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Airmen4Lyfe · Oct 2, 2007, 09:48 AM

I have been dating this girl for just about six months. At the time when we first got together she was living with her grandma. Her grandma decided to leave so she stayed with me until she moved into her place. She ended up moving right down the street from me and I kind of ended up moving in with her. Everything went well for a period of about three or four months. After that I got charged with a DUI. If it wasn't for her help I never would have got out of jail. She called the bondsman and my mother to bail me out. When I got out I paid my mom back and decided to quit drinking. Everything was still going good, then two weeks later she wrote me a letter saying she needed some space. I left for a couple days and let her be. The next weekend I bought her a birthday present for her 21st, which was the week after I got out of jail, and planned on cooking us dinner. She never came home or told me anything was wrong for 2 days. When I talked to her I was upset but still calm and a gentleman. I cut her grass while she was MIA and fixed some other things. I wasn't mad because I do care for her. We talked and she said she needs some time to herself. She had been in a relationship before I met her for the past two years. This is the first time she has been on her own and I think the stress of paying bills is getting to her. When we talked we agreed to just give each other some space and still be friends. We both say we still love and have feelings for each other. I just don't know what to do. I did leave the present I got her and furniture. I have a lot going on right now with the whole DUI thing that also may result in me getting separated from the Navy. I think it is best to take some time so she can experience life on her own and I can find out what I am going to do If I am separated. I still want to get back together with her when the times right but I don't know how long it will take or if I should even wait. When I think about it this is a hard time in my life and she is wanting to take a break during it. I am just looking for some good advice.

smoothy · Oct 2, 2007, 11:24 AM

Some nice guys get screwed because they refuse to see things the way they are, rather than what they want them to be. There is such a thing as being TOO understanding, or TOO optimistic.

Personally I've dated women like this... my advice is to use this as an excuse to walk away and be a wake up call, and use what you learned to find a woman without this sort of drama. They exist in large numbers.

Jiser · Oct 2, 2007, 11:31 AM

Can't really tell if you're a nice guy or not... But more than often nice guys put more into the relationship than their partner. You should have a happy life away from your partner. They should mereley expand what you have not make it. Give her space and walk away.

hexnoe · Oct 2, 2007, 12:33 PM

Just wait

statictable · Oct 2, 2007, 03:35 PM

Your question was very clearly put together. You sound bright and level headed and am sorry about the DUI. What to do?? Be smart and focus all your energy on your naval career. Use every resource you have. Beg, borrow and beg some more. You have your entire life ahead of you so stabilize yourself now. Nothing worse than seeing 2 people deep in their own dramas trying to put the fix on the other, sort of like a non swimmer jumping in the river to help someone who's drowning.

Homegirl 50 · Oct 2, 2007, 03:50 PM

I'm not getting how your question correlates with the title Why do nice guys get screwed?
I'm sure you are a nice guy, but I see you as a guy that was living with a girl he does not know that well, had not known that long, and she you. That is not what I'd call nice, but "not thinking"
Maybe your DUI told her that being with you was more drama than she wants in a relationship and she bailed. While her method was probably not the best, she certainly has every right to decide she does not want to live with someone she hardly knows or someone who drinks and drives.

chuff · Oct 2, 2007, 06:15 PM

I think she is not as stable as you are. Where you want a one on one relationship I get the impression she wants to "play the field." While I don't doubt she wa s nice girl, I don't think you nessessarily did anything wrong, nor from what you write here do you come off as being too nice. I just get the impression you two came together for a short period and now your journey's are going in different directions.