[Tuscany]

Let me start this by saying I know that my husband is not cheating on me, I trust him and he trusts me.

We have a mutual friend who we are both close to (a woman), close enough that she did a reading at our wedding. She has been going through some rough times lately, both personally and professionally. My husband and I have tried our best to help her and I call her at least 3 to 4 times a week just to check in.

Last night was one of those check in times. But, we ended up playing phone tag until about 9:00 when we finally were able to connect. We had a nice chat on the phone, we talked about her kids, a new position at work that I am trying for, an upcoming birthday party for another friend of ours. And then at the end of the conversation she says to me "Where is Tad tonight?" Now Tad has gone out with the guys every Thursday night for the last 10 years. He is on a bowling league in the winter and a golf league in the summer. So I answer "Tad is at bowling and then going to The Den (a local bar)." We end our conversation and hang up.

Not a minute later Tad's phone rings (he forgot it at home) and since he had asked me to answer any calls that came in (because of the buisness), I picked up the phone. But not before checking the caller ID. It was the friend that I had just gotten off the phone with. So I say "Hey Jen!!" Nothing on the other end... "Jen?"... again nothing "Jen I know you are there I can hear you breathing." Finally "What are you doing answering Tad's phone." I told her he left it at home... and asked why she was calling my husband. AGAIN nothing. I asked again. Nothing. I said Jen what's up what do you need. The she HUNG UP on me!!

I tried calling her back. She turned her phone off. So, I called Tad. Told him what was going on. He laughed, said she was crazy and that he had not heard nor seen her all night. Again I trust him and I know he is telling me the truth.

After about a 1/2 hour she calls me and asks me what game I am playing. I was like HELLOO you called my husband at 10 at night and you don't have a reason why. She told me I needed mental help. She screamed at me over and over again. I was like what the heck!>?! And finally hung up the phone.

What do I do next? Do I call her, do I have my husband call her? Do I write her and her children (who call me aunt) off? What do I do??

[johnny-b-good]

Well I would find out what is going on more. Because I know one trust him but that is screaming something more friendly phone-call.

[talaniman]

Let your husband do the investigation, low key of course. She is up to something and you surprised her. You also need to back off contact with her, as her actions are not appropriate, and underhanded to the max. Honestly it could be as simple as she feels more comfortable talking to your husband about certain things than you, which is okay, but no reason to go behind your back about it. I say this without knowing anything about her, or her life.

[Emland]

I think you are right in that your husband is not cheating on you. What this does sound like is that she is trying to initiate an emotional affair with him. If it was innocent on her part wouldn't it have made more sense for her to say "I need a man's point of view on this," or something like that?

Her irrational response indicates to me that she feels guilty or uncomfortable with your awareness of her attempt to reach your husband. I would ask him to call her while you are in the room.

[Tuscany]

Thanks guys. I have been up all night thinking about this. And I needed to vent and get some opinions. Emland, I would not be surprised it you are right... that maybe she needs the male perspective on things. Which honestly if she did I would not care. It is truly the fact that she just couldn't answer me when she called.

Honestly, thank god my marriage is so strong because if it wasn't I would have thought the worse.

[Tuscany]

Here is an update. She has e-mailed me ending our friendship. She thinks that I overreacted and that I am a cruel person.

I guess at this point I am numb. What can I do?

[Emland]

I think she got caught doing something she knows is wrong and is deflecting it to make it seem like you are at fault.

You had every reason to ask why she was calling your husband at a late hour when she new he wasn't with you. I think when you mentioned he was going to the bar after bowling she was planning on going over to meet him.

You overreacted? You weren't the one screaming, right? She sounds unstable at this point and I think you are better not talking or interacting with her.

[Treeny]

I smell something fishy here!

[Skell]

I have to completely agree with Em's post. It appears that you caught your friend getting up to something that's he knows she shouldn't have been and rather than simply admit guilt and ask for forgiveness she has attempted to turn it around and blame you.

A common practice among those who get caught doing the wrong thing.

It is sad because she is obviously not in a healthy emotional state right now which has clearly effected her in making these poor decisions. And now you have lost a friend you were only trying to help.

But there isn't much you can do for her now. Perhaps she will come to her senses and realise how silly she has been and apologise, perhaps she won't.

Please keep us updated. It is interesting I must say!

[Skell]

Sorry Tuscany. I didn't realise you posted that in April. My bad. I should have checked.

In any case what did end up happening?

[Tuscany]

Hi Skell,

We have had no contact with this woman in about 2 months now. While I miss her children I do not miss the drama that being her friend brought into my life.

After this incident she e-mailed me and told me she was sick of my mind games, that she wanted to end the friendship. She told me that I was unstable and needed to be committed. She even went as far as to e-mail my husband as well telling him she would support him if he decided to do something about my mental state.

I only responded once to the e-mail by saying "You called my husband, did not have an explaination for why. I asked for one, you could not give me one, and now I am unstable." My husband called her and told her that she was completely off base, that I was a loving and supportive friend, that she was ruining one of the best things that had ever happened to her. She responded to him that she was looking for my husband's best friend not my husband and that I should have known that.

Since that time we have only seen each other a handful of times. She continues to call some of our mutual friends, but even they have a hard time being around her. Like I said I wish things were different, but I feel that I was backed into a corner on this one.

[Skell]

Sounds like you and your husband have handled everything perfectly Tuscany!

[Tuscany]

Not perfectly, in a weird way I feel very guilty. My husband was like a second father to her sons and I was like their aunt. We miss them terribly. And I know that they miss us. Her youngest calls us when his mom is at work, we want to do things with them, but they are worried that she will get angry. So we just talk on the phone. I feel like I have left them when they needed me the most.

[Skell]

I understands that must be hard for you and the kids and it just makes this whole thing sadder. But you shouldn't feel any guilt. You haven't done anything wrong. You haven't left her / their lives. She has taken them out of yours. Another poor decision on her behalf but they are her kids and there isn't much you can do.

Im sure one day you will be able to see them and her again. Like any broken relationship though it will just take some time for things to settle down.

[cerisa]

Be thankful sweetie that this ended as well for you and your husband as it did. Providence stepped in for you when you intercepted that call. Putting you in the drivers seat as to how to deal with it. She got caught, and is embarrassed because of it. Embarrasment=anger here.