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madaman · Oct 10, 2007, 02:30 PM

I found for myself, that the thoughts of my ex with her new guy really really really hurt for the first month. But once I TRULY decided to heal, it started getting better. The only real approach to it is realizing that from the EXACT moment they decided to leave, what they do or who they do it with doesn't matter. Its not an easy thought to process at first, but with time and practice it gets easier.

I had the same thoughts (and she left me for him within an hour) about her with him, her laughing with him, going out, having sex, etc. I couldn't think of a worse pain if I tried. The only way I could be OK (and I use the term OK loosely) was to accept that she's gone and that it doesn't matter what she's doing. I erased her MSN, her Facebook, her pictures, her phone #. Out of sight out of mind. It didn't work at first but every day was a little bit easier.

needofhelp · Oct 10, 2007, 03:11 PM

The out of site out of mind is difficult because I have class with her. I agree with you, there's not worse pain than seeing the one you love, the one you planned your future with, in someone else's company. It hurts because my dreams and plans are shattered.

madaman · Oct 10, 2007, 03:31 PM

The cool thing is, here is your opportunity to make new plans, new dreams for yourself. Ones that only YOU can be responsible for, and you make happen.

needofhelp · Oct 10, 2007, 04:54 PM

Thanks for the motivation. I don't actually see it as cool though. I know what you are getting at. The pain and hurt is blind siding everything. I wish there was something to do to make it go away.

talaniman · Oct 10, 2007, 04:57 PM

Originally Posted by needofhelp

Thanks for the motivation. I don't actually see it as cool though. I know what you are getting at. The pain and hurt is blind siding everything. I wish there was something to do to make it go away.

No contact and hard work does it for most here, and if you must see them, then be brief, busy and unavailable.

Fixer12 · Oct 11, 2007, 12:34 PM

All right. So I have been doing a pretty good job with the "no contact" part of the deal... until yesterday... so yesterday while walking to class I get a text from my ex saying "i just saw a picture of us together that we had taken before you left, i miss you so much." So I wrote back telling her, "its ok it happens i run accross those types of things all the time." We text or a few more minutes but it ended up with her saying, "i miss you so much and in ways i want us back together because we were so happy together. I still love you." I had told her, "look you have a boyfriend, but i promise you i'll always be here for you as your friend, in my heart i will always love you only because you left yoru mark in my life."
Then basically after that it was the end of the conversation. So basically what I don't understand is that we have been broken up for almost 2 months... She already has another boyfriend, and hooked up with a few guys in between their relationship.
After a few hours I texted her asking her "so are you feeling better now?" She said, "yea because i realize no matter what we will always be friends." I had told her, "well yea maybe depends on the choices you make."
I'm usually pretty good about keeping the silence... but every week or so she will text me about these kinds of things... and that's as far as they go. Yea I miss her and think about her still, but I don't want to get back together with her at all.
Why is she out there saying these kinds of things to me? She has had another boyfriend for over a month. I am so ready to move on... I just wish my mind would go with my body.

smoothy · Oct 11, 2007, 12:42 PM

Don't respond to the text, some women like to rub things in... or expect guys (and yes I mean that in the Plural) to be hanging on while they want to make no commitments.

Play into her old tricks then don't be surprised if you go through this all over again. Sometimes you just have to cut off all contact to avoid this. And yes, I rode the bus for an entire year in college with a girl I broke up with over something she did when we had plans for something. (she disappeared to see an old boyfriend for about 3 days when we had concert tickets) and I didn't speak to her in that whole time. Oh she tried, but I wouldn't answer back. She hurt me pretty good and I wouldn't let her get to me a second time.

needofhelp · Oct 11, 2007, 12:50 PM

Originally Posted by smoothy

Don't respond to the text, some women like to rub things in...or expect guys (and yes I mean that in the Plural) to be hanging on while they want to make no commitments.

Play into her old tricks then don't be surprised if you go through this all over again.

This is a good point. Don't get yourself thinking about what she is saying or texting you. In another post, someone wrote that people want their cake and eat it too. She's with someone else, while she has these feelings for you? Do you want to be with someone who can be with another person, while having feelings for you? That isn't right. You said you are ready to move on, and that is a great achievement, don't back peddle. Or you will be back to where I am.

Fixer12 · Oct 11, 2007, 01:19 PM

I have been trying so hard to move on.. when it first happened I thought that when I got to where I am now... I would feel completley better... but I don't. I have been staying busy... probably to busy... when I come down from it all... it just sucks. In my mind I am completely mad at her and hate her for everything she is doing... but then ill remember the memories, or she will talk to me and in my heart... I can't hate people its just not my nature.
I think that yea... she is waiting for next time I come home to try and get back together with me or something... because why else would she try to stay so attached to me when I'm just trying to let it all completely go... yea I love her.. I always will... I'm just sick of being down all the time... I'm waiting for that GREAT day but.. I'm so sick of waiting

madaman · Oct 11, 2007, 02:45 PM

She is merely stringing you along in case things go wrong. She enjoys knowing the comfort of having you to fall back on. Don't be that doormat! If she really loved you she would be with you right now.

