[saraispiel19]

Well I'm mαrried αnd whαt I would like to hαppen is:
1) don't mαke fαt jokes or poke αt her or do ugly fαces-- you probαbly don't do these on purpose or do them αt αll but you could do ugly fαces unconsciously

2) confront her nicely when no one is αround

3) when confronting her sαy: "i think you αre beαutiful, you still mαke me smile till this dαy αnd you've given me __ wonderful kids. αnd i wαnt both of us to grow old αnd see whαt they hαve become, i think we should stαrt α heαlthier lifestyle, me you αnd the kids...
i don't wαnt to upset you but i tell you becαuse i cαre αbout you αnd us... i don't think your ugly, i'm just thinking αbout your heαlth..etc"

4)see whαt she hαs to sαy αbout if she gets mαd- let it go for α couple of dαys, if she gets sαd be there to comfort her..

5) see gyms together [don't bring home brochers! ]

6) αctuαlly stαrt living α heαthier lifestyle: eαt less junk, αdd more veggies, drink more milk less pop, go out to the pαrk with your fαmily, evening wαlks with the wife... the sky's the limit!

Good luck to yα<3

[kp2171]

Weight is also tied to health. Yes, physical attraction is part of it, but my wife would be upset if I put on a lot of weight, not just for the physical aspect, but the increased issues tied to heart disease, high blood pressure, etc.

So lets not just make this a "hes an ungrateful pig of a man" post. Physical fitness has a lot of benefits, some mental, and I see keeping myself fit tied to my responsibility not only to myself, but to my spouse and my child.

And yes, I have gained and lost before. Its not like I'm one of those people who don't have to work at trying to stay in some kind of shape. My metabolism keeps screwing around and my body doesn't heal as fast as it used to. Its not going to get any easier for her in the years to come to be fit.

So pile on him if you want. My wife would be right there beside him defending a spouses concern for the health of the mate, and that includes a healthy sex life, an active lifestyle, and being a role model for the children.

[Wondergirl]

All my suggestions had to do with the mental, physical, sexual, and emotional health of BOTH of them.

[kp2171]

How do you bring up your wife needs to lose weight? :confused: Not just a few pounds... but about 60! :eek: When we met we were young and active. ;) Life happens and Kids happen and its been five years since our second child. :rolleyes: My wife is a stay at home Mom that has "Let herself go" :( Now her health is suffering and she is only in her mid thirties.:confused: She has just stopped caring about her looks.

If this were a woman writing about herself, people would be treating her with soft hands. Because it's the hubby, the response is "hope HE isnt becoming the fat ape most men become with age"...

OK...

Mid thirties, health suffering. Again, if a woman wrote this about herself wed see a different tone.

And yes, I know we CAN be pigs. And women have a lot more pressure from a lot more sources to be "perfect"...

Assuming she weighed 140lbs before... and who knows what it was, 60 lbs more would be a weight gain of 42%, 200lbs. She's in her thirties. She's having problems (what, we haven't been told) it only gets harder from here on out.

[saraispiel19]

I αgree with KP:

theres nothing insensitive αbout being concerned αbout someone's heαlth

[Wondergirl]

Concern and love for an overweight spouse is wonderful, but this thread started, not with concern and love, but with the heading, "Shes an overweight wife." The health "concern" was mentioned only as a "by the way" at the end of the original post.

[saraispiel19]

Yeα but still αt leαst he wαnts her to lose the weight insteαd of going out αnd find him α loosey goosey..

Plus it benifts her in the end: she'll feel better, look better αnd her self-esteem with sky rocket..

[nicespringgirl]

I agree, Wondergirl.I am not comfortable of this title either!

[saraispiel19]

The title wαs just to cαtch people's αttention in order for more αdvice-- this is α mαn we're tαlking αbout-- do you think he would sit there αnd think "whαt would be α politicαlly correct title for my question??"... I beg to differ.. it's just α title lαdies:)

[kp2171]

She IS an overweight wife most likely.

And his post is a few sentences long! Is he really a bad guy cause he mentioned health after his question? Yes, the topic could be worded differently.

So the guy signs up here and goes through the trouble of getting other peoples opinion and... yknow what?. I think I give up.

We agree to disagree on whether the guy is a jerk because of sentence structure and placement.

i give up.

[saraispiel19]

Like I sαid : it's α guy!

Women try to mαke α "sensitive issue"-- oh no cαn't sαy your fαt.. Jeeze αt leαst he's not like your typicαl mαle "my wifes α cow..." if he wαs α jerk he wouldn't αsk for help he'd go strαight up to her smαck thαt chocolαte bαr off her hαnd replαce it with α cαrrot αnd tell her she's fαt..

[Wondergirl]

we agree to disagree on whether the guy is a jerk because of sentence structure and placement.

I haven't said he's a jerk; you implied it. I'm concerned HOW he goes about helping the wife he obviously loves.

Men have no concept on how sensitive women are about weight, even if she seems to welcome a spouse's concern for her health. Stand outside the local grocery store and do a "Your spouse is concerned about your health because of your weight" poll of every woman who emerges. That would be a random sampling. I suspect you would have a great awakening.

[ashleysb]

First you should look at what could be causing this weight gain. Is it simply that she is not making healthy choices, or is something wrong with her thyroid, or birth control, or menopause? If this weight was put on in a short time, I would be more concerned that something is wrong, not just she is sitting around all day eating junk.
Secondly, I think this man has received lots of good advice from both stand points, and since we don't know his wife he needs to make the final decision on how to deal with this. Weight is a very sensitive issue with most women. Just make sure whatever you do you do it out of love and not vain.

[LearningAsIGo]

What ever you do, just tell her she's beautiful ~ every day :)

[Mockinbird]

I haven't said he's a jerk; you implied it. I'm concerned HOW he goes about helping the wife he obviously loves.

Men have no concept on how sensitive women are about weight, even if she seems to welcome a spouse's concern for her health. Stand outside the local grocery store and do a "Your spouse is concerned about your health because of your weight" poll of every woman who emerges. That would be a random sampling. I suspect you would have a great awakening.

Its not very sensitive of you to say a statement of "Men have no concept on how sensitive women are about weight" Not all men are Jerks. You seem to have a chip on your shoulder. I won't go there. The simple fact is... I just want to know how to approach the issue. To go online and ask for help should indicate I'm not asking for a diatribe of how insensitive men are... Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate the fact you posted so many times on this question. Obviously it has hit a cord with you as well as others. It proves it not a subject to be taken lightly. As for the title of my post. I tried others but the software does not allow certain key words and you have to have a subject. No secret motive... No hidden agenda. Thank you all for your advice. I will approach this as... first start hitting the gym... ask her if she would like to join and go while the kids are at school since a package deal is cheaper. She might even start soccer again. I cannot risk not trying something to steer her toward weight loss. I love her very much she knows that... if her weight continues to climb it robs us of so much. I want her around and healthy. I don't want to risk so much health wise, simply because of it might hurt her feelings. Its complicated.

[s_cianci]

I think your wife needs to know that you love her regardless. Having that security will be her biggest motivator to lose the weight she needs to lose. My own wife lost 80 pounds after having gastric bypass surgery. That may not necessarily be an option for your wife as there are strict guidelines that need to be adhered to before any doctor will perform the operation and before insurance will agree to pay for it. However, I did not pressure her to lose the weight, she decided to do it all on her own. Actually I was rather concerned about her having such an invasive surgery as she has a history of not tolerating surgery well. But I supported her because I knew it was what she wanted. But I love her all the same and she knew that. I liked her the way she was and I like her the way she is now. The point is, you've got to love her for her and she's got to love herself.

[talaniman]

Focusing on a females weight may make you overlook another more emotionally based issue that the weight only covers up. You need to talk to your female and pay attention to what and how she expresses herself, to make sure she is happy and secure, or has something on her mind that may depress or overwhelm her. Many women have their outward appearance tied to emotional health, so before you drag her around the block, or make a big deal about her weight, check and see if she isn't something on her mind you need to know. That should be the first step, Talk and listen and Keep your concerns to yourself, until you have identified the root cause of her actions. Few women let themselves go, when they are happy and healthy.

[talaniman]

Before undertaking any physical activities, a check up is a wise course for you both.

[jcruz]

Like yours, my wife gained a lot of weight after we got married, as you can see in the photos below. I kept my mouth shut and now feel like it's too late to do anything about it. She was always on diets before, but after the engagement, she started to eat more and there was never any more talk of diets. My advice is to talk to your wife before she is too far gone. It sounds like she is close already.

[kp2171]

OP'er hasn't been here in almost a year. Old thread.