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GlindaofOz · Aug 28, 2007, 10:00 AM

Department of Mental Health: Home Page

Here is the web page for CA dept of mental health

GlindaofOz · Aug 28, 2007, 10:01 AM

Delete his phone number and block him from your phone.

Someone who really loved you would not act the way he does. Please believe me on this. You love who he was not who he is. He is a different person now then he was when you first started dating. Its hard to let go of the past and live in the present. But he is not the same man. No one who loves you would let you feel as if you are suffering in this relationship. That's not love.

Princess_gama · Aug 28, 2007, 10:05 AM

Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

Delete his phone number and block him from your phone.

Someone who really loved you would not act the way he does. Please believe me on this. You love who he was not who he is. He is a different person now then he was when you first started dating. Its hard to let go of the past and live in the present. But he is not the same man. No one who loves you would let you feel as if you are suffering in this relationship. Thats not love.

I know... thank you. I'm trying soooo hard to forget... and its going to take me some time. I just wish he could understand how he's making me feel... but I can't even talk with him. The healing is going to take me a while since I still love him even though he's been acting so mean to me. But in trying.

GlindaofOz · Aug 28, 2007, 10:08 AM

To be brutally honest he may not even care how he is making you feel. This guy sounds really selfish and I have a feeling the only person he cares for is himself.

Will you look into the mental health services? At your young age you can nip a lot of this bad stuff in the bud. I wish at your age I had instead of fumbling through my early 20's going from one bad relationship to another and have guys just treat me bad. Please don't do that to yourself. Its not fun and it really takes a long time to recover from.

Princess_gama · Aug 28, 2007, 10:12 AM

Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

To be brutally honest he may not even care how he is making you feel. This guy sounds really selfish and I have a feeling the only person he cares for is himself.

Will you look into the mental health services? At your young age you can nip a lot of this bad stuff in the bud. I wish at your age I had instead of fumbling through my early 20's going from one bad relationship to another and have guys just treat me bad. Please don't do that to yourself. Its not fun and it really takes a long time to recover from.

It hurts to know he doesn't care... because I wish he did... I can't believe I trusted him. He even told his parents that we were going to get married. And they were so happy... god this hurts.

I'm looking at the mental health page because I really want help. I don't want to end up committing suicide... I don't want to end up that way... I want to be happy!!

GlindaofOz · Aug 28, 2007, 10:22 AM

Well I certainly hope that you wouldn't let some jerk of a guy who can't see how amazing you are be something to throw your life away over.

Counseling will help you find yourself esteem and self worth. Help you see that you don't have to deal with someone who treats you bad that you are worth more then that. I know how hard it is when you feel rejected by your parents and you aren't shown how someone is supposed to love you and that you should be cherished by your partner.

I see myself in you. When you are in a bad situation you want someone to rescue you, love you and pull you out and take you away to someplace better. The one thing I've learned in my life is that sometimes you got to rescue yourself. You have to be your own knight in shining armor. If you can do that for yourself and love yourself and believe in yourself you will have no trouble getting through your life.

Princess_gama · Aug 28, 2007, 10:26 AM

Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

Well I certainly hope that you wouldn't let some jerk of a guy who can't see how amazing you are be something to throw your life away over.

Counseling will help you find your self esteem and self worth. Help you see that you don't have to deal with someone who treats you bad that you are worth more then that. I know how hard it is when you feel rejected by your parents and you aren't shown how someone is supposed to love you and that you should be cherished by your partner.

I see myself in you. When you are in a bad situation you want someone to rescue you, love you and pull you out and take you away to someplace better. The one thing I've learned in my life is that sometimes you gotta rescue yourself. You have to be your own knight in shining armor. If you can do that for yourself and love yourself and believe in yourself you will have no trouble getting through your life.

Thank you for all your help. I'm glad I decided to join this site. You have all helped me so much. I'll check in tomorrow to tell you my progress^^
thank you
Luv,
Frankie :)

GlindaofOz · Aug 28, 2007, 10:27 AM

Good! I'm so pleased to see such a difference in you today.

I know it can seem silly but I really do care about you getting better and feeling better. I'm sending you hugs and lots of wonderful, positive energy.

goldilox · Aug 28, 2007, 10:38 AM

Personally, I know what I have to say may not be in your favour, but from what you're saying I think its probably an obsesion. And these things do happen to people but its not a very good thing... like glenda said... I would advise you to see a couselor.. not necessarily for drugs and so on but at least to get some professional advice. Him being away from you for long periods are not very positive signs from someone who claims to love you... I believe he might be seeing someone else... this is just my assumption... but he probably does not know how to tell it to you in order to prevent you from getting hurt or he just duzn't want to get rid of you since he's got someone who would do anything for him... I always think that the weaknesses you have in you for others should be kept to yourself depending on what it is... like the cutting and the suicide... dont let a man know that he can do all these things to you then he would feel like he has you around his little finger and so he can do whatever he wants to... this is where you have to put your feet down and get him to respect you... you need to do it very early in any relationship otherwise you will find yourself in a lot of trouble and pain... you need to take yourself out of this relationship... you are very young and I believe most persons go through the phaze in life when you first meet someone you have all these feelings for, you feel as if you can never fall in love again with any one else or as much as you did with that one person... its not true... there are lots of fish in the sea... take yourself out of this and spend sometime with yourself... maybe meeting other persons may help... socially... sometimes it helps a lot... speak to your parents about your situation... you may not have a good relationship with them or them with you but believe you me, they will never let you down... seek advice from them and others and please try to take yourself out of there before it gets worse... its just not a healthy thing to be in esp at your age. Good Luck!

justhaveaquestion · Aug 28, 2007, 12:33 PM

Originally Posted by Princess_gama

well this is my story:
I've been going out with an older guy. I'm 18 and hes 33. our relationship is good. but sometimes he does this thing where he disappears. he doesn't call me or text me or anything for a whole day. most of the time hes either drinking or doing drugs type ! he did that on Sunday and today he got mad. saying that i need to stop trying to control him and that just because he doesn't call doesn't mean hes dead or something like that. but it hurts when he says these things to me because all i want is to take care of him. i don't want him to drink. and when he does this...i end up getting really depressed and have thoughts of suicide or thoughts of cutting (which I'm trying to stop!!!) i love this man so much! he is my first boyfriend the first person i love and the person i lost my virginity to. I'm afraid hes bored of me. that he realizes that he already got what he wanted so now he can leave me and forget me. it just hurts soooo bad. and every day i feel like I'm loosing myself little by little...i just can't take it sometimes! even my friends tel me that i look sad all the time and they want to see me happy again. i just don't know what to do!! i don't want to leave him! hes my everything!!!!! sometimes i just wish i could die...maybe then i wouldn't be a bother to him anymore...i don't know i just need someone to help me!

i think the reason you think he is your everything is because he is your first real boyfriend when i first dated my first boyfriend i was so upset when he started acting distant and everyone thinks what would my boyfriend think if i died how would he react THAT IS NOWHERE NEAR THE ANSWER .. thats a perminant solution to a temporary problem. obviously if your thinking that your wanting to kill yourself your not in a good relationship your a young girl and hes 33 he has alot more relationship experience then you you need someone whose going to apreshiate you noone and their is someone out there.. you dont diserves to be walked all over who the hell does he think he is telling you not to worry about him being dead he should be flattered he needs to be set straight hes a screw up.. a 33 year old should be married.. not doing drugs and not telling someone who cares about him not to worry about him dieing.. guys are dumb and this one clearly isnt worth one second of your time GET RID OF HIM hes no good for you. you can do so much better =]

s_cianci · Aug 28, 2007, 12:50 PM

This man does not sound very dependable. Personally I'd break it off with him and get counseling for your emotional issues that lead you to make unhealthy choices such as this.

lacuran8626 · Aug 28, 2007, 01:02 PM

He is far too old for you, he's far to disinterested in considering your feelings, he's manipulating your emotions by disappearing, and his drug and alcohol problem is more than a phase at his age. He is a detriment to you in a thousand ways. I recommend you get some counseling to boost your self-esteem and work through breaking up with him immediately. YOu are trying to find what you are missing in yourself by being with him, and he will never fill that void. Love does not feel the way you are describing and you are going to find it, but can't begin to be open to it until he's out of the picture. When the right man is around for you, you will recognize him because istead of this frantic worry, self-doubt, and whirling emotion you will feel steady, safe, content and calm.

You are in love with the idea of a boyfriend, but can't possibly love someone who doesn't have more consideration for himself and for you, or self- care priorities to at the very least get off drugs.

angie_needs_help_101 · Aug 28, 2007, 01:13 PM

Originally Posted by Princess_gama

well this is my story:
I've been going out with an older guy. I'm 18 and hes 33. our relationship is good. but sometimes he does this thing where he disappears. he doesn't call me or text me or anything for a whole day. most of the time hes either drinking or doing drugs type ! he did that on Sunday and today he got mad. saying that i need to stop trying to control him and that just because he doesn't call doesn't mean hes dead or something like that. but it hurts when he says these things to me because all i want is to take care of him. i don't want him to drink. and when he does this...i end up getting really depressed and have thoughts of suicide or thoughts of cutting (which I'm trying to stop!!!) i love this man so much! he is my first boyfriend the first person i love and the person i lost my virginity to. I'm afraid hes bored of me. that he realizes that he already got what he wanted so now he can leave me and forget me. it just hurts soooo bad. and every day i feel like I'm loosing myself little by little...i just can't take it sometimes! even my friends tel me that i look sad all the time and they want to see me happy again. i just don't know what to do!! i don't want to leave him! hes my everything!!!!! sometimes i just wish i could die...maybe then i wouldn't be a bother to him anymore...i don't know i just need someone to help me!

Dump him now because later on you will regret this you need to stop dating older guys! Really older! U need to that e guys your own age they are the right guys no older guys!

nicespringgirl · Aug 28, 2007, 01:25 PM

Not just your problem, Princess. Many women, most of my friends, would tell me that "oh, he is really nice, he smiles all the time,blah, blah..."
Well, you tell me who is going to act rude(on purpose) to get a chick?Who is going to show all his bad habits to get a chick?
Men are not dumb, women who think men are dumb are dumb. It takes long time to figure out a guy.
Good luck, and I know you are doing better and I am sure you will eventually get through it:)

Princess_gama · Aug 28, 2007, 05:44 PM

Well i broke it off...I told him that i love him and i will always love him. but i dont think we should continue the relationship. we've been talking because well come on we work in the same place. so he saw how sad i looked. he said that he loves me.but that we need to work on each other first. he said that he need to work on his problems and that i need to get counceling too to get over my self esteem and my cutting isues. he said he doesnt want to see me hurt myself. and that even though we are only friends now. i can still call him when ever i need a friend to talk to. and that i should not worrie because he wont go back to his ex. he said that maybe some day when we are done working on our issues. then maybe the relationship can work out again. he sais he still wants to marry me and have a family with me. but that for now i need to worrie about myself and grow up a little more before we go back to eachother. and i think hes right. he also said we need to get to know eachother better first.

for now hes helping me get counceling. hes going to take me to some places to see if i can go there. what do you guys think???

GlindaofOz · Aug 28, 2007, 05:46 PM

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!
YAY!!
<BIG HUG>

However, I think that maybe you two should not see each other until you have both worked on your issues. It may be too hard for you to get better or move on with him still in our life.

Princess_gama · Aug 28, 2007, 05:54 PM

Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!
YAY!!!!!
<BIG HUG>

However, I think that maybe you two should not see each other until you have both worked on your issues. It may be too hard for you to get better or move on with him still in our life.

thank you ^^

well I still have to see him because we work together. And I can't exactly quit right now since I'm going to college and I need the money! But I'm going to talk to him later so we finish figuring our problems out. And yeah today since I broke it off with him in the morning and then I saw him at work. It was sooo hard. I just wanted to break down. And I did cry a little but I'm okay now. I'm beginning to accept the break up a little more

GlindaofOz · Aug 28, 2007, 06:02 PM

It takes time.

One of our members Ash123 wrote a great guide to surviving a break up here is the link:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ghlight=Ash123

It is totally normal to mourn this relationship and to feel hurt. Its hard to do the right things for ourself sometimes. I am so incredibly proud of you for doing this. It is the right thing to do. People need to be healthy to be in a relationship or else problems erupt. What until you start with counseling things will get so much better for you. I'm also really happy to hear your in college. Have you checked in with them? Most colleges have counselors on staff to help students at no cost. I'd start there since its free.

Princess_gama · Aug 28, 2007, 06:09 PM

Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

It takes time.

One of our members Ash123 wrote a great guide to surviving a break up here is the link:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ghlight=Ash123

It is totally normal to mourn this relationship and to feel hurt. Its hard to do the right things for ourself sometimes. I am so incredibly proud of you for doing this. It is the right thing to do. People need to be healthy to be in a relationship or else problems erupt. What until you start with counseling things will get so much better for you. I'm also really happy to hear your in college. Have you checked in with them? Most colleges have counselors on staff to help students at no cost. I'd start there since its free.

Thank you^^ I'm really glad you care so much for me. My friend is going to go with me to see the counselor^^ she actyally wants to take counseling too :] and I suport her. We want to go to like a group counceling because she doesn't want to be alone! She's having trouble with her parents and she used to cutt too (I got her to stop doing that. I even checked her arms and legs for a whole month!! ) but now she's okay^^

GlindaofOz · Aug 28, 2007, 06:11 PM

I'm so glad to hear that! However the counselor may suggest individual sessions as the two of your progress since you share a common behavior but not common situations. But how wonderful to have someone to lean on during this time. You guys can support one another through all of this and how awesome will it be to see the changes in one another and help each other if you stumble.