[hotch1ck71]

Shame!

I just had an ovarian cyst surgery and it was my boyfriend pays off all my hospital bills. But before I am fully recovered he was sending me e-mail that he doesn't feel good about us and he wants to go on his way no matter how much it will going to hurt me because he can't no longer live the way we have. We are almost three years in our relationship and we mostly fights more than we have peace of time. I would say at a rating of ten we fight 10 and 2 without the fights. He had already attempted to break up third times but I keep pushing him to try all over again and even beg for it. We have lots of disagreement and a lot of fights and my jealousy issues. I know I am not mostly fair to him but I can't help it because I don't feel secured in our relationship. He keeps telling me that he loves me but I can't feel it, I can't see it. Maybe it was only me who expect much from him so I tried to understand and adjust a little. Before him breaking with me I was sending him text maybe a little annoying because I was wondering why he is no longer calling and texting not knowing he has been through with a lot of troubles between us not telling me about it just pretending everything is fine. I also figure out that he was annoyed of my mail that I brought up some old issue and maybe he feels like I was trying to let him feel guilty but it wasn't really my intention. And I was also teasing him something that he took it seriously that maybe made him more mad.

He is a nice guy but he mostly don't know what he wants especially when he is depressed when we have lots of fights. He keeps changing mind about plans and everything and it seems he doesn't have the direction in life. I hate when he seems attractive to someone else and he seems he doesn't care even if I am around and I feel insulted about it. And I get jealous. We also have problems with regards to sex because he is no longer interested having sex with me and I tried to talk to him about it and he only said that he doesn't feel like it anymore not because he doesn't love me anymore but because of our plenty fights it affects him very much. He is a workaholic type of person when he has nothing to do he get easily irritated and it affects our relationship and it feels like he sees me as a problem which is really painful. I've been trying my best to please him and be understanding about him and the situations but seems he doesn't appreciate at all.

It continues fighting over nothing, arguing and then feel like we are two people who are in love again. Same circle all the time again and again. Until now that he decided to go his own way again for the fourth times. The first time I can't feel the pain but the next day was intense. I've been sending him a dozen of mail but he no longer replying and he never call anymore. It feels like he really meant it. In his e-mail he said he cries because it also hurt him but it doesn't helps that way even though he will put his head to the sand it doesn't work and his stomach twisting. And he ask sorry because he can't make it work anymore and can't live the way we have. But I can't let him go it drives me crazy. I love him very much. And I want to get him back.

I feel that we can sort thing out again and I guess he was just confused of so many unexpected events that comes along.. financial matter.. not able to communicate for almost two months because of my line problem.. and maybe our past fights troubling him a lot.. I can understand that but making a rush decision in a middle of crisis is not a good idea. I was sending him text and giving him space to think.. no rush decision.. and assuring him that I am waiting whenever he is ready to talk to me. But this time I never beg for him to come back but just giving assurance that I am still willing to reconcile anytime when he is feeling better. I kept on searching on the web how to get my man back and want some opinions from anyone out there. Seriously I really want him back. Any suggestion to get him back again and letting him feel that not all situation has the same outcome. And I promise to myself thing would be better this time. It's not just really easy since he is a miles away at moment. He has different race and living another country. Works there for a couple of months and come home with me for a couple of months that's our agreement for the meantime.

At moment I don't have good rest, can't eat well, feel anxious about everything what had happened. I know I can't make thing just overnight. But I am willing to sacrifice and have my patience to wait.

Please help!

[SAB123]

If it didn't work the 3rd or 4th time, why would you think it will work the 5th time. I would move on my ex kept breaking up with me. Too much drama. I would leave him alone. If you want to get better that is what you have to do and in time the hurt and all the stuff you feel above will slowly go away.

[Haplo]

It sounds like there is a lot of distress and conflict in this relationship. Mainly what caught my attention is that you say that he tells you he loves and such but you don't feel it or believe it. Is it because of the arguments? Or are the arguments because of those feelings?

What are your fights about? You say they're nothing but it's important to discuss what they're about. They may contain useful information to the true nature of what's going on.

[Canada_Sweety]

Of course it's coming... try thinking of yourself only. Give men a break for a little while and just think about yourself and what you need.

