[LBP]

I've noticed this as a recurring theme... Guy goes out with girl... Guy and girl have great time together... Guy and girl spend lots of time together (who decides this, doesn't matter)... Girl dumps guy, guy becomes unhappy, girl refuses to forgive guy for not enjoying the fact of being dumped... Guy becomes slime to girl, toxic character

Yet there's another pattern that also recurs... guy and girl go out... guy only sees girl on his time... girl tries hard to see guy, guy does what he wants to do... guy shows no interest in girl's life, often cheats on her... girl forgives guy... guy continues to do as he wishes, girl dumps guy... guy comes back and is forgiven... cycle continues ad nauseum, usually for a few years until girl finally has enough. There's also the 'married man' cycle which we all know and love...

So I know I have theories, which I'll discuss at a later date, but I was wondering what you all think. This APPEARS to be the trend. Any other points of view and opinions are encouraged, though please do not be offended if I ask questions in response! Honest discussion, in my opinion, is a good thing.

[ForeverZero]

It's all relative to the girl, but for the most part, I find women tend to respond to abuse. For the most part, they say it's people in general, but I find it's stronger amongst women that they want what they can't have. For the most part, they only want it because they can't have it, there's not much substance to the guys that behave like your second scenario.

As far as why women resent men that don't handle breakups well, it's a little difficult to understand, but after watching my ex do it, I think I have a loose grasp on the situation. When we break up with somebody, ultimately we're making a decision for two people by ourselves. On the receiving end of it, I felt like I wasn't included on the process, and after talking to her about it afterwards, she felt like she was entitled to just make the decision, which then put her in a state of only self concern, because after all, she wasn't in the relationship anymore and didn't feel like she should have to look after me. The reason they resent talking to us afterwards is because for the most part, what I was saying was true, but she, like most women, aren't listening when they're being told something, yet when they "figure it out for themselveS" all the sudden it might as well have come from god himself.

So the resent comes from their feeling that you're not letting them make their own decisions, and trying to talk them into doing something they don't want to do. Ultimately no contact works best to bring them back because they're "figuring things out for themselves", and will reach the right answer eventually. Worked like a charm on mine, and the reason it sucked to talk to her in between was because listening to the problem solving process they go through is almost always extreme to the point of being emotionally damaging. Instead of the classic 2 steps forward 1 step back, it's more of a 10 steps forward then 9 back. So the forward progress is so hope inspiring, but the negative progress is detrimental to your esteem.

[callisto9]

hmmm. I think you might be stereotyping here. That being said, these women who take (back) men who treat them like crap are often dealing with a self-esteem issue. Many women will accept someone sub-standard or someone who is wrong for them because either 1) they like the drama, 2) can't stand the idea of being alone or 3) think they can change the man.

I've noticed this as a recurring theme... Guy goes out with girl... Guy and girl have great time together... Guy and girl spend lots of time together (who decides this, doesn't matter)... Girl dumps guy, guy becomes unhappy, girl refuses to forgive guy for not enjoying the fact of being dumped.... Guy becomes slime to girl, toxic character.

^ now this is weird to me. I can't say I've seen this happen.

many relationship problems stem from lack of communication, low self-esteem and lack of confidence. I really think nice guys have many chances. But if you're one of these so-called "nice guys", why would you want to be with a woman who only wants drama and abuse? There are many women out there who appreciate the nice guy. Keep looking. :D

[manimuth]

I agree with callisto here. What you are describing is a stereotype (although stereotypes have some truth).

Women who don't seem to like "nice guys" often have the issues callisto describes.
I also think that the kind of women (or men) you attract or get involved in depends, a lot, on the kind of self-image you, yourself, have. So, as some women tend to "attract" or is attracted to the "bad boys", there are intelligent, mature, and self-assured women who wants a nice guy who cares about them and treat them well.
If you are a "nice" man who seems to end up with the wrong women, think about where you're meeting them. Maybe you're looking in the wrong places and meeting the wrong type of women.

[LBP]

Yes, I am using type... That's why I used the words 'theme' and 'trend' in my statement... You'll also notice my wording otherwise is very general... But honestly, to think that there aren't patterns out there that fit what I've said strikes me as a little silly. When I have the energy, I'll scan the board for hard data to back up my statements.

[Jiser]

'nice guy' too stereotypical. You are who you are. Why change for anyone else? If they don't like it, that's their loss not yours, find someone who is more compatible. - of course easier said than done :)

[Becca1025]

Women want what they can't have. Simple as that. They want that guy they absolutely cannot have. Also we have a thing with wanting to be with those bad boys (the cheaters) and have this fantasy of wanting to change them. Of course that doesn't happen. Now I am not going to sit here and say I've never done any of that, because I would be lying. I have dated boys who actually liked me and treated me like a princess and all I did was kick them to the curb the second I got tired of them, not caring for one minute about how they felt (Iknow I was a b*tch, I'm a girl, what can I say?). I also dated those boys who cheated. I always forgave them because I felt I could change them and make them fall in love with me. Of course that didn't happen either. You're right, it is a theme that happens frequently. When we get older, we stop having fantasys about having someone we can't have, and start wanting that "good guy" we left behind. I know it's horrible, but that's how it goes and we finally learn. That's why there's that saying "Nice guys finish last." Take care! :)

Oh yeah One question for you though... This situation goes both ways with men and women.. Don't try to tell me it doesn't... So what do you have against girls?

[Stunning07]

I agree on your theorie, and I've asked a lot of my girl friends the same question they alll answered me saying " girls like to be treaeted like shiaat" not literally like shiaat, but in a way were they have to compete, play hard to get, same goes for guys

Good guys- I'm thinking your describing clingy guys, I use to be one of those before my first heart break I learned a lot and learened that being clingy is annoying.

So in my opinon I think anyone in a relathion ship should

" love the person but never show how much they do " just my theory because if you show them how much you love them, they sometimes run all over you take you for granted

[talaniman]

Love yourself and know how to make yourself happy, Let someone share it, but don't give it all away.