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Chery · Oct 19, 2005, 07:07 PM

Good for you Jeff. I might not be as young as you, but I've been there, done that, and you too will gain from each future experience. Enjoy the gym and the rest of your life. Just look at all the people who are worse off than you right now all over the world.. Then you see another picture. Bless you...

momincali · Oct 19, 2005, 10:18 PM

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! I'm doing the happy dance right about now! I knew you could do it, it was just a question of would you? A BIG hug for you and we love you too, even Wildcat! :D

jeffatl · Oct 19, 2005, 10:21 PM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Easy Dude!

The gym is your best place to go. Hit the weights. When you leave every day she will be out of her mind. Things become clearer. Alcohol just really clouds things and for a few days - believe me I know.

I can't believe the crap you put up with this gal. I bet you tried to justify it.

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh!

When ever we are too nice to woman they pull this crap

I agree, this girl had me feeling like I was worthless, and I believed it. All my friends told me, "dude, she wasnt that nice to you" and I never saw it until now. I STILL miss her, but she will be gone and take all this CRAP with her, then I will breath again!

momincali · Oct 19, 2005, 10:25 PM

Jeff, you say you still miss her. I think you miss what she once was, or pretended to be. I think you miss the fun times and what you thought you had together. Now that you've seen the wolf under the sheeps clothing, can you still say you truly miss that? Melancholy feelings are normal, you almost feel empty, but now all that emptiness is begging for something positive to fill it and the gym is a really good start. You pulled through a really rough spot, you did good! ;)

clukkes · Oct 20, 2005, 06:31 PM

Jeff,
I was just reading through some stuff andcame up with a solution tog et ovet the girl...

Wear a rubberband around your wrist and eveytime you think of her snap it. It sounds painful but I can guarantee after 4-5 snaps you'll be over her because you don't want the snapping rubberband pain no more.

jeffatl · Oct 20, 2005, 06:47 PM

Pretty good idea, funny that you say that because this is what one of my buddies said, made me laugh. " If you start to think about what makes you sad simply bash yourself in the face a couple times. This will make you hate whatever your thinking about." A little more EXTREME, but funny! :D

Chery · Oct 20, 2005, 06:59 PM

They both are a good thing to think about when you get off the road to recovery. I hope you're still on it our momincali and I will take our hugs back. That will hurt too!

jeffatl · Oct 26, 2005, 10:23 PM

HAHA! You will be happy to know that "she" called me 3 times today and I din NOT pick up once! She let me a message on the 3rd call saying "I know you are mad at me baby, but I miss you so much, I can't stop tinking about you.......I love you......Im sorry I hurt you". This choked me up a bit, but I held strong and did NOT call back. I STILL miss her lying butt, and I know I have to be a man and not a "wuss". I still miss her (BOOOOOO!), but I am gaining my dignity back and don't really care about what she is doing. I feel a lot better today, but there are good days and bad. Pray for me please (if you pray) I would appreciate the help! :cool:

Wildcat21 · Oct 27, 2005, 07:55 AM

Dude - she cheated on you. At least three times. That's horrendous. There are so many better women out there. This is the worst kind. She doesn't understand a relationship, trust, RESPECT (she doesn't respect you), commitment.

Once a cheater - always a cheater - especially with women (the women here won't like that, but it's true - never seen it not that way). It's flaw in their gene. Let me guess - her parents divorced OR father was a massive cheater.

She's playing with you... although... see being LESS available = wanting by the other person. People want what hey can't have.

I think you're adiccted to her... you like the fact of the relationship... but don't see the forrest through the trees... she doesn't respect you... she literally abuses you... takes you for granted.

