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br_hjs · Oct 18, 2007, 06:54 PM

Has anyone read this? Does anyone care? That's making me want to do those things more. Your all right I guess. I do love the drama. I don't want to but I do.

Wondergirl · Oct 18, 2007, 07:50 PM

Don't do anything stupid.

Does it matter that I tell you that?

br_hjs · Oct 18, 2007, 08:36 PM

As long as I have him I won't. Because then I would lose him or if I didn't lose him he would start doing that stuff too and I don't want him doing it. And honestly, I don't know if he really cares or not. Its like he does but I'm just worried he doesn't and if he doesn't then why should it matter? But if he does then I don't want to do anything to make him worry about me.

Wondergirl · Oct 18, 2007, 08:46 PM

Now wait a darn minute! Held me understand what you said. Keep it simple, please.

Originally Posted by br_hjs

As long as i have him i won't. Because then i would lose him
if i didnt lose him he would start doing that stuff too
idk if he really cares or not
Its like he does
im just worried he doesnt
if he doesnt then why should it matter?
But if he does then i dont wanna do anything to make him worry about me.

Wondergirl · Oct 18, 2007, 08:50 PM

This?

As long as he loves me, I won't do drugs.
If I do drugs, I would lose him.
If I do drugs and didn't lose him, he would start doing drugs too.
I don't want him to start doing drugs.
I don't care if he cares.
I don't care if he doesn't care.
It seems like he cares, but I'm worried he doesn't care.
If he doesn't care, then why should it matter?
If he does care, I don't want to do anything to make him me.

startover22 · Oct 18, 2007, 08:53 PM

Originally Posted by br_hjs

Has anyone read this? Does anyone care? Thats making me want to do those things more. Your all right i guess. I do love the drama. I don't want to but i do.

Yes... and this is where your strength comes in and you do what is right and not what is wrong... Sweet, you areheading towards a very big train wreck... I have read it all and I care! Strength... whats in you sweet... I have seen it in you bring it back out!

br_hjs · Oct 18, 2007, 08:55 PM

What do you mean?
He would get really mad and want to break up if I did anything like that, so it's that or him. If he did decide to stay and not break up then he would get into all that stuff too. I mean we already agreed on that... if one of us does it, we both do it. Our "rule" is we can only do that stuff together. But we never have.
Anyway, I don't know if he cares. I think he does, but how do I really know? I'm worried that he doesn't. If he does love me, then I don't want to do any of that stuff because I don't want him to worry about me. But I think before I do things and I ask myself... is it worth it? Will anyone care? Is it worth dying for? Is their anything or anyone I should live for, so that I won't do this? And other stuff like that... and all I have is him. So that's why I don't do anything. If I didn't have him I guess I would do it. So, if he doesn't even care about me, I would do it too. Maybe I would just to see if he cares about me when I end up dying from it.

Wondergirl · Oct 18, 2007, 09:11 PM

You could be like Ophelia floating down the river with flowers in her hair.

There's rosemary, that's for remembrance.
Pray you, love remember.
And there is pansies, that's for thoughts.
There's fennel for you, and
columbines. There's rue for you,
and here's some for me. We may call it
herb of grace o' Sundays.
O, you must wear your rue with a
difference! There's a daisy. I
would give you some violets, but they
wither'd all when my father
died. They say he made a good end.
And of all Christian souls, I pray God.
God b' wi', you.

~ Ophelia
Hamlet Prince of Denmark
Act IV Scene V

br_hjs · Oct 18, 2007, 09:16 PM

What?

grammadidi · Oct 18, 2007, 09:30 PM

Okay, I've kept quiet hoping you would ask me to continue helping and quite content to sit back and let you figure out things yourself. You were doing well, but then started your attention seeking behaviour again. Too bad, because you were actually doing some great self-talk.

You ask, "Is there anything or anyone I should live for, so that I won't do this?"

The answer is: YES!! It is NOT him... but, do you know who that is?? It is you. Let me tell you, I am very angry with you right now. You can NEVER live for someone else or someone else's feelings. You do not do what will make someone else happy... you do what will make YOU happy!

So, will drugs make you happy? No! Drugs are usually taken to hide pain. Only, it doesn't happen that way. Instead the pain increases, builds, becomes all consuming. The very thing that you take drugs for (and that includes any addictive type of behaviour - gambling, sex, alcohol, over-spending & of course drugs) builds as you engage in the addictive behaviour. So, you take/do more, the pain builds more... you increase the addiction, the pain increases... and gradually you just plain die.

I watched my husband die... and fight to live. I had my 32 year old cousin jump off a bridge to relieve his pain. I once counselled a young man who jumped off a bridge in the hopes of killing himself over a girl. He learned several things. He learned he did NOT want to die. (Oooops! Too late, he had already jumped off!) He learned that sometimes you don't die... you might screw up your body or your brain instead and have to live with that the rest of your life. He learned that she didn't care. He learned that attempting suicide did not make her care.

I worked in addiction counselling for many years. I have seen what drugs do to your body before you die. I have seen a 19 year old girl claw herself to death because she locked herself in her apartment in an effort to kick the habit for her new baby. The baby died of starvation. I have looked death in the eye and cried for it. In then end it doesn't matter. All that matters is what YOU do in your life to make yourself and others who will appreciate it feel good.

You do NOT sleep with someone to make them happy. You do not cut yourself because your boyfriend and you have a pact. You do not take drugs to find out if anyone cares. You respect yourself enough to chose a man who respects you enough to NOT sleep with you. You do not make pacts with someone about cutting, suicide, drugs, or anything else like that because in doing so you DEGRADE the love. You do not take drugs or kill yourself to see if someone cares. If they don't, they won't care after your dead, and if they do, you will never know.

I ask you, "Michelle"... one more time... when do you start caring for yourself? When do you start taking responsibility for your own life and seek out people who truly DO care and who respect you so much all they will do is encourage goodness and personal growth from you?

I am one of those people but I get a "yawn" when I try to talk to you from the heart. There have been many people here on many threads that try to help you, are honest and caring. You continue to choose to concentrate on the negative and stressful things. I thought you wanted to grow?

It really does not matter if he likes you or not. It really doesn't matter if he loves you. All that matters is that YOU like you. Do you? If you don't, you will NEVER find love.

Hugs, Didi

grammadidi · Oct 18, 2007, 09:44 PM

Originally Posted by Clough

Thank you for sharing! I agree. I could not live without an animal of some kind as a pet either! Hugs, Craig

You're welcome, Craig. Just as an aside to my rather lengthy post (which ones aren't?? )... I... ummmmm... well... I just learned, after 8 years, that Franklin... well... Franklin had to renamed to Francis. Sigh... (s)he presented me with 20 eggs the other morning! I did have some the last 2 years, but assumed they were from the injured/rescued Midland Painted turtle that was sharing his/her tank. Apparently not! :)

The eggs were not fertilized, so they were just disposed of, but I have learned a very valuable lesson. When Franklin was about 3 years old I thought that he was performing a mating ritual with the ceramic turtle in the bottom of the aquarium in order to convince it/her? To allow him to court it. Apparently, Franklin/Francis was actually flirting with what she believed was a male turtle to convince him? To court her. I took movies of it, had a few chuckles and forgot it. Now I am red-faced, but more knowledgeable.

;)

Just thought you would enjoy my little 'mistake'.

Hugs, Didi

startover22 · Oct 18, 2007, 09:45 PM

Didi... you hit it on the button! Love yourself! First... Love yourself!

br_hjs · Oct 18, 2007, 09:50 PM

Originally Posted by grammadidi

Okay, I've kept quiet hoping you would ask me to continue helping and quite content to sit back and let you figure out things yourself. You were doing well, but then started your attention seeking behaviour again. Too bad, because you were actually doing some great self-talk.

You ask, "Is there anything or anyone I should live for, so that I won't do this?"

The answer is: YES!!!!!! It is NOT him... but, do you know who that is??? It is you. Let me tell you, I am very angry with you right now. You can NEVER live for someone else or someone else's feelings. You do not do what will make someone else happy... you do what will make YOU happy!

So, will drugs make you happy? No! Drugs are usually taken to hide pain. Only, it doesn't happen that way. Instead the pain increases, builds, becomes all consuming. The very thing that you take drugs for (and that includes any addictive type of behaviour - gambling, sex, alcohol, over-spending & of course drugs) builds as you engage in the addictive behaviour. So, you take/do more, the pain builds more... you increase the addiction, the pain increases... and gradually you just plain die.

I watched my husband die... and fight to live. I had my 32 year old cousin jump off a bridge to relieve his pain. I once counselled a young man who jumped off a bridge in the hopes of killing himself over a girl. He learned several things. He learned he did NOT want to die. (Oooops! Too late, he had already jumped off!) He learned that sometimes you don't die... you might screw up your body or your brain instead and have to live with that the rest of your life. He learned that she didn't care. He learned that attempting suicide did not make her care.

I worked in addiction counselling for many years. I have seen what drugs do to your body before you die. I have seen a 19 year old girl claw herself to death because she locked herself in her apartment in an effort to kick the habit for her new baby. The baby died of starvation. I have looked death in the eye and cried for it. In then end it doesn't matter. All that matters is what YOU do in your life to make yourself and others who will appreciate it feel good.

You do NOT sleep with someone to make them happy. You do not cut yourself because your boyfriend and you have a pact. You do not take drugs to find out if anyone cares. You respect yourself enough to chose a man who respects you enough to NOT sleep with you. You do not make pacts with someone about cutting, suicide, drugs, or anything else like that because in doing so you DEGRADE the love. You do not take drugs or kill yourself to see if someone cares. If they don't, they won't care after your dead, and if they do, you will never know.

I ask you, "Michelle"... one more time... when do you start caring for yourself? When do you start taking responsibility for your own life and seek out people who truly DO care and who respect you so much all they will do is encourage goodness and personal growth from you?

I am one of those people but I get a "yawn" when I try to talk to you from the heart. There have been many people here on many threads that try to help you, are honest and caring. You continue to choose to concentrate on the negative and stressful things. I thought you wanted to grow?

It really does not matter if he likes you or not. It really doesn't matter if he loves you. All that matters is that YOU like you. Do you? If you don't, you will NEVER find love.

Hugs, Didi

Why would I live for me? I don't see the point in living just to die anyway. But right now I'm hoping I don't die for several reasons. 1 of them is because I want to live just to see what happens in my life but I want it to be like I'm dead and looking at what would have happened if I would have lived. If that makes sense. (almost said since) Another thing is that I love him so much that he makes me want to live and also, I went like 24 hours without eating or drinking anything and I'm like really de hydrated. I want to sleep but I cant.

startover22 · Oct 18, 2007, 09:53 PM

Eat and drink and then sleep sweet... keep yourself healthy... Love yourself... and your own body! Think about you...

br_hjs · Oct 18, 2007, 09:58 PM

I can't sleep. I have a bad headache, I can't breathe, and its like 80 degrees in here. They told us that 90% of headaches are dehydration. My face is like really pale or something.

And another thing... if I do what makes me happy, and what I want and not others... that's not a good thing

Wondergirl · Oct 18, 2007, 10:01 PM

If you don't take care of you with eating and drinking properly, with getting enough sleep, with studying in school so you grow up to become a productive person who has a job she likes, then you don't love you.

Wondergirl · Oct 18, 2007, 10:05 PM

Originally Posted by br_hjs

i can't sleep. I have a bad headache, i can't breathe, and its like 80 degrees in here. they told us that 90% of headaches are dehydration. My face is like really pale or something.

and another thing... if i do what makes me happy, and what i want and not others... thats not a good thing

Why can't you sleep?
Why do you have a headache?
Why can't you breathe?
Why is it so hot in there? Open a window and let the breezes in.
Drink water.

Yes, you must first do what makes you happy and are good for your soul. What would make you happy?

Clough · Oct 18, 2007, 10:07 PM

Originally Posted by grammadidi

You're welcome, Craig. Just as an aside to my rather lengthy post (which ones aren't???)... I... ummmmm... well..... I just learned, after 8 years, that Franklin... well... Franklin had to renamed to Francis. Sigh... (s)he presented me with 20 eggs the other morning! I did have some the last 2 years, but assumed they were from the injured/rescued Midland Painted turtle that was sharing his/her tank. Apparently not! :)

The eggs were not fertilized, so they were just disposed of, but I have learned a very valuable lesson. When Franklin was about 3 years old I thought that he was performing a mating ritual with the ceramic turtle in the bottom of the aquarium in order to convince it/her? to allow him to court it. Apparently, Franklin/Francis was actually flirting with what she believed was a male turtle to convince him? to court her. I took movies of it, had a few chuckles and forgot it. Now I am red-faced, but more knowledgeable.

;)

Just thought you would enjoy my little 'mistake'.

Hugs, Didi

Thank you for sharing the above, Didi! Also, for sharing about how sex changes are possible in animals too! :D

I just don't know how you manage to take care of everything with all of the animals that you have to care for, yourself, and everything else you have to do!

br_hjs · Oct 18, 2007, 10:32 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

If you don't take care of you with eating and drinking properly, with getting enough sleep, with studying in school so you grow up to become a productive person who has a job she likes, then you don't love you.

Everyday I go to sleep for a few hours, wake up late for school, don't have time for breakfast or like breakfast food and it will make me want to throw up in my 1st hour if I eat anything because I'm just like that... I won't eat when people are around so I don't go to lunch. And usually I sleep a few hours after school. But before I get those few hours of sleep I usually eat and drink something. But today I went straight to sleep and slept until after 8 pm. And I only woke up then because my mom came in my room to check on me

br_hjs · Oct 18, 2007, 10:37 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Why can't you sleep?
Why do you have a headache?
Why can't you breathe?
Why is it so hot in there? Open a window and let the breezes in.
Drink water.

Yes, you must first do what makes you happy and are good for your soul. What would make you happy?

I have a fan on and my windows happen. I mean open. I have been drinking plenty of water. So much I'm about to throw up. And I can't sleep because I feel like I'm sufficating. This happens a lot though. Usually about this time of the year.
What would make me happy would be to know weather he cares or not and not wonder about it, and to be able to see him more, my dad to give me my money back, and to get my license and go get an iPod soon because every time I went they were always sold out and with christmas in a few months it will be worse. But I'm, tired of my life just being music. In my room all day listening to music. I don't want anything to do with it. I'm sick of it. But I can't help it. I don't have much.