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Roughrider · Oct 2, 2007, 11:12 PM

I have to say first that I am not currently married but, you could say that I am. I have been with my Girlfriend now for a long time and we are atuck so to say. I am in the military and we travel a lot and so is she. In the summer of 06' I was in Guam and when I got back someone started a F****D up rumor that I slept with someone when I was there. Which is not possible because I love her with all my heart and I would never do something like that and hurt her. We had a huge argument a few weeks ago and I have been trying to find out why she is so reserved now from me. She talked to one of my friends wife and then his wife told him and he told me that she is just tired of trying so hard and not feeling like she is getting anything back from me. She also said there is omething different about me know than before and she likes it and she still loves me and is in love with me. I know men are not perfect and sometimes we need a little guidance on what to do that makes women happier than just being content. I asked her to try and give me some pointers because the longest relationship I was in before her was 8 months which is not long compared to the over three years it has been now. She told me she needed a little time alone because she does not believe that me being nice to her now is me she just thinks it is a ploy to keep her. All this took pplace for the most part a month ago. Now After a month she says she still feels cluttered by me and all we do is see each other for 10 minutes in the morning and about 10 minutes at night sometimes or watch a movie or T.V. show sometimes. I am just confused as to what she is thinking and what is going through her head. I know she just wants to figure things out. We would have gotten married by now if I was not so chicken. She is the love of my life and I am just confused as to what I am suppose to do in this situation. I am 23 and she is 24 and we are both transferring to a different work area(but the same place) a couple months apart.
Any Adivce.

donf · Oct 3, 2007, 02:05 PM

As a guy, married for 42 years, I suggest that you find an hour or two and plan on the two of you sitting down for a heart to heart conversation.

First you need to understand that you are in no way "Married". What you and your lady need to discuss is why you are not married and what is keeping you two from marrying. You might also consider telling the young lady that your commitment to her is absolute and that you would never do anything with anyone to jeopardise her trust in you.

Roughrider · Oct 3, 2007, 02:52 PM

We have sat down and talked finally after three years I got her to sit down and talk to me. She said she still loves me and is in love with me but, she is not sure if this is me being nice to her or just a face that I am keeping on until or if she comes back to me. So I guess the thing I have to do is just be there for her and show her I love her but, not make it a point to go see her because if she needs time then when she is ready she will come find me? Right.

donf · Oct 3, 2007, 03:01 PM

Roughrider,

When you start a conversation with your lady that begins with I need you to trust me. I want to discuss with you why we aren't married and how can we work towards marriage.

The lady will listen

Roughrider · Oct 3, 2007, 05:31 PM

Hmmm I see Thank you for the information much appreciated any other info would be great also.

Roughrider · Oct 8, 2007, 02:48 PM

We talked this weekend about a few things and she told me the biggest thing is that when I touch her she does nopt feel anything for me there is just no emotion. I am wondering if us spending some time apart would be a bad thing or not? I am just wondering what I should do because I asked her and she said nothing which is OK with me but, not really. I just need some help.