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talaniman · Jul 28, 2007, 01:00 PM

Sorry I went back to some of your other posts to get a clearer picture
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=1615076
And I really think you need to back away from this unhealthy situation, as you don't need the aggravation or drama, and could be better served by getting healthy, by being happy without a relationship, if that's what you call the drama with this guy and his friends.

xxsamxx110 · Jul 28, 2007, 01:19 PM

He called me when he got out of hospital thank god. He hasn't spoken to the 'friend' so far, which is annoying her and is therefore asking me to keep her updated. I don't think he would cheat on me and he did tell her not to say something's. My main problem is her and the things she says to me. If she was not involved I think it could work a lot better. But I can't do that can I. I don't want to end it he means a lot to me and I believe him when he tells me I mean a lot to him. I know he has problems with the panic attacks I just don't want them in the way.

GlindaofOz · Jul 28, 2007, 06:13 PM

Originally Posted by xxsamxx110

he called me when he got out of hospital thank god. he hasnt spoken to the 'friend' so far, which is annoying her and is therefore asking me to keep her updated. i dont think he would cheat on me and he did tell her not to say something. my main problem is her and the things she says to me. if she was not involved i think it could work alot better. but i can't do that can i. i dont want to end it he means alot to me and i believe him when he tells me i mean alot to him. i know he has problems with the panic attacks i just dont want them in the way.

Again, not to be harsh, I don't think you mean a lot to him. He is acting like someone who does not care about your feelings. He is not treating you with respect. This guy makes you feel bad about yourself, what's so great about him? You are only a few months in and it is easy to get out now. You have no reason to stick around with some guy who shuts you out of his life. If someone shuts you out and treats as if you do not matter a few months in it will only get worse from here.

If every time he mistreats you and you don't say anything he thinks its fine to treat you like you don't matter. If you didn't let him and say I'm sorry I don't deserve to be shut out of your life and mistreated I don't think this is going to work.

You are young and there is no reason for you to attach yourself to some loser when you can do so much better.

xxsamxx110 · Jul 29, 2007, 02:31 AM

xxsamxx110 disagrees: he wouldn't cheat and I know they arent together, she is having a child with someone else and even though she has admitted that she fancies him he has told her he doesn't fancy her. Besides she lives nowhere near us.
To be honest I don't want advice telling me to break up with him. That's far from what I want. I want advice on what do do about the 'friend' and if its me over reacting.

talaniman · Jul 29, 2007, 05:31 AM

You can spin your story any way you want, but he is not as into you, as you are him. It's a big red flag when his friends harrass you and nothing is done about it from him. Nothing effective, so what does that tell you??

xxsamxx110 · Jul 29, 2007, 07:12 AM

What do you mean 'You may be in denial because of a lack of knowledge'? I'm not spinning my story I'm telling it as it happens and as I see it. The friend is meant to be a mutal friend. My boyfriend has told her to stop saying something's but what can he do if she doesn't stop or he doesn't hear what is said to me?

bex12210 · Jul 29, 2007, 07:34 AM

Hey you are not a bad girlfriend to him and his so-called 'friend' sounds like she is stirring things up nxt time she texts ask her politely to stop txting u. your boyfriend is in the wrong for confiding in her instead of you maybe you should say nxt time anything happens to him for him to tell you what is happening properly else u'll be worrying about him all the time hope it works out for you and I haven't given you the wrong advice goodluck

xxsamxx110 · Jul 29, 2007, 08:24 AM

Stonewilder agrees: If you ask her she would say he is her boyfriend, but I don't think he would say she is his girlfriend.

She doesn't say that he is her boyfriend, she has a boyfriend and is living with and having his child. My boyfriend has never been with her. I don't think she likes the relationship I have with him and so she tells me things and makes me feel bad and tells my boyfriend she hasn't said anything and is happy for us and wants us to be happy. Only I don't get that impression.

GlindaofOz · Jul 29, 2007, 08:27 AM

Originally Posted by xxsamxx110

xxsamxx110 disagrees: he wouldnt cheat and i know they arent together, she is having a child with someone else and even though she has admitted that she fancies him he has told her he doesnt fancy her. besides she lives nowhere near us.
to be honest i dont want advice telling me to break up with him. thats far from what i want. i want advice on what do do about the 'friend' and if its me over reacting.

Look you are the one on here moaning on and on about how badly your boyfriend treats you. Maybe you need to wake up and see the situation as all of these third party people do. This guy treats you like crap. He disappears, only confides in this friend, shuts you out of his life all of this after dating for a few months? Come on. Do you really believe that you deserve to be treated like this? If you do then stop bothering asking for advice that you are not going to take. BTW just because this girl is with someone else does not mean that she wouldn't leave that person if your boyfriend showed the slightest interest. All of us on here are trying to HELP you. Stop hindering yourself.

SnaveLeber · Jul 29, 2007, 09:24 AM

Don't worry about being a good girlfriend at this point he is a bad boyfriend and has no concern over you. Leave him and find someone else

Haplo · Jul 30, 2007, 09:11 AM

I'm still confused as to why you don't just drive over there and see him. Why all this conversation with this other girl is happening between you and she and why you're allowing her to dictate the actions and terms in your relationship him.