Get some confidence and self esteem and move on.

jeffatl · Oct 27, 2005, 10:51 PM

I think you are right. I can't figure out why in the hell I would want her back. She blames ALL of this crap on me, she is not nice anymore, she cheated on me, she is playing all kinds of games with me, and she can't think for herself. I don't know if I am in love with the idea of her, or the relationship anymore. There are all of these RED FLAGS telling me to hit the ground running and never look back, but there is some draw there that I can't get past. DAMN IT! I haven't called her in a week nor has she called me, and I sent her an email the other day telling her to do whatever she wants and that I just don't care anymore. I told her that SHE made a BIG mistake, and that I was done with all of her mid games, and mixed signals. I told her she needs to grow up and that she really took me for granted and she will see that soon enough. I told her I did everything I could to try and work things out but nothing did any good. I pretty much told her I was fed up with this crap and told her to do whatever she wanted. It was hard to send it, but I knew I had to just let go and find someone that will respect me and treat me right. As of now, I dotn really care what she does, I am just glad I did get out BEFORE I asked her to marry me. :rolleyes:

Chery · Oct 28, 2005, 03:26 AM

You are still on the road to recovery, thank goodness! Stay on it. Every loss hurts, even a fish, dog, or person, but we heal in time and go on with our lives, so you'll do just fine. By the way - the advice you gave Steph was good (I tried to tell her she was a clinger, but then she always was on the defensive toward me, so I'm glad a man said basically the same) - and you got my rating - you deserved that one! Keep it up, and help others along the way too since you are now one of 50 million of us who have been there, done that. I want to see more positive help from you for others in the future, as this will also continue to help your healing process.
TTFN

Wildcat21 · Oct 28, 2005, 07:07 AM

"She blames ALL of this crap on me" - BIGGEST RED FLAG IN THE WORLD!!

Ughhhhhhhhhh!! - that's abusive and manipulative!!

I think you're attracted to the relationship thing - which you need to start with another REAL woman. You're obsessed over her - you want to make thing right and they never will be - this gal has massive issues and she always will. You have in your mind the way things should be, but in reality they never will be that way.

momincali · Oct 28, 2005, 11:13 AM

You hit the nail on the head again Ms. Chery when you told Jeff that the best thing he could do would be to continue to help others as this would help him heal also. Jeff, you are coming along nicely. She knows she hurt you, she knows she's playing games with you (i.e. treating you like a Yo-Yo) and she knows most of all that she lost respect for you a long time ago. It's a fairy tale. Her calls are not worthy of a response. She's spam now babe. There are two reasons she wants your attention and forgiveness right now, 1.) It will make her feel better. She's trying to take a load off her shoulders. 2.) She is behaving like a spoiled brat. It's not an attractive feature in a 3 year old and it's certainly not an attractive feature in a 21 year old. When you truly take off those rose colored glasses it will be such a revelation, it's going to knock you to your core. Don't bother sending her emails, don't answer her calls or even open your door to her unless she's standing behind Ed McMahan. She's a used car salesman, full of baloney. Remember, the one who cares the least is the one who has the most power. At this age, your goal in dating a woman should be to find one who would make an awesome partner and mother to your children, a keeper(don't worry, I'm not trying to marry you off tomorrow or anything, but I'm sure it's entered your mind). You need a woman with character, remember what character is? Character is who you are when no one else is looking. She needs to knock your socks off because she is a phenominal woman. She needs to be the kind of woman you'd be proud to bring home to mom, even if your mom knew everything about her. She needs to be the kind of woman whose got your back, always, no matter how hard, how boring things get, she's there. She needs to be loving in the true sense of the word. Does that describe your ex? The audacity of her to blame and criticize you comes too late in the game. While you were together, would have been the right time for her to come to you and talk, let you know she needed certain things from you. She didn't do that. She went out and made herself feel better by being unfaithful to you and then lying to your face about it. Coming from a woman, that kind of behavior will never change. Her cheating was not an event, it was a pattern. You were right to thank your lucky stars that you did not marry or even propose to this female. She had no right, no matter how poorly your may have treated her, to behave this way. Any woman with self-worth and a spine would have left you a long time ago had it been so bad. I found this piece of advice for you ladies out there realizing that maybe you too have been acting a little like Jeff's ex:

If you want someone willing to make a fool of himself simply over the joy of seeing you...buy a dog.

If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never say it's not quite as good as his mother made it...buy a dog.

If you want someone always willing to go out at any hour, for as long and wherever you want...buy a dog.

If you want someone to scare away burglars without a lethal weapon ...buy a dog.

