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s_cianci · Sep 26, 2007, 02:26 PM

Find some one else Even if the person doesn't mean anything but at least you'll have someone there.

Rebound relationships are never a good idea as they rarely work out and are unfair to the poor, hapless other person who has no idea that they're just a rebound.

s_cianci · Sep 26, 2007, 02:28 PM

You're going in the right direction. You need to stay away from her, even though it's hard. If she calls you, don't respond right away, if at all and keep it very short but sweet. You do need to let her miss you and you need to convey the message that, if she wants to spend time with you, she's going to have to make it and fight for it. The more she has to pursue you, the more valuable you'll be to her.

miou30 · Sep 26, 2007, 03:06 PM

You are right as far as rebound relationships are concerned. I made that mistake a couple of times before and I ended up heart every time.

I WANT to stay away from her!! I contacted her 3 days ago just to say that I don't hate her and to tell her to take care and I still have the aftertaste in my mouth. Yeach!! It was so painful.

Thanks for the advice! It seems that this is the only thing I can do at the moment. But to be honest I think I'm one of the unlucky (or lucky) guys whose ex has already moved on and won't ever be coming back.

Its so "unfair" though... you give so much into a relationship and then you find out that its not good enough.

miou30 · Sep 27, 2007, 09:01 AM

I hasn't been east today. I feel like its all my fault that it didn't work out. Feeling guilty and inadequate. Why are relationships so complicated? Why are women so complicated?

bummedout4 · Sep 27, 2007, 02:23 PM

Originally Posted by miou30

I hasn't been east today. I feel like its all my fault that it didnt work out. Feeling guilty and inadequate. Why are relationships so complicated? Why are women so complicated?

I wish I knew that answer because I feel the same way.

talaniman · Sep 27, 2007, 04:56 PM

Believe it or not, feeling the way you do, is part of the process, normal and natural. It will pass. Don't give in to the doubt, work thru it by being busy doing things you like.

bummedout4 · Sep 27, 2007, 05:00 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Believe it or not, feeling the way you do, is part of the process, normal and natural. It will pass. Don't give in to the doubt, work thru it by being busy doing things you like.

Lately I haven't even felt like doing anything, things I usually like doing such as working out or playing some video games. Its like I really don't feel like doing anything anymore. How long before this feeling starts to fade?

miou30 · Sep 27, 2007, 11:26 PM

It seems like I really can't get her off my mind. I keep wondering what she is doing, if she is thinking about me or even if she suffering as much as I do. The feeling of not being accepted by another brings out all your insecurities. It feels like Im fifteen again. No confidence whatsoever!! I try to keep busy but no matter what I do she is still on my mind. So I tell myself keep looking forward! But I keep wondering about the past. I think the realisation that its really over is overwhelming. Someone once told me that the biggest mistake people make is trying to control the relationship. A relationship is the outcome of the mixture two people's feelings and needs. You can control your feelings and needs (sometimes you can't even do that) but you can't control your partner's. People change, feelings change, needs change. I guess Im having difficulty accepting that. Having said that, how much of a control freak does that make me :o)

talaniman · Sep 28, 2007, 04:41 AM

Originally Posted by bummedout4

Lately i havent even felt like doing anything, things i usually like doing such as working out or playing some video games. Its like i really dont feel like doing anything anymore. How long before this feeling starts to fade?

How long you wallow in self pity, and allow yourself to be depressed, is entirely up to you. When you get sick and tired, of being sick and tired, you will get busy and work through it. The key word being work. Read the sticky links in my signature.

talaniman · Sep 28, 2007, 04:47 AM

People change, feelings change, needs change. I guess Im having difficulty accepting that. Having said that, how much of a control freak does that make me :o)

Knowing, is half the battle, to knowing what to change about you.

Jiser · Sep 28, 2007, 07:22 AM

Hey trust me on this. In time it gets easy peasy. Give it some time and keep busy. The more contacting you do the worse it will get. Try and change your life around and learn from your experience. Do things you wouldn't have done, like trying new sports, new social events, travelling, anythning to get you away from your 'routine'.

miou30 · Sep 28, 2007, 11:35 AM

I know that the more contact you have the more it hurts. If you read my previous posts you will see that I have already learned my lesson. I felt we were breaking up all over again. Man that was tough. Never again!! My mistake was that I made her the centre of my world. She was my world. Now I'm trying to slowly rebuild my life and learn my lessons. Some times its prety hard though. The thought that I can get on this site and get moral support gives me the strength to keep on moving forward. Thank you guys!!

miou30 · Sep 29, 2007, 10:47 AM

Hey people. I'm afraid I'm going to need your help again. Im feeling very weak and miss her terribly. I need someone to remind me that its going to be OK and that I don't really need her. Its so lonely after a break up. Im constantly around people and I'm constantly feeling lonely. Its so hard sometimes to accept that the one you love the most doesn't want to be with you. Please I would appreciate some words of encouragement. Im feeling really down today. Its been a month now. Some days Im doing better but today its been I nightmare...

madaman · Sep 29, 2007, 12:53 PM

Im in the same boat as you buddy. Its been a month of NC for me, and its been the hardest month I've been through. Just know that you are healing and one day you will feel great. The one thing that I'm changing and you should maybe look at too, is that 'she' shouldn't have been the one you loved the most it should have been yourself. I think that once you love yourself, its not so bad to be alone for a while. Plus no one can take that away from you.

Congrats on making it a month, treat yourself to something today!

Jiser · Sep 29, 2007, 01:00 PM

You were fine before you met them! Thing is you don't need anyone else to be happy. Life is good if you make it happen. No one else will.

miou30 · Sep 29, 2007, 06:25 PM

Thank you guys!! I went out today and I had a great time. I was still comparing most of the girls in the club to her in my mind but it wasn't so bad. I really can't wait for the day when I am completely over her. I'm tired of hurting. Its exhausting. Good luck to you guys. It seems that you are doing a good job with NC. Hope it works out!!

stonewilder · Sep 29, 2007, 07:01 PM

By Andy Rooney from CBS

"60 Minutes". This is for all you girls 40 years and over... and for those who are turning 40, and for those who are scared of moving into their 50's... AND 60's... and for guys who are scared of girls over 40!! Andy Rooney says: As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why: A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting. A woman over 40 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, What she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 40 give a hoot what you might think about her or what she's doing. Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it. Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. A woman over 40 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Women over 40 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her. Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. They always know. A woman over 40 looks good wearing bright redlipstick. This is not true of younger women. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk or if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her. Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40 , there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress. Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free", here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage.

Maybe you need to find an older woman who knows who she is and what she wants. 40 might be a little old for you though. Oh and I mean no offence with the pig statement. I didn't say that, Andy Rooney did.

talaniman · Sep 29, 2007, 10:21 PM

miou30 agrees: But when your confidence hits rock bottom is difficult to be happy with yourself.

Then regaining your confidence is the thing to do.

Jiser · Sep 30, 2007, 05:57 AM

Personally for me I have to have a mix of fufilling friendships. I have numerous friendship groups. Old friends from old places of work, old friends from my childhood, friends who I do sports with, friends I go partying with. A fufilling job, a good direction of career, learning about the world. Everything helps. Since my breakup I made it my mission to change myself. I did! The person I am now although me has changed. I am more outgoing, I take every oppurtinity, go for things, meet new people and instead of no - I say YES!

Take your breakup as a kick up the to go get life and make it work for you. Go do those things you allways wanted to do. You can be the one that got away. The best revenge is to be happy yourself! Who cares if your ex knows about it or not.

miou30 · Oct 1, 2007, 12:38 AM

Its been getting a bit easier. I catch myself not thinking about her for maybe half an hour at a time. It is a huge step for me and it does make a difference. Then reality sets in and I realise that we are not together anymore. It hurts. It really hurts. But I will go through it and I will not let it take me down.

The worst time for me is the morning. When I wake up and I realise that she is not next to me anymore. Its like waking up into a nightmare. Anyone else going through the same thing?