[farfrmnormal]

I recently went through a very unexpected breakup with my boyfriend of 4 years.

The breakup brought a lot of issues to my attention - I have sought professional help to deal with these issues so they do not affect me later in life.

My question(s) -

One of my issues was that I was not an affectionate or emotional person. My therapist taught me techniques to become in tune with my emotions as well as others. Now that I am in touch with them I am not sure how to control them now. Before I used to act rationally (Even when I should have been acting emotionally - ex. Friend cries - I didn't know how to comfort them) now I act with my heart and it has caused some problems with my ex and I. How can I control them?

Could a past issue with my father leaving when I was 4 be triggering my fear of rejection with people/boyfriends?

[Biggie]

Maybe your father leaving you has built up trust issues when it comes to men. Not all men are the same and not all of them will leave you. I have a fear of rejection myself and have for a long time. I just live life day to day hoping that one day I can overcome it. You can too.

[farfrmnormal]

Is it a subconscious thing? I feel like I trust them - I just don't open up to them affectionately, because I am afraid they will reject me.

[Biggie]

I think that's something you have to take a chance with. I would never see myself rejecting anyone because they opened up to me. Don't be afraid to.

[farfrmnormal]

When my dad left he met another women - whenever I would spend time with him, she always had to be there - I asked him many times if just him and I could spend time together - he always told me that his new girlfriend would be upset and wanted to get to know me and my brother better - To me that is rejection - but I never really thought that it would be an issue until I look back on things now. This is why I am afraid - how do I let go of the past?

[Biggie]

I think you have to find peace with the past in order to let go of it. Maybe you need to patch things up with your father, and as bad as this sounds, forgive him. Let go of any ill feelings towards him. You will feel better and be able to move on.

[farfrmnormal]

My relationship with my dad has been improving - but I think I pushed that memory into the back of my head and never thought about it until now (mostly because I am thinking of things that could have caused the issues in my relationship). I think I pushed it into my subconscious - so it was still affecting me even though I wasn't thinking about it.

So, I need to forgive my dad for what happened and move on?

[Biggie]

I think it would help a lot. He's human and makes mistakes like everyone else. I think we all wish our father's could be Superdad but it's not like that in the real world. I think you will be amazed how better you feel without that extra burden on your shoulders. It's worth a try.

[farfrmnormal]

I am going to talk to my therapist about this today - see what she thinks.

Thanks - any other comments and insight is greatly appreciated.

[Biggie]

Hope it goes well.