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Jrs Battle · Aug 2, 2007, 07:53 PM

I live in NY and My children one 6 and the other 4 are no longer with me the mother left and hid them from me. Now I am in court and all I want is Joint Shared Custody. Is this at all possible? And now the kids are no longer in the house that they came from. She is in a shelter with my children. What's my options?

NowWhat · Aug 2, 2007, 08:02 PM

Get an attorney. You have a right to fight for your kids. Just as much as she does.

Why is she in a shelter? Is it a battered women's shelter?

Jrs Battle · Aug 2, 2007, 08:07 PM

Yes she is in an abused shelter. But I never abused her. I have no police contact nothing.

NowWhat · Aug 2, 2007, 08:12 PM

I would find an attorney. Most offer free consults. You do have rights to your children. I would get a visitation order in place as soon as possible. You will probably have to start paying support also. That will all be arranged in the order.

Jrs Battle · Aug 2, 2007, 08:18 PM

Ok but what can I look for every other week end and that's it? I love my kids and I want to be more then a part time dad.

NowWhat · Aug 2, 2007, 08:25 PM

Shared parenting would give you more time. It is probably something you will have to fight for.
A friend of mine is divorced and her ex sees their daughter every week. It isn't shared parenting. He gets her every wed. and then every other weekend. On the off weekends he gets to see her on fridays.
But like I said, that isn't shared parenting.

What kind of visitation would be ideal for you?

Jrs Battle · Aug 2, 2007, 08:29 PM

I would like every other week end. And 2 nights a week. That would be the same for her. And I also found out that she applied to social services for welfare how is that going to work?

NowWhat · Aug 2, 2007, 08:33 PM

Are you married? I am guessing not. Are you listed on the birth certificates? Social services won't typically give public assistance when there is a dad out there who can pay child support. They will go to you first.

If you want that visitation schedule - then fight for it. There is never a guarantee when you go to court. But, you have to fight. I would also check into parenting classes. The court more than likely will order you to take them anyway and that is something you can already have taken care of.

Jrs Battle · Aug 2, 2007, 08:42 PM

No I am not married. I guess that was for the best. I still love her. And yes I am on the birth certificates. And my 2 kids have lived with us since birth. I helped her give birth.And now that's she is in a shelter how will that work out? She gets food stamps from s.s and s.s has sent her back to work. And I will be going to court for child support but how will that pan out if I get a 50/50 with her?

NowWhat · Aug 3, 2007, 07:14 AM

An attorney can work that out. I am not sure what the calculations are for your state.

ScottGem · Aug 3, 2007, 07:23 AM

If she is in a shelter and applying for welfare and its not because of anything you did, then you should be able to get physical custody. Its clearly not in the best interests of the children to live in a shelter when there is a home environment for them.

I would definitely get a lawyer. The first step should be contacting children's services and have them take charge of the children and give them to you in temporary custody. Then you can file to make the arrangement permanent.

Jrs Battle · Aug 3, 2007, 10:39 AM

Thank you ScottGem. I did call children services and they can't do nothing about it. And I did have a temporary custody but it was only until the 2nd court date. And I couldn't find my kids cause she was in a shelter in East Hampton. Now she is in a safe house like in Sayville and I get my kids every other week end and sometimes Tue and Wed night. Court isn't over and my next court date is in Sept. I just wanted to know what's the norm for custody.

ScottGem · Aug 3, 2007, 10:46 AM

There is no norm. Its usually a case by case situation. But I find it hard to believe that children's services did nothing. If you did have temporary physical custody and she takes the kids away that's contenpt of court at best, it might be considered kidnapping. Do you have an attorney? If not, you need one because you seem to be getting bad advice or information.

Jrs Battle · Aug 3, 2007, 11:22 AM

Yes I have an attorney. And I think he is doing his best for me. He got me visitation and phone contact with my kids. And he tells me that joint custody might be the way for me to go.That way I stay involved in my children's life. But I want shared joint custody. And child services said that she did nothing wrong. That's her way for bettering her self.

macksmom · Aug 3, 2007, 11:28 AM

Definitely get an attorney... most courts want to see shared parenting and joint custody (as they told me that when I was in court regarding my daughter). I would see if maybe you could get residential custody of the children since they are living in a shelter and obvioulsy that is not suitable for children. Typical visitation is every other weekend and one day every week. But nothing is set in stone. I have seen where visitation is one week with the mom and one week with the day. There are many variations, and if you think their mother would work with you in mediation, you guys could work out any agreement for visitation and present it to the judge. As 'nowwhat' said, each state has different calculations for child support... simply a piece of paper, that is graphed... they take her income and yours... and then determine support.

Good luck!

ScottGem · Aug 3, 2007, 11:47 AM

Originally Posted by Jrs Battle

And child services said that she did nothing wrong. Thats her way for bettering her self.

Did nothing wrong? She took the kids away from the parent with legal custody into a shelter? That's not wrong? Either you aren't giving us the whole story or something smells.

If your attorney was good, he should be able to get you physical custody at least until the mother can provide a stable home environment for them.

Jrs Battle · Aug 3, 2007, 12:04 PM

No one has full custody. And that's wy we are in court now. And my temp order was only until the first court date. And its hard because I petitioned for custody first then she countered me with the same and an order of protection to stay away from her and the kids. In court the judge granted her nothing. MY lawyer said that's the norm for parents fighting for custody.

ScottGem · Aug 3, 2007, 12:23 PM

I don't think you are getting my point here. Someone HAS to have responsibility for the kids. If custody is shared, then its shared on a schedule ordered by the court. The court's primary concern is what is best for the kids. And I can't conceive that a court would think living in a shelter would be better than living with their father unless there is an abuse issue.

If you were supposed to be taking care of the kids, temporarily or not, and she took them from you, especially to go into a shelter, that's contempt of court. Just the idea of removing them from a home environment to a shelter is irresponsible and not in the best interests of the child. I think any family court judge would order the kids be placed, at least temporarily, into a home environment. The mother could then clean up her act, show she can care for the kids and petition to regain custody at some level. But to take the kids from a home eivironment into a shelter is very wrong!

s_cianci · Aug 5, 2007, 06:09 PM

Actually I'd go for full custody. If the best she can do for them is a shelter, after deserting a marriage in which the children were adequately provided for gives your fire a lot of fuel (assuming there was no compelling reason for her to do so, such as abuse.) Hire the best family lawyer in your area. That's something that she obviously can't afford so having a professional in your corner will give you even more leverage.

s_cianci · Aug 5, 2007, 06:11 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

If she is in a shelter and applying for welfare and its not because of anything you did, then you should be able to get physical custody. Its clearly not in the best interests of the children to live in a shelter when there is a home environment for them.

I would definitely get a lawyer. the first step should be contacting children's services and have them take charge of the children and give them to you in temporary custody. Then you can file to make the arrangment permanent.

Had to spread it, but good idea about about contacting children's services.