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momtobe949 · Jun 22, 2007, 05:15 PM

For the past 10 weeks I was pregnant with my first baby, I had already named him (or her), but just two days ago my dream was taken from me I had a miscarriage. It began on Wednesday June 19 I had a bit of blood on my tp, nothing to really be worried about. As the day went on the blood began to flow so I made an appointment with my doctor, she said not to worry it was just spotting and send me home. The next morning I woke up with blood on my underwear, within in minutes my family doctor phoned and asked how I was doing, I explained everything to her and she said we need to get you into an ultrasound right way. So off I went to the hospital to have this ultrasound done, well just a few minutes into the exam I already new something was wrong, we couldn’t hear a heartbeat. As I drove away from the hospital my husband and I knew our baby had died, we drove to the doctor office and the doctor told us, I am so sorry there was no heartbeat it doesn’t look good you are having a miscarriage. I cried for hours and hours I can’t seem to stop blaming myself for everything that has happened. Has anyone gone through this?

danielnoahsmommy · Jun 22, 2007, 05:21 PM

So sorry for your loss.

Myth · Jun 22, 2007, 05:45 PM

First take a deep breath cause I'm sure you feel like you just got kicked in the chest. It isn't your fault at all. I know that your probably blaming yourself, and your not the only one who's gone through this. Many women have. I am not saying that we know what your going through. Truth is that we don't. It is different for everyone. It is something that happens. There are medical reasons of course. I however prefer to think that that little angel was needed elsewhere, I'm sure he was sorry that he had to go. You will always remember him and he will be watching over you, but now was not his time. I want you to know that you are loved and the next time you get pregnant that little one will have an angel watching over him, and you. Cry because you can and need to. We all need time to grieve after an event like this. Let others grieve with you. Don't shut yourself up. Don't dwell on it forever. Remember, but don't dwell. Keep him close to your heart and love him for the time you had. Take it one day at a time. Know there is always someone here to listen. *hugs*

momtobe949 · Jun 22, 2007, 07:32 PM

Thank you for that great answer you have already helped me, I just need sometime to heal and not feel so angry and hurt. All I can think about is how far along I was and how much hard work went into making this little angel. A part of me wants to try again right away and the other part just wants to wait for a year or two. I just don't know if I can go through that pain again.

Is it right for me to want to try to have a baby as soon as my bleeding stops?

J_9 · Jun 22, 2007, 07:36 PM

Hun, I too am so sorry for your loss. Understand though that you need to go through the grieving process. All of the steps and anger is just one of them. We all go through this. Although this is probably no consolation, feel blessed that you were only 10 weeks. Many women do not even know they are pregnant at 10 weeks when they experience a loss. Many, like my ex SIL have to go through labor and delivery at 8 months.

Yes, it is okay for you to want to try again when the bleeding stops, if your doctor says it is okay for you.

momtobe949 · Jun 22, 2007, 07:43 PM

Thanks J_9 that does make me feel better, I do know there are so many women out there that have to go through this at 2 weeks - 39 weeks; I don't think I could do it again. My doctor did say it was OK for me to try again; I am just scared how will I know if I am pregnant? She did say to me that it takes weeks before I have a negative pregnancy test again. So could I get pregnant again right now?

J_9 · Jun 22, 2007, 07:47 PM

I am glad you are starting to feel better. Believe me I understand grief. I recently had to make some end of life decisions.

Hun, you ask "how will I know if I am pregnant?" Well, how did you know this time? It will probably be the same.

Yes, it will take a few weeks to get a negative test. And, yes, you can get pregnant right now, but wouldn't you feel better taking a little time to grieve your loss?

How does your husband feel about all of this? Is he supportive?

Myth · Jun 22, 2007, 09:06 PM

Originally Posted by momtobe949

Thank you for that great answer you have already helped me, I just need sometime to heal and not feel so angry and hurt. All I can think about is how far along I was and how much hard work went into making this little angel. A part of me wants to try again right away and the other part just wants to wait for a year or two. I just don't know if I can go through that pain again.

