Check out some similar questions!

Tula · Aug 8, 2007, 10:01 PM

I have never done this before but I am just so upset and it seems there are no answers. So I thought someone one out there may help.

My husband and I have been married 5 yrs. He was divorced after 20+ years and raised 2 sons. I was widowed after 30+ years and raised 4 sons. He had been divorced a few years prior to us meeting. His oldest son is a graduate of the US Navel Academy and a very bright young man. He married after the academy to a local girl he had known in High School. He was in the Navy when I married his father. All of our children his and mine were raised in a Christian home with family values and all were grown graduated and living on their own prior to both or our previous marriages.

The problem is with my husband’s oldest son and his wife. They got out of the Navy a couple years ago and are now living a few miles from us. They have 2 adorable children a boy and a girl both under 5. His daughter-in-law was raised in a strict Christian home and her father is a pastor where they go to church. The problem is that after they moved back from the Navy she does not want anything to do with any of my husband’s side of the family. It started by her saying she did not want to be hugged or touched by my husband because she was not comfortable. That was fine with us, everything was good. Some people just are not comfortable with that we understood. But then his son called him and said she just did not want anything to do with us al all. She told her husband that his father tried to kiss her on the lips prior to all this. It happened at his grandson’s baptism at their church. They had then just returned from the Navy to our area and he was excited to see them and to be part of this wonderful event. This all was bad enough and it has went on for over a year now. They live less than 10 miles from us and we pass each others home almost daily, we sill have not seen them or the kids. We really want to love her and believe she needs some mental help and no one seems to realize that.

Now tonight my husband received a call from his youngest son who is taking care of his mother. He said that tonight his brother called him and said that his wife now has a problem with his mom and they will not be seeing them either! They live over 100 miles away form each other and have not seen them in months either. But my point is she is systematically alienating all of his family from their lives. She is a Christian as are we all but this is just nuts. My husband and his x wife as well as his other son and myself are all hurting so much. I really do not know what to do. My husband has tried to talk with her father (a pastor), but gets no response. Please does anyone out there have a suggestion other than just letting this happen? We just want a loving family and to contribute to the grandchildrens lives. My husbands family has lots to give and are good people! HELP!

Wondergirl · Aug 8, 2007, 10:12 PM

How is the dil's husband (your husband's son) dealing with all this? Is he going along with it for his wife's sake? Does he believe she's right, or is he just trying to keep peace at home? Has the son made any comments to his father or to siblings about any of this?

Is the dil's father a minister of a fundamentalist/evangelical church? (You mentioned "strict".) I grew up in such a home with a preacher-father, and wonder if your dil is blaming you somehow for your husband's divorce... or... believes divorce is evil... or... hmmm who knows what else...

Tula · Aug 8, 2007, 10:35 PM

Thanks for the response. This is all happening via my husbands son. He is the "head of his household". She will not talk with any of us. No no one blames me we did not even know each other when the divorce happened. She just does not want anything to do with any one other than her parents and 1 sister and her husband and her brother. I saw this evolve and believe me neither my husband or myself ever disrespected her and we never would. We really really want to love her, she just will not let us even get close. It has been a year since we last seen any of them.

Wondergirl · Aug 8, 2007, 10:46 PM

I still don't get it. "She just does not want anything to do with any one other than her parents and 1 sister and her husband and her brother." Like I said, I grew up in a similar environment. Nothing is ever done for no reason. What is going on in her head that she wants nothing to do with her husband's side of the family? (or does she accept certain in-laws?) If her father won't talk with you either, um, something's going on.

Who exactly thinks "she needs some mental help" and why do they think that? Are there other things going on, or just her break with her husband's side of the family?

The kiss on the mouth? Could that have started all this?

Tula · Aug 8, 2007, 10:50 PM

I am sorry I did not answer one of your questions and that is the church she was brought up in is a non dem fundimantal sim to baptist. As are we. I was brought up in Assembly of God. Honestly I just do not get this. No they do not seem to want any contact with any and I mean any of my husbands side of the family.

Wondergirl · Aug 8, 2007, 11:00 PM

If her church is an independent Baptist church, yes, they are very strict and read the Bible very literally.

I had added a question about the kiss on the mouth. Could that have started all this? They may be taking something from the OT and applying it to your husband and that kiss.

And why won't the dil's father talk to your family about this--and explain it? His not talking makes me think there is more going on than just your dil maybe having mental problems.

Tula · Aug 9, 2007, 11:04 AM

We do not believe the attempted kiss on the mouth was anything more than a hug with a kiss on the cheek that may have went close. She was holding the baby, in church lots of people around and we each gave her a hug and the baby a kiss on the forehead. My husband is 65 yr and she is 32 and we had just been married a couple years. Prior to that they were in the Navy and we had not seen them.

I at first thought it may have been a bit of the baby blues but now I am not sure. I think she is just a very nieve young lady. Of course the perfect christian family would have no divorce, re marriage, all children would honor and love their parents and siblings. But stuff happens. I think she has been so protected that his family are an embarrassment to her. A father in law and a mother in law that got a divorce, a new step mother in law, a brother in law that is single and lives with his mother. My husband sings old country and records for family and friends. She does not like his music she thinks it all should be christian music or nothing. I know those old country songs are cheatin' and drinkin' but for goodness sake, I don't see that being un godly. We are strong bible believing born again christians ourselves and believe in most all thing in moderation. We are pretty much homebodies and love to be with family and friends.