If you want someone who is content to get up on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores...buy a dog.

If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football and can sit next to you and watch a romantic movie...buy a dog.

If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to and loves you unconditionally, perpetually, regardless of how you treat him...buy a dog.

But on the other hand, if you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when you're home and acts like a baby crying for you when you're not, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night, only comes home to eat and sleep and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness,

Then my friend, buy a cat!

Smile Jeff, you're getting through this one day at a time... oh, and yes I do pray and will for you. ;)

Wildcat21 · Oct 28, 2005, 03:03 PM

Probably one of the best posts we have ever had here. Outstanding. Guys can learn MORE that than anyone - DON'T BE THE DOG!!

"Remember, the one who cares the least is the one who has the most power." - OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SO TRUE. But, you CAN care - just don't show so much - never wear your heart on your sleeve.

one_life · Oct 28, 2005, 06:48 PM

Be like me. Don't give a dame about what she does. She will do everything in her power to get your attention, then once she has it, she'll start those freaking mind games with you. Don't let her do that to you bro. Stand up to her and tell her to shove it where the sun don't shine. From what you described, she seems like a wack job. If I were you I'd leave her *** on the curve a long time ago (she gave you so many reasons to do that). I rather be alone for the rest of my life then spend one second with your girl.

It will take time to forget about her. Just take it one step at a time. Your young, there are many more wonderful women out there (not my ex lol).

momincali if you're a female, can I marry you. Pretty please. LOL

Chery · Oct 28, 2005, 08:32 PM

Originally Posted by one_life

Be like me. Don't give a dame about what she does. She will do everything in her power to get your attention, then once she has it, she'll start those freaking mind games with you. Don't let her do that to you bro. Stand up to her and tell her to shove it where the sun don't shine. From what you described, she seems like a wack job. If I were you I'd leave her *** on the curve a long time ago (she gave you so many reasons to do that). I rather be alone for the rest of my life then spend one second with your girl.

It will take time to forget about her. Just take it one step at a time. Your young, there are many more wonderful women out there (not my ex lol).

momincali if you're a female, can I marry you. pretty please. LOL

Sorry, but momincali is one of us... and she's good! Guess what, my cat does not go out cause he's too hooked on me, I got him trained instead of the other way around (well kind of... ) I really loved that post though..

I was not able to get into AskMe.. for 2 days and almost went crazy, my new IP helped me get in somehow, = NOW I KNOW I'M ADDICTED, and missed all you guys!

momincali · Oct 28, 2005, 10:43 PM

Nice to have you back Ms. Chery!! ;) Of course your male cat is hooked on you, who wouldn't be?? Oh, and one_life, I'm not just a female, I'm a Woman so get in line! LOL, no really, LOL :D

Chery · Oct 29, 2005, 04:43 AM

Thanks momincali - and please just call me Chery. The 'Ms' is for strangers, and I feel closer to you than that.. C.U. more on this forum! I guess you can tell I just love them there smilies!

one_life · Oct 29, 2005, 06:54 PM

Originally Posted by momincali

Nice to have ya back Ms. Chery!!! ;) Of course your male cat is hooked on you, who wouldn't be??? Oh, and one_life, I'm not just a female, I'm a Woman so get in line! LOL, no really, LOL :D

I know you are. The woman of my dreams. Lol

jeffatl · Oct 31, 2005, 05:17 PM

Ok, she called tonight and I didn't pick up. She left me a message saying she is really upset at me for looking at her messages and invading her privacy and all. She sadi that she is sorry that things had to end this way, but I will always hold the key to her heart. Then she said that she has been thinking about me a lot lately and that she will talk to me later. I am so sick of this back and forth crap guys... seriously. This chick is STILL trying to manipulate me by saying I HURT HER! What the hell is going on here LOL! She said she can't trust someone with her heart that looks into all of her private affairs. I don't get her, and I don't really care anymore. I get that I shouldn't have looked at her messages and all, but I feel like the ends justified the means. I think the only reason she is upset about it, is because she got busted doing something nasty and it makes her look bad. I really don't think she cares that she hurt me. I really wish she would just leave already. :confused: