[linplo]

Hi everyone...
My name is Lindsey I am new to this site. I have a few issues in my life that I would like some advice on.
It's a long story. My son is 3 1/2 his father and I were together for about 3 months after he was born. He went to jail on and off and eventually went to prison ( loser I know)
I have always asked him to change his last name to mine, be wouldn't. Recently I spoke with him and he said he would, but then wrote me saying he would not.
I have spoke to lawyers, and looked everywhere on the internet. I didn't realize that it would be so difficult to do something so simple. Paterity has been established, even though it doesn't mean much he hasn't seen his son in a year. My son doesn't even know who he is. I just really want him out of our lives for good but can not get around anything. Please help!!

[chris_in_orbit]

It seems like you want to get this man out of you and your son's life to protect your son from bad influences. What kind of things has he been doing that has put him in jail all those times?
This might be some advice that you choose not to follow but in my opinion I don't believe you should keep this man out of his son's life altogether. That is probably why he refuses to let you change his son's last name; its probably the only thing that gives him any contact with you/his son.
Remember every child needs a mother and father figure. This is true especially for a young boy who needs a male influence in his life. I would suggest sitting down with this guy and putting everything on the table. Tell him you will allow him to be with his son if he changes his criminal streak and if he allows you to change the child's last name.
Now if you see him badly influencing your child then that is when you need to cut off ties. I would hate for this child not to get a chance to know his father otherwise...

[linplo]

He was put in jail for seriously everything. He also has another child that. His other child will be 5 in a few months and has probably only seen him 6 times. He has a really bad drinking problem. He truly doesn't care about anyone but himself. I totally agree with you that a child needs a mother and a father, however I feel I would not be a good mother letting my child grow up around his bad behaviors. I did try to be with him and make things work, he is not the type of person that you can just be friends with. He is a very mean and violent person. He killed someone due to his drinking and I just do not feel he should be in my sons life. He has no morals. I do not trust him at all. I have seen how he is around are son and the way he treats him. I just do not like the thought of my son being in his care.

[lacuran8626]

Petition the court to terminate his rights, or ask the father to terminate his rights. With that done, you can name the child whatever you like.

Be mindful that if you do this you will jeopordize the opportunity to petition the court for child support in the future. If he's a criminal and not a productive person, you aren't losing out on anything anyway. Dad might be willing to terminate rights in exchange for being let off the hook on child support payments.

[linplo]

It's not that easy. Like I've said I have viewed what I believe are all the option. Him signing his rights away is "not" at this time an option. In the courts they say a child needs a father and a mother... he may be a bad person now but who's to say down the road he won't change?? That's is how they look at it. There is no one in my life to take over a father role for my son.
Like I said something that sounds so simple... changing a name is very difficult. I feel as if I will not win with this one. I made the biggest mistake and now I have to live with it. The other option is to wait until he is 18 when he can legally do it on his own... however by then it would be too late:(