[fightn_tha_goodfight]

I need advice about a 8 year old step-on that is a lot smarter than his mom thinks he is. I am a GOD fearing man that lives by standards and respect for others, so how can I get my point across to my step-son to be respectful without my wife giving me a soar eye for being hard on him (not yelling or hitting in no shape). He plays to my wife's soft spot and will put on a act better that anyone I ever seen. Help me restore order in my house and help this child grow up with some ethics. S.O.S

[rankrank55]

I would just sit him down and have a heart to heart talk to him about his behavior and about how you think he is a great kid but he needs to work on a few things. Of course, you should speak with his mother before doing this to ensure she is okay with the situation. There is no better way for you as a step-parent to gain the child's trust and respect but by showing the child that you love him and really have his best interest in mind. Give him a reason to look up to you and he will more than likely start modeling you behavior. Maybe you should take on a few step-dad/son trips like fishing or bike riding where you can get a chance to talk. For children, divorce is a time of confusion, uncertainty and heartache so right now he is probably going through a little bit of a power struggle. The best thing you can do is show him and his mother that you love and care about him and that you want to see him grow up to be a great, happy person.

[Wondergirl]

A step-parent has to walk carefully when it comes to disciplining the spouse's child/children. He/she is not the biological parent, so this could get confusing if not handled correctly, if either of the biological parents disagree with how the step-parent disciplines.

If the spouse agrees that the step-parent can discipline, then the two parents should map out a plan of rules and consequences if the rules are broken. The parents must decide if there will be an autocracy (parents rule and kids have nothing to say) or a democracy (kids can put in their two cents and the parents will take that into consideration, e.g. kids can suggest their own punishment). THEN, once the parents are on the same page, they should sit down with the child/children and have a family meeting to discuss The Plan.

[rankrank55]

Why thank you AkaeTrue; I know how it feels to be the child in that situation.

[AKaeTrue]

It would be wise to be on the same page with the mother.

I really love the idea about spending quality time with your step-son like rankrank55 suggested.
His bad behavior could very well be due to a power struggle.
If he knows 100% without a doubt that you are there to love and care
For him as well as his mother, you both may gain the respect wanted instead of having to discipline for it.

It may also cut down the feeling that he has to play on his mothers soft spots...

[Wondergirl]

Rankrank is correct in a normal two-biological-parent or even a step situation, but this one doesn't sound normal to me (yet). The step-dad is opposed to how the mom is raising her child. He capitalized the word GOD, and I'm not sure what that means--that his way is God's way? Also, the step-dad mentioned "my house" which to me sounds a little suspicious as to how he thinks this family should be handled.

That's why I emphasized that the step-dad and mom should first get onto the same page as to discipline, punishments, consequences. Certainly the step-dad should build a good relationship with both mother and son by doing things with them together as well as separately.

I definitely would like to hear more from the step-dad.

[fightn_tha_goodfight]

Thanks all for your answers, and I will use them all to better my step-son and I relationship, GOD BLESS you all