Fixer12 · Oct 11, 2007, 09:31 PM

Yea. I am just getting so sick of everything. I don't see how being in a completely other town still has reprocusions like this

needofhelp · Oct 11, 2007, 09:56 PM

No one wants to be in this situation. It hurts and its going to hurt for while. How long will it hurt depends on how you cope with it. There are going to be good days, and some bad days. Eventually, the bad days will get less and less. Know that you are not going to be in this state forever, feelings and emotions will change. I have my good and bad times, and its hard. No one is saying it's easy. Hang in there.

smoothy · Oct 12, 2007, 04:48 AM

Originally Posted by Fixer12

i have been trying so hard to move on.. when it first happened i thought that when i got to where i am now... i would feel completley better... but i dont. I have been staying busy... probably to busy... when i come down from it all... it just sucks. In my mind i am completely mad at her and hate her for everything she is doing... but then ill remember the memories, or she will talk to me and in my heart... i can't hate people its just not my nature.
I think that yea... she is waiting for next time i come home to try and get bakc together with me or something... because why else would she try to stay so attached to me when im just trying to let it all completely go... yea i love her.. i always will... im just sick of being down all the time... im waiting for that GREAT day but.. im so sick of waiting

As long as you talk with her and respond to her you aren't even taking the first step of moving on.

talaniman · Oct 12, 2007, 06:54 AM

I'm waiting for that GREAT day but.. I'm so sick of waiting

Then stop waiting, and stop talking to her. Your stuck, so get out and do what you enjoy, and stop being available for her confusion. YOUR CHOICE!

lmnotok · Oct 12, 2007, 07:14 AM

I think the key solution here is to concentrate on your present.

needofhelp · Oct 12, 2007, 09:17 AM

A great day will not come if you are not making it a great day. You maybe feeling down in the dumps, but you are in control of how you make your day great and move on. I'm not going to kid you and say it's easy. It's going to take small steps and the strength to get yourself moving on. You can not wait for anyone. You will only regret waiting later if she doesn't come back. You may come to terms and say that she may not be the one for you. Focus on yourself and make the best out of it. Don't expect her to come back, if she does don't jump right back into it. Have a talk and think what's best for you. Good luck and hang in there man. You are not alone, this happens to the best.

Fixer12 · Oct 12, 2007, 10:02 AM

Yea, that's a very good way to see it. I remember before I was in a relationship I used to always tell people, "its all up to you, its just your outlook on life." I have no idea why I had forgotten that until now.
All of you are 100% right. SO what if she goes out and possibly hooks up with one of myfriends? I don't care. Yea, at least I can say I am a better person then she is.
Going through these lessons makes us who we are. Better people, smarter people. I mean she isn't even in the same town as me... so who cares?
Things will get better, its all up to me to make it better. I realize there isn't anything holding me back except my own thoughts of being scared about what might happen next. Thanks!

needofhelp · Oct 12, 2007, 10:13 AM

Originally Posted by Fixer12

yea, thats a very good way to see it. i remember before i was in a relationship i used to always tell people, "its all up to you, its just your outlook on life." I have no idea why i had forgotten that until now.
All of you are 100% right. SO what if she goes out and possibly hooks up with one of myfriends?! I don't care. Yea, at least i can say i am a better person then she is.
Going through these lessons makes us who we are. Better people, smarter people. I mean she isn't even in the same town as me... so who cares?
Things will get better, its all up to me to make it better. I realize there isn't anything holding me back except my own thoughts of being scared about what might happen next. Thanks!

That's the key step my friend. There might be times that you will think of her and that's normal. You got to keep at it and remember who you are. The hurt that you have right now shows how strong a person you are, a person that has a lot of love to give and able to care about others. This is normal, you will only get better. Brighter days are ahead.

"For every dark night, there's a brighter day"

Fixer12 · Oct 12, 2007, 01:42 PM

I know they will. I am so ready for them to come! Everyday I feel a little bit different, its just hard the days where stuff comes up. But your right, brighter days are ahead. I am so looking forward when I can feel like my old self again... its just been such a long time since I have been single... have to get used to it all over.

needofhelp · Oct 12, 2007, 04:50 PM

You are not going to get used to it because it's not going to be the same as before, when you were single. You are a new person, stronger and more knowledgeable person now. The core person of who you are will be there, don't forget who you are. Make the best of your days and we will all look back at this and laugh one day. That day will come, how soon it comes depends on you. Keep it going brother.