[GlindaofOz]

I don't understand why you would want him back. He sounds conflicted, confused and well, no fun. If you fight all the time and he is miserable and depressed this cannot be a healthy relationship.

I think you need to focus on healing your body and your heart and move on. You shouldn't fight all the time in a good relationship and one or both parties involved should not be miserable.

As other posters said if it didn't work out all those other times you tried why do you think this time it will?

[hotch1ck71]

It sounds like there is a lot of distress and conflict in this relationship. Mainly what caught my attention is that you say that he tells you he loves and such but you don't feel it or believe it. Is it because of the arguments? Or are the arguments because of those feelings?

What are your fights about? You say they're nothing but it's important to discuss what they're about. They may contain useful information to the true nature of what's going on.

Hi most of our fights was started when I am so closed about myself I didn't share mostly of the thing I have in mind including dreams, plans and what I was thinking in a daily basis. He get frustrated that lead to thinking opposite of what really I am thinking and planning for the future.. in general seems he doesn't know enough about me.. probably he does through the long period we have been together. I keep asking him to give me time to let go and open myself to him without being awkward. But I do really love him I am not just used of telling emotions and everything which is very frustrated I know. But I keep working on it. That's why I believe and determined to get him back because I know it was me who causes problem here.

Anyway most of the fights we have is him thinking I don't want to do anything. Not happy doing thing with him though I do feel like it and love it really but I am wondering he always not feeling I am not happy doing the thing we were doing. Also he usually get frustrated of me of not liking to do he wants sometimes.. like playing games and I am not really into it so most of the time maybe he saw me not happy about it because I don't like what I did and was just doing it to please him.

When it comes to planning he has a lot of plans but always ended not continuing the plan when doesn't feel like it anymore when he is so discourage about it. And I am different when I started something; because I don't really want to start a thing I don't really feel like doing but mostly I get frustrated because I always end up doing it because he wants it. But if I get something I have already started I want to finish it. He is kind of guy who doesn't have a sense of direction but he is a hard working guy. I just get lost most of the times and I found myself wondering what I want to do and what I really want when he keeps on jumping to another plan again and again. And I get lost! And I end up not wanting to do anything. Coz I have the feeling sooner or later he is going to change route again and it's quite frustrating.

One more thing my jealous issue. He is quite attractive guy and get a lot of attention from any other girls and of course he loves it and easily get attracted to them. I can understand that but I get pissed when he seems he doesn't care if it hurts me. I get jealous just to anyone for no reason at all and no basis at all and that's my problem I want to change but it's not easy. I know it's not fair for him.

I also have problem communicating with him I am one of those person who is a little shy at times but I also have wild side of me and a little kinky inside and I am not quite good in communication to him but I am really working on it. I don't know I can't understand myself I feel free doing and talking anything under the sun to anybody but to my boyfriend I feel so awkward doing my part. I have some comments from any other person that they find me really fun to talk with but my boyfriend find me boring and I can't really understand why I am like this to him. But I am sure I like him and I do really love him otherwise I am not desperate wanting him back. I feel like grubbing him to do thing I want together because he will surely appreciate and longing for it but I just can't. It feels like I am scared. Also I have so much plans and dreams and I feel like I don't have freedom to do it or else it causes of losing him.

We both actually find each other boring but we still love each other and keep trying to make our relationship works. But I believe if I started to freely open up myself and start to do thing that I really want and make him a part of it.. he would feel different in our relationship. I want to get him back to straighten up something and do thind I missed to do that I know he is longing for it. It might sounds strange but it's all about love and I know he does love me just so stubborn accepting it because I am expecting different ways I was used to from my past relationship which is crazy because we have individual differences. I want us to be happy and I am sure it's going to start with me. Maybe I am seeking answers how to get him back only.. maybe it's crazy but that's how it is at moment. I know thing would be different I guess sooner but I want him back. Some people can't understand that but I am so determined to do it. I feel like doing it.

Anyway thank you very much guys for the rest of the other answers I've got I really appreciate them. But at moment I am seeking ways to get him back not right away but soon. I know I have to give him space for a while. You might call me crazy. Maybe I am

[talaniman]

No communication, no relationship. Learn to communicate, and work together.