[Nicque]

My husband and I have had a rocky marriage for the entire 16 years we have been together. In the last few months, we have really been put to the test and got to the brink of divorce. A lot of our problems have been my doing, I have a very hard time trusting him and letting my guard down. This has led to a number of problems with me withholding things from him for no reason or because I am afraid of what he'll think. These include a friendship that almost crossed the line, financial issues, my true feelings. In the last couple of months we have finally come to a place where everything was out in the open and we were truly happy (blissfully so, to the point of the children telling us to stop being so "mushy" with eachother). It has been the most wonderful feeling, something that we have never had until now. Unfortunately, I messed up and neglected to let him know of something I did reagrding our finances. Nothing bad, I just did not let him know before I did it. Now he has decided that things will truly never change and I cannot be trusted. He has told me until he is blue in the face that I can tell him anything and as long as I am upfront he will not be angry. What can I do to regain his trust? I knew immediately that I should have told him before I made the financial decision, but for some reason did it anyway. Can this be saved? I am physically hurting because I fear I have thrown away the most wonderful opportunity to be happy with a very dear, caring husband and father.

[s_cianci]

Well why are you being so secretive about things? He's already told you, until he is "blue in the face", that you can tell him anything and as long as you are upfront he will not be angry. So why don't you just do it? It already sounds like he's given you the answer to your problem. Keeping secrets from your spouse is never a good thing and in this case it doesn't even sound like you have a practical reason for doing so. You've been married for 16 years and have kids, so obviously you're no kid yourself. You're a grown adult so you've got to start relating to your husband in a grown-up, mature manner.

[Marily]

I think that you should not tell him you won't dissapoint him again but to rather show him, actions speak loumer than words. This might be your best shot:)

[talaniman]

Make a decision to be more forthcoming, and let him know ahead of time what you feel, and what you intend to do. That's all he is asking, and seems fair to me. After a while, he will see that your putting the effort in, and ease up I think. It starts with you doing the right thing.