handed you a kid and walked away?

[grammadidi]

grammadidi disagrees: Sorry, you are wrong. I raised a child for over 8 years with no legal documentation WITH the support of Children's Services.

Was your case with foster care of the child, as I see you have more than one adopted child....or was your case the same as the OP....someone just handed you a kid and walked away?

My case was that someone left a child with me for what was supposed to be a short period and never returned. I had the child for nearly two years and she disclosed paternal sexual abuse. She had also suffered from severe neglect. Children's Services had been heavily involved with the child's parents prior to her birth and for the first 4 years of her life. They were unable to remove the child as there was "no physical evidence of abuse". I was later told that this child's case "fell throught the cracks".

After the disclosure of abuse, Children's Services were contacted, an investigation was done by them and police. Charges were not laid against either parent (due to the length of time that had passed and the age of the child at the time. As the abuse had allegedly taken place prior to her 4th birthday, the police deemed her to be an unreliable witness), however the abuse allegations were confirmed and the father was placed upon the National Sexual Abuse Registry. Children's Services gave me a letter stating that they were aware she is in our physical custody and fully supported this. They also indicated that in their opinion neither parent were suitable guardians at that time. That was all I had.

I actually refer to this child as my adopted daughter in other posts, as it is a long and difficult story, but there was never a custody order or adoption. We did pursue adoption which was held up due to the ineptitude of our first lawyer initially. Later, we hired a Family Law Specialist. Unfortunately, the lack of clear-cut guidelines for older child adoption slowed the process up for nearly two years. The mother during that time signed a consent to adopt after resurfacing about 7 years after she abandoned the child. (She did have a restraining order against her and had lost custody before the child was 2 years old.) We were just about to finally go to court when my husband took ill and became the priority.

Sadly, the Family Law Specialist became frustrated with my refusal to leave my dying husband and attend his office to sign paperwork and my request that the entire issue be temporarily put on hold. (It would mean leaving my husband for nearly two hours and he begged me not to leave him in anyone else's care after I had left him for a nurse for a short time and she had almost killed him. This is fact, she was fired from the agency due to the incident.) Our lawyer, in his frustration, ended up closing the file. After my husband's death, due to my emotional state and the regression of the child after losing the only safety net she had ever known and believed it, the adoption was not pursued. Once I was more capable of continuing the case, I was told we had to start at square one again as all the paperwork was considered outdated and not valid (ie: the child's and mother's Consent to Adopt, correspondence from Children's Services, etc.) in addition to having to change all the paperwork from my husband's and my name to mine alone.

I had already invested an incredible amount of emtional resources, time and money into the process and I was drained both financially and emotionally. I decided at that time that there was no way I could pursue the adoption. I am the one who registered the child for Day Care half days to socialize her, and for school when she was ready. My husband and I took her for sexual abuse counselling and began the quest for attachment therapy. We nursed her when she was ill, coached her sports, volunteered at her school, etc. However, I was told by the police when they investigated the sexual abuse that if the parents had showed up and tried to take her we would have little to stand on. They DID say that the correspondence from Children's Services would probably have given them the right to prevent the parents from taking them immediately, until another review by Children's Services was done.

The entire time that this child has been in my care I did not even have her birth certificate, nor could I legally apply for it. It was not until she turned 14 and could request her own that we could obtain that. Therefore, I have been unable to travel with her as well.

I hope that clarifies things. I would also like to say that in the support groups that I have both been involved with and ran, I have learned that in many, many cases of grandparents raising grandchildren (or other family members and even friends of the family) there has NOT been documentation, custody orders or adoptions. I would say, overall, in my experience that would be a figure above 75%.

Also, my daughter came to me shortly after she turned 4 and she will be 17 in March.

Hugs, Didi

[macksmom]

Well you learn something new everyday... I would have assumed it was impossible that you could do all these thing without proving that you had some guardianship over the child.

Actually that's kind of scary.

[grammadidi]

Actually that's kind of scary.

You see it as scary, but for the situation I have seen many children in... I see it as a God send. However, I understand what you mean. The fact is, this kind of thing has been going on for years. It's just more out in the open more.

Didi