[Adriana101]

Hello I have a 6month old son his father and I split because he was to into his computer games and drugs he lives at home with his mom and I live on my own, my son stays with me never leaves my side. I sometimes take him to his grandmothers house to spend a night but of corse it has to be when the grandma has a day off now remember that his dad lives at home with her. So anyway he recently left his job and is not doing anything useful with his life I think he is still doing drugs month he tells me he doesn't. I don't wish to get child support from him because ill feel like if I'm takeing it away from his mom I hope you know what I mean. I would like to get full custody of my boy and visitation rights for his father will that be OK ? And what if he isn't to happy with the visiting days what will happen? Please help I'm scared of losing the only thing I got in the world thanks

[carolh]

Hello i have a 6month old son his father and i split because he was to into his computer games and drugs he lives at home with his mom and i live on my own, my son stays with me never leaves my side. i sometimes take him to his grandmothers house to spend a night but of corse it has to be when the grandma has a day off now remember that his dad lives at home with her. So anyways he recently left his job and is not doing anything useful with his life i think he is still doing drugs month he tells me he doesnt. I dont wish to get child support from him because ill feel like if im takeing it away from his mom i hope you know what i mean. i would like to get full custody of my boy and visitation rights for his father will that be ok ? and what if he isnt to happy with the visiting days what will happen? please help im scared of losing the only thing i got in the world thanks

What state are you in? To go through a custody battle in some states, it is very difficult to get full custody. They are more favorable to joint custody. The courts will have you and your husband agree on a visitation schedule.

[ScottGem]

First, was nothing setup by Family Services when the child was born? If not, you need to go to Family Court and petition for a custody arrangement. Next you have to understand there are two parts to Custody, physical and jurisdictional. Physical custody means where the child lives. You can probably get full physical custody with visitation rights for the father. Jurisdictional custody refers to parental rights in how the child is raised. Here you would probably get joint custody.

As for child support. If you can manage without it and don't want the father to have to pay, that's up to you. But if you need public assistance, then the social services agency will require you to go after him.

[grandhaiku]

Adriana... It doesn't sound like you will ever get much child support but you need to file for it. The only important thing is that the child is taken care of and you need that money to help do that. He is the Father, he needs to take the responsibility to help take care of the child. ScottGem is correct about Social Services. They will make you go after him if you need SS assistance to make it. Start your divorce proceedings. They will most like assign a counselor to assist you in drawing up an agreement for child support and visitation that is acceptable to both of you.

[NowWhat]

I am not sure about this, but I don't think the court would allow a father NOT to pay support.
You can be more flexible with the visitation schedule. I would have everything go through the court - because hopefully this guy will get his act together someday and something needs to be in place.

[karent23]

If the father is on drugs, has no job, and lives with his mom I don't think you have to worry about not getting full custody.

As to child support, my aunt never asked for child support from the father of her child because she didn't want him to try and get custody later on down the road. If the court see's where he is making an effort they will work with him, but you don't have to worry about losing custody. Also you need to keep track of things. Like when he does see your son, is it because you take him over there or does he come to you?

[Fr_Chuck]

Ok, if you do not have a child custody agreement in place right now, the father has more rights to do what he wants since he has legal rights as the father, ( since there is nothing in writing)
So if you want to be scared be scared not having something, not filing.
If you can prove is he on drugs and the such, even visits can be restricted at least to supervised.

But you need to file for legal custody of the child, ( physcial custody) and set up visitation, of course the father can say what he wants, ( if he wants to or even shows up)

But you do need to ( and most likely they court will set it up even if you don't want ti) the child support, it is not YOUR money it is the child's money and it is the fathers responsibility to pay. And if you ever get state assistance, the state requires he pay them to repay the assistance.

[1badchoice]

All of these answers seem to ignore the facts you have listed. You were never married to the father... correct? Is his name on the birth certificate? Your allowing the child to stay with grandma is really going to be viewed as the child visiting the father. No court will see it otherwise. Even though he is the father... he doesn't automatically get rights. He would have to take you to court. Kind of like... the judge may hold someone in contempt of court if they don't do what he says but only if someone petitions the court to hold you in contempt. Basically, only a judge is able to make you let him see the child, etc. If he has no money, desire, initiative to take you to court he will get no rights other than what you allow. Be aware that whatever you allow now will (if taken to court) be viewed by the judge either favorably or unfavorably. In order to protect your rights you should go to child support enforcement to begin the process of establishing child support amount. This will also establish paternity and that you automatically have physical custody. Even though you don't want to hurt grandma you have to protect your custody and the child's rights. His lack of support will just pile up and show how ineffective he is as a parent. If you get money you could always put it in savings for the child. Ultimately, protecting your rights and establishing that you have the child is the most important thing to do. Like I said, without him taking you to court he can't do anything about visitation. Hope this isn't too confusing. Been to court many times over custody in 2 different states. Good luck. Cathy