Check out some similar questions!

Wildcat21 · Oct 31, 2005, 09:02 PM

I am glad you see that she is TOTALLY PLAYING YOU. IF she cared a dam she would have never cheated on you.

This hot is cold is just to F with you.

She's mad she doesn't have control of you.

Please don't talk with this woman for MONTHS!! Please.

She has SO MUCH groweing up to do.

You can NEVER trust this woman - ever. She broke the trust.

Woman who cheat have really low self esteem.

jeffatl · Oct 31, 2005, 10:27 PM

I think I am seeing that now. She hs had control over me for pretty much our whole relationship, and I HATE that. She manipulated me, my frineds, my family, and her family itno thinking that I was not a good boyfriend to her, but I know that's not true. She does need to grow up BIG TIME, and I think this might be the time for her to do that, but I don't want to be around for mer to manipulate me into taking her back. I just hope I can be strong when she does try and wiggle her way back into her life. This sucks...

momincali · Nov 1, 2005, 12:14 AM

Jeff-
Seriously, you should have been expecting this kind of call from her, you know her best. She seems pretty predictable and you're right, pretty damn manipulative. Manipulative people have trouble being accountable for their own actions. She cheated on you, lied to you and then is angry you don't trust her. She tries to paint you as the bad guy because otherwise she would have to blame herself for what's going on. The scary part about manipulative people is that many times you won't realize you're being manipulated until it's too late. Who needs that? There's a book, it's called "Wolf in Sheeps Clothing", read it.

She's also abusive and I think that's what bothers me the most. She takes advantage of the fact that you're still hung up on her and she uses that to gain power. She can still upset you and that's powerful, it makes her feel good. Sounds kind of sick huh. :confused:

She needs some serious maturing and fighting with her and telling her what she already knows about herself is not going to change her, nothing will. Not you or your "love" for her, nothing.

Keep your distance in every aspect, physically, emotionally... and DON'T ANSWER HER EMAILS OR PHONE CALLS. It takes two to fight, no contact, no fight. She is bad news, don't forget that. Get busy, have FUN, remember what that was?? The girl of your dreams is out there, don't keep her waiting, that's rude.

And I wouldn't bother wearing the rubber band around your wrist to snap, that's obviously not working, try carrying a 10 pound weight and dropping it on your toes! Take back your life, don't let her ruin this time for you, she's a nutjob. :mad:

Remember: "...acts like a baby crying for you when you're not, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night, only comes home to eat and sleep and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his (her) happiness,

Then my friend, buy a cat!

Jeff, you're not a cat person are you??

P.S. NO, you shouldn't have been reading her emails, what's the point? To learn more about what you already suspected. If you're looking for ways to hurt yourself just drop that weight on your toe, I'm telling you.

Wildcat21 · Nov 1, 2005, 08:17 AM

Jeff - seriously, I don't know if I have ever seen a woman treat a man worse than your gal. And the crap you put up with. I mention this because...

WAIT until you meet that special gal who treats you right and really wants to be

I think this was a good experience for you - build barriers, don't trust as much, STOP giving everything - relatiohsips are give and take.

You need respect and trust. She NEVER, ever trusted you - she took you for granted as she was running around with other guys. You will never be able to trust her.

" The scary part about manipulative people is that many times you won't realize you're being manipulated until it's too late." Exactly - happened to me once.

Chery · Nov 1, 2005, 08:38 AM

Jeff, momincali is right. You are so much into pain and redicule right now that you don't know which end is up. Stop being masochistic toward yourself. You say this sucks... but you still look for that hole to drop into and you are finding it. If you are into pain, pay for it, without emotions. At least that will give you more pleasure than she ever did. Are you into tennis - watching those dumb balls bounce back and forth? Go out and play a few games, and you choose to the bounce, direction and speed of the balls from now on, as well as those bouncy emotions in your life. You need something that will really make you use all your stocked up energy - vent it in the gym, swimming, anything that will make you tired enough to get a good night's sleep without her as the last thought before you drop off. Have you started that 'book of life' ledger I suggested? Wright into it each night when you have time. Believe me, you'll get a good laugh out of it a few months from now. Please stop hurting yourself, she does a good job of it for you, so you don't need to do it. Come on, get back on the road to recovery and put your life back into your own hands. You know we will be here to get you back on if you steer wrong, but do some of it yourself and get stronger. A suggestion - think of her as a machine from now on and there is an OFF switch, so use it and tell her to leave you alone.