Is it right for me to want to try to have a baby as soon as my bleeding stops?

Hun it's up to you when you and the hubby feel that it's time then you should try. Even trying is sometimes self defeating... Honestly I would wait a couple of months using protection of some sort just to make sure your body has healed enough. Then I would just loose the protection and let nature take it's course... If you "Try" you'll end up stressing yourself out and not get anywhere. By letting nature take it's course you actually have better chances. Everything that your feeling right now is normal. As time goes on you will know when your ready to see if it will happen again. For now let your body and your heart heal a bit. Only then will you be ready again.;)

momtobe949 · Jun 22, 2007, 09:52 PM

I do feel ready now and I am sure I could get pregnant really fast, I am just scared. My husband is all for it he wants to try right a way again. Here is a question will I be at a higher risk for having a miscarriage if I try right away again, rather then waiting a month or two?

momtobe949 · Jun 22, 2007, 09:54 PM

Thank you all for helping me out it has made a difference already I am glad I found this site. At least I know I have someone to talk to who has gone through the same thing as me, and I am not alone.

JoeCanada76 · Jun 22, 2007, 10:01 PM

Yes, My wife and I have gone through that with our very first baby as well. It was such a huge loss, hard to explain with words but let me tell you that it was not your fault and you had no control over something like that happening.

There is hope, Now we have a beautiful baby boy and he is almost 9 months old.

The doctor told us it is better to give it at least two months. That will give a chanch for everything to heal up and be stronger for the next pregnancy. Why take the chanch of getting pregnant so soon after your first miscarriage. In my opinion, and with our doctors advice we waited to make sure everything was healed up.

It took us 6 months of trying to become pregnant again.

Joe

JoeCanada76 · Jun 22, 2007, 10:01 PM

It was well worth the wait.

momtobe949 · Jun 22, 2007, 10:10 PM

I hope so I really want to stop feeling so empty all the time. I know it takes time, how long did it take you and your wife the first time to get pregnant if that's okay to ask?

See my husband and I only tried for a month and a bit

JoeCanada76 · Jun 22, 2007, 10:13 PM

The first pregnancy approximately took 6 months of trying.

She was 2 or 2 in a half months pregnant when we had the miscarriage.

Then we waited after she had two periods after the miscarriage and then took 6 months again.

momtobe949 · Jun 22, 2007, 10:39 PM

Oh okay I guess it is time just to wait and see what happends and hope for the best

momtobe949 · Jun 22, 2007, 10:41 PM

I have been trying to sleep and I can't I just can't seem to go to sleep. How many days are you supposed to bleed after or during your miscarriage? The bleeding has been lighter then the first two days but how long are you supposed to be in this pain?

JoeCanada76 · Jun 22, 2007, 10:45 PM

Well the pain situation is different for each women. My wife, actually did not experience much pain but she bled a lot and felt very weak and run down. I think she was bleeding approximately off and on for three weeks after the miscarriage. Like I said though it is different for each women.

Joe

JoeCanada76 · Jun 22, 2007, 10:48 PM

After the miscarriage they said it was normal for the bleeding. If it got too much and soaking a pad within a certain amount of time then we had to go back in, we also did an ultrasound after to make sure everything was cleared up. Like I said though each women heals up differently. I am not sure how long will it take for a regular period to come back.

What kind of pain are you having??

bekah876 · Jun 23, 2007, 08:42 AM

I am so sorry for you loss, yet I am so proud of you for your strength and courage. My mom had three miscarriages pretty far along in her pregnancy so I have always been fearful that I too will have miscarriages. You have provided me with some strength to know if it does happen I will be okay. You might feel weak and beaten up right now, but to me you strength is shining!! I believe a miscarriage is God's way of giving you the perfect baby. You will have the perfect baby!!

momtobe949 · Jun 23, 2007, 11:58 AM

Yes today is a better day, I have been able to keep food down and I have let a little smile out this morning. In no way am I over what happened but it is getting easier knowing that I have people to talk to. I've looked at the positive things in my life such as my husband, health, and a future baby. So thank you again to everyone who has helped.