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How do you bring up your wife needs to lose weight? :confused: Not just a few pounds... but about 60! :eek: When we met we were young and active. ;) Life happens and Kids happen and its been five years since our second child. :rolleyes: My wife is a stay at home Mom that has "Let herself go" :( Now her health is suffering and she is only in her mid thirties.:confused: She has just stopped caring about her looks.
First of all, you need to make her feel good about herself or she will not be able to get the inspiration that she needs. Explain to her that she will always be beautiful to you but that you really want her to be healthy so that you both can have a long, eventful life together; her health is also extremely important for the children. Explain to her that you will be right by her side and will help her to lose the extra pounds that just need to come off.
I found a website that would be very helpful for you; let me know what you think!
10 Ways to Help a Loved One Lose Weight
Start exercising together walk together at night or in the morning. Be supportive and caring. Get her a gift certificate to a spa so she can get a make over. Let her know her outer beauty needs to match her inner beauty.
Love her as she is. That's about as easy as it gets. You fell in love with one person and that person has changed... so you need to love her as she is now. Only other option would be to join a gym TOGETHER. Support her but make it seem like it would be something you could do together. Make it your idea about you getting in shape. That way you're not critiquing her! And like I said if all else fails.. just accept herQuote:
Originally Posted by Mockinbird
Yes but his wife really needs to know the truth and needs to accept the fact that she is beginning to become unhealthy. Doing it together is great but she needs a bit of a reality check and needs to know the truth about what her husband is feeling/thinking.Quote:
Originally Posted by tburd
Don't bring up one word about her weight. Or her health.
Get a sitter and take her (your wife, not the sitter) for romantic walks in the moonlight, go bowling together weekly (join a couples' league?), join a fitness club and twice weekly begin lifting weights (and invite her to spot you... and then to try it herself), join a Y with an indoor pool and take her weekly to swim laps, have lots of sex after the two of you dive in and clean the house... and sweep out the garage... and wash the cars... and do yardwork -- like, DO active stuff TOGETHER!
AND DON'T MENTION HER WEIGHT!! OR HER HEALTH!!
Great answer but we don't know if she is in denial about her weight or not. A lot of people go through this process. It's important for her to be setting a good example for her children as well. In MY opinion it just needs to be addressed in a polite manner... maybe you should suggest that both of you should see the doctor for a yearly check up. They will surly give her a little more insight on her weight.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondergirl
It doesn't matter a whit if she is in denial. If she is, all the more reason NOT to mention her weight or her health or both in the same sentence. (Please reread my earlier post for what to do, how to handle this.)Quote:
Originally Posted by rankrank55
If anyone is aware of her weight and the potential for health problems, SHE is! Now, let's watch her husband smear her face in the fact with "gentle platitudes" about how unhealthy her fat is, about how she is a shining light for her children, how she should see a doctor and have HIM give her a talking to.
Wow! You've got this female psychology thing down pat!!
He needs to express his concerns with her in my opinion. I would want my husband to do the same for me; I like to know what he is thinking whether it's good or bad. No need to be rude hun this is an opinion based post... only he knows which approach would be best for his wife.
And if you were 60 pounds overweight, it would be just fine if your husband expressed himself to you as you suggest? Think about that. (I'm guessing you aren't 60 pounds overweight and never have been.)
I am not being rude. I am being honest. I have known kazillions of women throughout my life, and cannot think of one who would welcome such criticisms evenly "gently" put. Oh, some of the women might make agreeable-sounding noises just to be "nice", but I betcha nearly every one would be seething inside. If she isn't, she's got a self-esteem (i.e. Stepford wife) problem.
Personally I would want him to confront me, I have no problem with that. It all really depends on the woman. Just because a woman is comfortable with her husbands views does not make her a "Stepford wife." That's absurd.
You aren't married, are you. Ho, ho -- you have an adventure ahead of you!
I sure hope there never will be something you "let go" about yourself that your husband can remark on and/or bring up as a "health" problem that needs to be fixed.
Anyway, you and I should discuss this at lunch next week. Meanwhile, I stand by my advice in my first post. A woman's weight is a very touchy subject. Read Janet Evanovich mysteries and note how Lula handles comments about her "traditional figure".
No, I'm married. You are right, I may not have experienced the whole "letting yourself go" part but I do know that I would like his input if I ever do. I respect what you have to say, don't get me wrong. I'm sure you have had more experience than me in that department and you probably have heard from a lot of other women who have shared their stories about subjects like this. As of right now, I would want his input. I will take you up on your word and read that book!
Start with the first one, One for the Money, and read them in order. You will meet Stephanie, the two men who are after her (romantically--Ranger and Joe Morelli), Vinnie and Connie, and Lula. I'm reading Twelve Sharp now, will have my bedtime glass of milk and some Entemann's soon while I read--trying not to gain weight so my husband... ooops, never mind.
LMAO! I will definitely eBay these books tonight! Enjoy your glass of milk... sound yummers!
well first if you really love her you will except her the way she is...
But well i say you could help her by well exercise everyday with her like go walking and well you could watch what you 2 eat if you want to help her you will have to do it with her so she knows she's not by herself!
Women need to take care of themselves. Some of us worried too much about bieng gaining weight, some of us lose control on dieting. Those are not encouraged.Men like women who know how to take care of herself-that is just the fact.
It's really up to your wife if she wants to lose it or not.
Is she depressed on the marriage you are having?
There are many reasons cause her weight problems, do some research before you talk to her about it.
Honestly, I doubt are there many women can handle your advice? Even if they are very gentle and super friendly...
I'm pretty sure she already feels pretty crummy about herself. Most women feel bad when they gain that much weight. I'm sure her self esteem is collapsing and she needs to know that she is loved and supportive. I'm pretty sure your wife knows she has gained 60 pounds she probably just feels ashamed.
I don't know if confronting her is the right way because what his wife will hear is "you are fat and I think you are disgusting". Which is what most women would hear in a situation like that which could send her into a spiral. When people do that to their spouses sometimes they do the opposite and actually will start to eat more as a way of rebelling.
Maybe this guy needs to get her more active and involved. I think WonderGirl is actually right. Getting his wife involved in more physical things will make her feel better and giving her more sex will make her feel more desirable and will help her feel good about herself. Physical activity and sexual activity will help to build her self esteem and she more start wanting to lose more weight.
Why not also take over the shopping for her and pick up lots and lots of healthy foods and try to find some healthy, family friendly recipes.
My experience is that its always easier to exercise when you have someone to hold you to it. And I think women especially, in my experience, are better at finding workout partners to get them committed...
So, as mentioned, walks are a good start. Biking. Hiking. Things you can do together.
If I put on that much weight my wife would tell me I needed to do something about it. The health issues are real. Do you have a gym membership? The YMCA is great for families, reasonably priced... there's a childcare room where the little ones can putter for an hour and a half while the parents workout.
After sleeping on this question, I've come up with more thoughts. During these years of marriage, the wife has stayed home and given up the chance at a career and talking with adults to be at home to raise this man's children to be decent, loving people. She probably has helped with homework, kept the house clean, laundered everyone's dirty clothes, taken care of the family pets, has had dinner waiting when he gets home from work, has probably baked her share of cookies and cakes for his and the kids' pleasure, and has actually given up her own ego for the sake of the egos of her husband and children.
And he is complaining about her weight?? I hope his hair hasn't begun to recede or that bald patch gotten bigger or his love handles haven't muffined out over his pants or his eyes begun to wander or he now has dentures or he's become a workaholic, i.e. drone, with no other interests or has dumped all the household/homeowner chores into her lap... If so for any of that, please pass me the plate of still-warm-from-the-oven cookies!
I still stand by my first response.
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