[pulpfiction]

Hi all of you, I used to have a boyfriend, but we live in different countries, we were together for 4 years, and we were about to marry, though to be honest I wanted to marry sooner than what we planned, because the distance was getting too much for me, but when I told him to come his reply was: I won't leave my stability for your country, because it doesn't feel right.

So I have thought about many things and to be honest I know I will move on soon, because I need it, but I would like to know why he didn't have the courage to come and "get me"?it was supposed he was soooooo in love with me. I don't understand him. He put me in the last place always, even though he denies it, but he didn't use to phone me much, or come visiting me, sometimes he sent me flowers, even to my workplace, and paid attention to little details, but sometimes... I don't know

H... E... L... P...

[pulpfiction]

Someone... Adviceeeeee!!

[Kattalover]

Which countries are we talking about here? Who was going to move where? You to his country or he to yours? Do you speak each other's mother language?

[pulpfiction]

Hi, thanks for replying, the countries are Mexico and Ireland, and I speak very well english, though he doesn't speak spanish, the problem is I can't move now because I'm still studying I told him to move until I finish here, and then we would move to Ireland together. But he didn't want

[huno]

Well, it may be that he was not that in love with you to begin with; it seems to me that if he didn't call often, he probably didn't care--that's the least he could have done.

Why didn't he have the courage to come out and tell you? He may have been scared of the transition... Ireland to Mexico is a huge step; the two cultures are very different, two different languages, the distance is very long--you're asking him to step out of his comfort zone and into yours, and that's not an easy thing to do.

There could be other reasons. Maybe he was trying to decide if you were really the right person for him and he was being complacent. He may have been too comfortable.

There could be many things involved; you might just call him and ask.

--huno

P.S.: bueno, que pues? No hay mexicanos que te gustan? :p

[talaniman]

This could be a preview of your coming marriage.

[pulpfiction]

What u mean Talaniman?.

And huno... no, hay pocos que me gustan, meha ido mal con el producto nacional! Jejeje

[pulpfiction]

Anyone else?? :S

[Kattalover]

It is really hard to give advice without more input from you.

How old are you both? What are you studying? How much longer are you planning on going to college? When was the last time he visited you or you him? Does your boyfriend have a job in Ireland? What kind of work does he do? You say he doesn't speak Spanish, so - immigration issues aside - he probably couldn't get a job in your country. And what about both your families? Do they support you?

I met my husband in 1998 and moved to the States from Germany in 2000, so I know what it takes to maintain a long-distance relationship and also how big a step it is to move across continents. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to move across cultures and language barriers as well. It becomes even more difficult if your families don't support or, worse, resist your relationship.

[huno]

what u mean Talaniman?....

And huno... no, hay pocos que me gustan, meha ido mal con el producto nacional! jejeje

Hahaha...

Oh, wait--I mean, Jajaja...

Well, I have to tell you a little story. Last year I met a girl from Zacatecas (Mexico), and I fell in love with my cousin's best friend; she was beautiful, nice, sexy, intelligent, gorgeous, funny, attractive, kind, cute, and very cool.

She's also smokin' hot; not sure if I mentioned that.

Anyway, she got her Bachelor's degree in Zacatecas and then got her dentist's license, so not only was this girl smart and a hard worker, she made all other girls worldwide look like men with breasts. So my cousin got us together and we decided to start a relationship.

We tried to do the long-distance thing and the truth was it just wasn't working. I was losing interest in her because talking on the phone is just not the same as seeing her in person and talking to her. I also thought that, if this thing was going anywhere, it wouldn't matter--she didn't want to leave Mexico and I didn't want to leave the U.S. So I started to break it off and little by little I called her less. I called her a few weeks ago but it just didn't feel right. I might go back this December to visit my family and I'll go see her, just to see what happens, but I don't think anything's going to happen.

I know some couples do manage to pull this off, but it's just way too hard. At least, that's the way it was for me. I suspect your BF felt the same way. That's probably all there is to it.

[pulpfiction]

Hi Kattalover, thanks for your interest, the information is this: he has 2 jobs in Ireland, but he doesn't owe a house, so it would be the same if we rent an apartment here,I'm 23, he's 31, I'm studying journalism , I'm at the middle of the career(which I have started 3 times for different issues) and he knows it, and our families, yes they support us, he had been told to "go for the girl", his mum loves me, she gave him the ring of the family for him to give it to me, when I told him to come here, I said I would pay for the rent of the apartment.

Thanks for taking your time to reply this

[Kattalover]

Well, the only suggestions I can make at this point is to communicate honestly and openly about what you both want and what your plans are.

If neither of you is willing and/or able to move to the other's country within a mutually acceptable period, it might be better to end the relationship.

[talaniman]

Of course, he doesn't want his life interupted, while you get it together. He would be in limbo, and far out of his comfort zone. Forget the marriage, and him for a while, and accomplish your goals first and foremost. Then you would be free to make decisions based on your freedom, and what's good for you and your needs. As it is, you can't leave, and he doesn't want to, and you cannot make him. The reality of long distance relationship, and why they are so hard to maintain.

[pulpfiction]

Thanks to all of you! I will follow the advice :Forget about him. And yes huno, he has treated me bad.
I hope I have a better luck soon! Hehe

[emopunk7]

Wow... just like that a girl says forget about him... Makes me think, what do girls feel when they love... Oh this is so sad. Women love the same. It took a day for her to decide... AMAZING! I can't stand people anymore... lol

[pulpfiction]

emopunk7, to say that you should know all the things he has failed, but of course I won't tell them to you, especially here, I Love that guy, but I can see NOW, he has treated me bad, and he doesn't care anymore about me, so what's the point in keep wishing for a man who doesn't show interest in you?? It will be hard, of course, because the relationship last almost 4 years, but if he could tell me afterall: I won't come to Mexico and I won't give you your ring! why should I stay and stare how he hurts me?

I hope you are not so fast in judging people .
Thanks anyway for your reply

[talaniman]

I think you'll be much happier accomplishing your goals.

[pulpfiction]

Yes I will Talaniman =)

[diya]

Out of sight out of mind... that what most long distance relationships are. As for courage, not that he doesn't have it... it's just he's not bothered to tell... careless about how you feel... that's where it is... go on doing your work... if he needs he'll find out what you guys need to do... don't rackle your brain too much... hv fun minus that bum

[emopunk7]

I understand. You do what you have to. I found it strange how quickly you decided though. It's OK! Good Luck!