Tell her to stfu, get in your car and go over and say hi to your guy. If he flips out about, then why would you want to be with someone who gets angry with you for coming to see him after he was hospitalized?

xxsamxx110 · Jul 30, 2007, 11:45 AM

He doesn't want to see me yet and as he put it doesn't want me to see him in a mess. He has told me he wants to see me soon as he misses me. She is meant to be a mate to us both. She is more then 200 miles away and my boyfriend doesn't show an interest to her in that way and has told her that. What is stfu? We spoke last night for awhile and we seem OK and he has apologised and explained to me what has happened and what he has been thinking. The friend admitted that he really only sent one text about an hour or more after he told me, but only one he asked her why she made out that he had texted her a lot. I don't want to find someone else I want it to work with my boyfriend.

Haplo · Jul 30, 2007, 01:08 PM

Originally Posted by xxsamxx110

he doesnt want to see me yet and as he put it doesnt want me to see him in a mess. he has told me he wants to see me soon as he misses me. she is meant to be a mate to us both. she is more then 200 miles away and my boyfriend doesnt show an interest to her in that way and has told her that. what is stfu?? we spoke last night for awhile and we seem ok and he has apologised and explained to me what has happened and what he has been thinking. the friend admitted that he really only sent one txt about an hour or more after he told me, but only one he asked her why she made out that he had texted her alot. i dont want to find someone else i want it to work with my boyfriend.

I don't think you need to find someone else, I think you just need to take some action. You don't always have to do what your boyfriend wants. Sometimes you need to meet your needs too.

Personally, if I were you, I would drive over there against his objections. Let him get angry and then point out exactly how stupid is anger is (if he does get angry).

"So let me get this straight, you went to the hospital and I was SO concerned about you and your health that I rushed over here and you're mad at me because of it?"

If that happens at all. Every guy needs a good slap (metaphorically or physically) from time to time, trust me, I know... I'm a guy. I can think of plenty of times where my girlfriend did exactly what I didn't want her to do and it was great!

Stand up for yourself! Stand up for your relationship! Stand up for him!

nicespringgirl · Jul 30, 2007, 01:12 PM

Originally Posted by Haplo

Stand up for yourself! !

For a woman that the most important thing you need to learn is to STAND UP FOR Yourself!
Not just in relationship... :cool:

Haplo · Jul 30, 2007, 01:22 PM

If you need further incentive, think about what he's said to you. He doesn't want you to see him like he is. Why? Well, generally people don't want to be seen when they feel ugly. I would imagine he doesn't want you to think he's all nasty and mussy and dirty and an all around mess. Do you care? Personally with every woman I've dated I thought they looked the best when they thought they looked the worst. Does this hold true for you?

If so, get off the freaking computer, get in your car, and go. And tell him when you get there that he's great and awesome and you love him and it doesn't matter that he's a mess and he's just going to have to get over it.

PS. STFU - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (you asked what it meant :))

xxsamxx110 · Jul 30, 2007, 01:31 PM

Well I'm talking to him at the minute and is going to come to mine tomorrow. Hopefully it will be OK and we will get sorted. Going to try and explain to him so he knows what I want from us as a couple and try to get the friend less involved. I'm not good at standing up for myself in any situation and never have been. Does this sound any good. Don't suppose anyone has any god tips for me to help my boyfriend when he has a panic attack.
Thanks

talaniman · Jul 30, 2007, 06:06 PM

he doesn't want to see me yet and as he put it doesn't want me to see him in a mess.

That is nothing but bull, and he can't tell you what to do! You really need to check him on this quick. You are his love interest and you can't express it by being there??

xxsamxx110 · Aug 29, 2007, 02:15 PM

Well I'm sure some of you will have read my previous posts. Anyway this is sort of carrying on. Basically I'm having a few problems of my own e.g. very ill grandad in hospital. Going back to work..

Well me and my boyfriend haven't as such been arguing but not getting on as well such as not talking much or seeing much of each other. Well my problem is now that I don't know where I stand with him or how he see us as a couple. The other problem yet again is the 'friend'. My boyfriend knows how I feel. Well she has stopped texting me etc and now only him. Well this gets to me and I want it to stop but I know I can't decide who he can be friends with. It just makes me feel awful. Its not like a one of text its constant texts all day most days. My boyfriend doesn't always reply but does sometimes. e.g. not had credit for a week or 2 and now tops it up and first to text is her and its none stop again.

I don't know how to deal with this without appearing to be the possessive jealous girlfriend. Just feel left out and unsure of what to do. I love my boyfriend and I think he loves me. I do NOT want to end it I just want to get these things sorted. Any advice much appricated. Thanks

redaphid · Aug 29, 2007, 02:16 PM

Don't do it.

tpreyer · Aug 29, 2007, 03:22 PM

Just because you want to know that your boyfriend is faithful don't mean your possessive or jealous.
You have the right to know what's going on he's not in the relationship by himself you know.
You deserve to know the truth before you assume and just break up with him. If you have to snoop just don't get caught.