[Lucky1406]

Lets see, where to begin. We have been going out for almost 6 years now. She has an anxiety problem that doesn't allow her to work, so she gets $600 a month from the state so that she can pay rent and food bills. I'm still living off my parents credit card, and from the money that I get from my job at Petco. I'm 23, and she's 22. We live in an apartment together, and have been doing great. But every once and a while we have these big fights. I know that everyone has them, but I just feel that she doesn't understand what I'm trying to say to her. I work4-5 days a week, and have class in the day, so that I'm always busy, and I'm tired when I come home. I work to have extra money to have around, so that we can buy things that we like, and so that we can take hiking trips and things. I'm going to College to get a degree to be able to get a job so that when she stops receiving money from the state, I will be able to take care of both of us with the income that I will be making. So to me, I'm spending all of this time at work, and at class for her, and our future life together. But where the problem lies, is that I don't feel that she is putting as much effort into the relationship as I am. She sleeps till 2pm everyday(she says that she tries to wake up, and that I need to help her, But she yells at me any time when I try to wake her up early, and I mean, really yells.) So when I've been out working since 5am, I come home to find her still asleep, and then I have to go to class later that night, and I'm thinking, If I'm gone to work for 14 hours out of the day, couldn't she try to at least clean up the house for at least half of the time that I'm gone? If she would clean for just 4 hours(one forth of my work and class days) we would have a sparkling house. But she doesn't.The house is a mess. I came home today, and picked up a full garbage can of trash(paper plates, boxes lying around, cups, dishes, papers on the floor, candy wrappers. And the floor wasn't even vacuumed. Its been at least a week since that's been done. And we live in a small place, 900 square feet, not much to clean. So I was in a huff, and started cleaning, I picked up the living room, and kitchen in less than 30 min. I asked her what she did today, and she said that she took the dogs for a walk(something that I like to do, as does she, so that really wasn't work), and that she cleaned up a little, even thought there were still dishes in the sink and counters, and paper plates all over the house(6 of them), and silverware on each plate. I don't think that I'm asking a lot, but she seems to think that I am.
Is it too much to ask that when I'm out working, that she be doing the same? Just working at the house? What do you think? If you have any questions about our relationship, please feel free to ask. I just feel like I'm always working, and that she's not. I feel like she has the easy life, and that I'm doing everything in the relationship. Also, when friends come over, or her family, she cleans the house spotless, and I mean spotless. But she won't seem to do it for me. So I know that she can do it...
I just don't know.Is it normal for the girlfriend to keep the house clean, while the guy goes out to make the money? And if it is, what do you do when the girlfriend considers it clean enough, but the boyfriend doesn't? And its not like I'm Mr. Clean, I just want the table to have enough room to eat at. When I cam home, there were dirty dishes left out on it, and a cook book for earlier that week, and trash, and other things scattered out on it. When I left for work at 5 this morning, I had to eat my meal on the couch because there wasn't room on the table.I don't really care if its clean, I just like the main areas picked up so that I can sit, and place my plate on the table without having to move stuff aside. There was no place of our coffee table as well, I had to do the same, move stuff aside to be able to eat there. I've told her my feelings, and she says that I just got mad today because of all of the stress at work. And that I'm just upset about nothing. She says that the house was clean when I got back, but that I'm just anal.(and yet I cleaned up so much, I guess none of that was trash?? 6 plates, 4 cups, 8 silverware, a bag of trash, picked up many many things off the floor) I just like a clean place, at least clean enough that we don't have to apoligise to friends when they come over. And she doesn't like having people over because she saythat the house is dirty!
What are ya'lls Ideas? Thanks.

[Jiser]

Put in the same as she is or talk honestly to her. Imagine a tug of war. Keep that string tight with equal pulling on both sides. If she pulls one way you pull back the other equally :P keep it tense!

[emopunk7]

Hire a maid...

[talaniman]

You have been together for 6 years, but how long have you been living together?

[Lucky1406]

About 3 years

[talaniman]

Unless you can sit down and express to each other, how you feel, and what you expect honestly and openly, with out hollering and screaming and pointing fingers and laying blame, or making demands, you will not be living together very long. A relationship is about working together, to solve your problems, in a way that benefits you both. That starts with honest communications and the willingness to compromise. I doubt if her sleep and cleaning habits are something new, and she does pay bills, buy food and pay rent, wow, that's a lot in my book. So 30 minutes to clean is nothing. Compromise, and that means sit calmly, and talk and listen, and so what if she gets up when she wants to. Sounds to me like if she didn't do what she does, you'd have a hard time doing what you do, so come down off the dominant male thing a few notches and treat each other as equals, and be willing to work together. Your both young, and pretty new at this, so be patient and talk and listen. Not easy as your parents made it look, is it? Its not the fun you have that makes partners grow together, but the obstacles you overcome. Questions?

[bushg]

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