[shatteredsoul]

Sometimes my mind cannot comprehend how my daughter is growing up so fast. I suddenly realize that I am not capable of protecting her every move. Middle school is so different and I am struggling with the changes that have come along with it. SHe is bright, she is social, she is beautiful and an amazing person, but I think maybe that bothers some people. Boys give her a hard time, and certain girls whisper and laugh. Her old friends ignore her and leave her out. She is so strong and doesn't seem to get too upset about it. When I ask what can I do, she says nothing mom, it's fine. No, it certainly doesn't feel fine to me.
YEs the concerns are mild and I know I am overly sensitive to these issues because she is my child, but more because I can't fix it. I can't go to school and talk to her friends and work it all out. In elementary school, I knew everyone and they knew me. When she would have problems with her friends, I would help them talk and work it out. I know I have to surrender control and she is becoming more independent and mature. Does that mean I don't get to feel sad and worried too?
TO top it all off, I have to put our dog Chu to sleep today. He is 14 and he has been with us his whole life, and the entire lives of my children. We have two other dogs and she will survive. I just never thought I would have to do this and I know she is affected by it greatly. I never want to be a source of pain or discomfort and yet I am putting her dog down, which is so saddening for us all.
The responsibilities of parenthood are something I took on with vigor and confidence. I think when they are small, it is easy to be confident and sure of yourself with the decisions you make. Yes you question the small things, but the bigger problems, don't come in until later. My child is such a blessing, such a good kid and yet she is struggling in her own way. Maybe it is necessary and yes we all went through these things, it's just really hard for me. First the bra, then the braces, then middle school and gosh whatever else is coming up, I am sure will make this look like a piece of cake.
So why do I feel like my heart is breaking and the tears keep rolling down my cheeks. Am I just a wimpy parent?

[ScottGem]

I certainly feel for you. I remember going to a chorus performance when my daughter was in middle school and going to pick her up in the cafeteria afterwards. I looked in the room and saw almost all the kids chattering away in groups then spotted my daughter (also a bright beautiful outgoing child), sitting alone. It was all I could do to keep a smiling face for her.

The only suggestion I can make is to talk with her teachers, see if they can spot something that may be causing her to be alienated.

[supermommy25]

I would say just be there for her when she needs you to be, just watch her... just be aware that bringing too much attention to it in her school and to her teachers and friends or old friends will embarrass your daughter I have been there before... your daughter may tell you that everything is okay because she knows you are overly sensitive and she does not want you to worry ( or go to her school)... you should encourage your daughter to get involved in after school programs or sports... because then she will meet new people... And there is nothing wrong with being a wimpy parent because I have two little ones and sometimes I feel like I am a wimpy parent as well but I don't let them see it, and you can't let your daughter see it, she is learning from you... remember...

[shatteredsoul]

Hey supermom, thanks for your response.. you too Scott. I know you guys both have very good points. Sometimes the rational side of thinking goes right out the window when your heart is hurting. I know my daughter will survive, she is strong and she is a leader. She will find a way to navigate herself through these very turbulent years. She is trying out for the middle school soccer team right now and she is very active in dance as well.
Yes, it is important for me to stay strong, and she is learning everyday from my behavior.
We want to move to a different state but it has been difficult to sell in this market. I think maybe that would makes things better.
I sound like a whiny and insecure parent on here, but on the outside I always seem to know what I am doing, even if I really don't have a clue. I don't want her to ever worry about me.
Putting our dog down was difficult on all of us. I had to do it and I am still reeling with guilt in some ways. Even though I know it was time. My daughter was crushed, but my son is a little too young to really understand. She went to sleep crying last night saying she missed our dog Chu. WE also had to say goodbye to a family we are very close to. 7 children, 6 boys and 1 new baby girl. WE are like family. My son plays with those boys on his football and basketball team, their dad is the coach. They play at the field together almost every night and we are going to miss them terribly. Both of my children had a tough time saying goodbye last night, they left this morning for Texas.
So many changes in life, and learning to constantly adjust to it. IT is a difficult process for me, and I am learning as I go. Making sure my children adapt is also so important. It is hard to let people go and for things to change, but that is life right?
Well thanks for your thoughts, and your support...

[METERRE]

I just wanted to add that, as I remember back... not sure if it really was in middle school or not... but there came a point in which I didn't let my mom or other adults or sister know what was happening in school much with me. I was always alienated anyway, and had lack of friends, but later I felt like I wanted more privacy. I wanted to be able to deal with issues by my own. It's not only embarrassing if you ever have a parent that wants to fix your life at school, but it takes away your confidence that you can do it. Plus school is like a second home, just a place where you mark independency more. It's a place where you learn survival skill of your own. Like let's say, at home she learns from you, but at school she learns from herself and other role models(the teachers) and even from her classmates and stuff. I know that sometimes they can learn negative things from certain classmates but that's why you're there to be her primary role model in life.
However I do believe you have to be involved in her life and everything but as they get older, there's boundaries the parent shouldn't cross anymore.
Yeah chances are she's worried too about how you would take things, but I think by letting her start making even more of her own choices, and dealing with certain things on her own, you're doing something good for her.
I don't have any children, if I just got through being a child not too long ago, so I don't know how much of this if any, will be at all insightfull or helpful. But I do want to tell you Shattered, that putting myself in your shoes I think I'd feel the same way, so I feel for you too. I know it's probably hard but just stay positive and think that she will be strong enough to get through all that... but with your support. Just try not to be nosy when it calls for it. But do be nosy when you really need to. (not saying you are, but if you ever think about being nosy)