jeffatl · Nov 2, 2005, 06:41 PM

I am, I feel A lot better know that we haven't talked for about 2 weeks now. Things are picking up for me, and I feel a lot better about myself now. Don't worry about me guys, I am doing much better with the whole break up thing. I know SHE will miss out on ME, NOT the other way around. I am seeing through her manipulation and lies. She doesn't control me anymore, and to be honest, I don't even want to talk to her. She can do whatever she wants now, we are not going out anymore, so I don't have to worry about it! It really is a BIG relief to not have to wonder who she is with or what she is doing all the time. I will find someone that will treat me the way I deserve to be treated. She doesn't deserve me! :cool:

Chery · Nov 2, 2005, 07:50 PM

Good for you. We told you that it will take a while to heal and get your self-respect back. You're not off the hook yet, so keep us posted, especially when you feel yourself dropping again. The next time, I want to hear some more positive news from you- keep at it.

jeffatl · Nov 2, 2005, 07:56 PM

Thanks a lot guys, it is really difficult at first to come on here and "spill" and really take things to heart because you don't always get what you want to hear, but I think that is important because it sometimes takes a 3rd party to really get the whole picture on things. I won't go far, I will stick around and try and help people in my situation, its funny, I am a psychology student going into my last year specializing in relationship coucelling... ;) Weird. I think this situation will be really good for me in the long run, it will make me a very strong person. I know I will still have some hard days, but I am done with the denial part and am really seeing things for what they are. The rose colored glasses are off, now I just need to get rid of these grey ones! :cool:

Chery · Nov 2, 2005, 08:28 PM

As a former student myself, you learn a lot better through 'personal experience' than just books - now it depends on you what you do with the knowledge.
And you cannot expect others to 'spill' to you if you feel inhibited in doing so yourself. That would not be a good example.

;)

jeffatl · Nov 3, 2005, 02:44 PM

I agree, I feel like I am pretty much an open book. There is nothing in my life that I feel I am not willing to talk about. I want to help people and give something back. I have learned A lot about myself over the past few months and MOST of it is good. I am getting better, but I still miss her. Not talking has been a BIG help (been about 2 weeks) I don't have to worry about anything now. Thaknks for the help guys, I will keep you posted.

jeffatl · Nov 6, 2005, 07:39 PM

UPDATE: She is now dating someone else... I must say that it does suck, I tought that she would at least be "single" for a while longer than 3 months after a 5 year relationship. I am not as broken up about it as I thought I would be. ADDED NOTE: He lives close to where she is going to school at... very lame. This is a guy that she was talking to via email for a while and I questioned her intentions about this about a year ago. Funny, my gut has ALWAYS been right with this girl. Don't worry, I will be just fine guys!

momincali · Nov 6, 2005, 11:34 PM

I know you THINK it sucks right now but it really doesn't. No more games, no more lies, no more manipulation in your life. True freedom to do as you please. Date with no remorse or wonder if she may find out and if it would ruin your chances with her. I don't think that sucks too much, I just feel for the new guy and the ride he's about to take. Whew! You can wipe the sweat off your forehead now. Don't know if you're a Kelly Clarkson fan but think of her song
"Since you been gone" But since you been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so moving on,
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you,
Now I get
What I want
Since you been gone... ;)

one_life · Nov 7, 2005, 12:36 AM

Originally Posted by jeffatl

UPDATE: She is now dating someone else........I must say that it does suck, I tought that she would at least be "single" for a while longer than 3 months after a 5 year relationship. I am not as broken up about it as I thought I would be. ADDED NOTE: He lives close to where she is going to school at.......very lame. This is a guy that she was talking to via email for a while and I questioned her intentions about this about a year ago. Funny, my gut has ALWAYS been right with this girl. Dont worry, I will be just fine guys!

Some people are too insecure and need a relationship to make them feel worth while. They can't stand being alone. Your ex sounds like one of these people.

Chery · Nov 7, 2005, 04:40 AM

Some of us jump right back in, and some of us take longer, but at least you have learned to deal with something that happens to all of us and probably not only once in our lives. So listen to your 'gut feelings' and go out, feel free and have fun.

I told you the next news I want to hear from you is good news, so make it.

Keep us posted, dear and you'll do just fine..

jeffatl · Nov 8, 2005, 05:20 PM

Ok, she called tonight (first time we have talked in 3 weeks) and I talked to her for like 2 min. She said she is moving on Monday and all I really said was "thats cool". I didn't say anything about her new guy (she knows I know about him). I just asked her how her family was doing and all and told her to have fun at her new school. I ended the conversation by saying "well, I will talk to you later". It was an akward conversation, but I just made sure I sounded like I really didn't care about anything. She tried to pull that soft voice crap, but I didn't buy it. I am glad she is leaving so soon, I feel freedom coming my way! :cool:

one_life · Nov 8, 2005, 06:41 PM

Originally Posted by jeffatl

Ok, she called tonight (first time we have talked in 3 weeks) and I talked to her for like 2 min. She said she is moving on Monday and all I really said was "thats cool". I didnt say anything about her new guy (she knows I know about him). I just asked her how her family was doing and all and told her to have fun at her new school. I ended the conversation by saying "well, I will talk to you later". It was an akward conversation, but I just made sure I sounded like I really didnt care about anything. She tried to pull that soft voice crap, but I didnt buy it. I am glad she is leaving so soon, I feel freedom comming my way! :cool:

As you know already, they'll call, only when they want to play their games. In my case, the only time my ex called me after the breakup is when she wanted to find out something about me. Never to just sencerily say hello or find out if I'm doing well.

Don't let her mind games get to you. Good thing she is moving away. That will make you forget about her sooner. In my ****ing case, she works at my place and I have to deal with it. The **** she put me through these past months and till this day. I'm getting panic attacks due to the stress I'm facing.

jeffatl · Nov 8, 2005, 07:15 PM

Yea, that's what I am starting to catch on too... the thing is, I am just really glad she is leaving, you know... "out of sight, out of mind". PLUS- I have another date this Friday... hope this one goes a little better :confused:

Chery · Nov 10, 2005, 07:39 AM

Originally Posted by jeffatl

Yea, thats what I am starting to catch on too......the thing is, I am just really glad she is leaving, you know...."out of sight, out of mind". PLUS- I have another date this friday......hope this one goes a little better :confused:

Yes, out of site, out of mind is a good thought, but some things in life have to be faced head on and taken care of to close the chapter - don't take the baggage on with you to the next relationships and don't ever compare! Keep us posted.

Wildcat21 · Nov 10, 2005, 08:24 AM

Both you guys make sure you've learned from this.

No give yourself up to these women completely - no surrending. Be caucious because they WILL walk all over you. They will walk all over you. Build barriers - have your own tests.

Learn to say NO! Learn to have a spine.

You guys are busy guys and can't always be there for them.

jeffatl · Nov 13, 2005, 07:10 PM

Ok, don't know why this really matter (I guess this will just add to my list of crappy things this girl has done to me). She is leaving tomorrow to go off to school, and she didn't even call to say goodbye to me. This just really pisses me off! Not even a goodbye? What! I just can't wait until she is FINALLY gone, I am enraged on how someone you spent 5 years with and says "you are my best friend" would not even have the respect to say goodbye to you. :mad: