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Cinamon68 · Jan 8, 2007, 01:48 PM

I'll try to make this short. I was married for 16 years to my high school sweetheart. We had five children together. He died on July 7th, 2002. Six months after my husband died, I met my current husband. We have been married for almost 4 years. I jumped in with both feet, eyes closed. I have never been comfortable with being alone. Always had a boyfriend, got married right out of high school. Everything for me has always revolved around the relationship I'm in. After my second husband and I married I realized I didn't know him as well as I thought. ( How could I have after only knowing him 3 months, right.) He has a cocaine problem that is unreal. He has stolen money from me, pawned stuff, most recently both our wedding bands in addition to four other rings he gave me. He doesn't work and is going to school full time. I pay all the bills and support him and my five children. He has contributed very little in every way.

Every time I kick him out he manages to talk me into taking him back. I am so darn gullable and I want to believe him so bad every time he says things will be different, but it never happens. What is wrong with me. Why can't I muster up the courage to make him stay gone. How can I still love him after everything he's done and believe me, I haven't listed half of it. Friday was my birthday and he spent it across town getting high. Telling me that I'm co-dependent my be factual but is doesn't help me figure out how to get out of this without falling apart. Why do I feel like I need a man to feel like a whole person and why is that only dysfunctional men seem to be attracted to me. My first husband was a good man, but he had a lot of issues like my current husband. Please Help!

jonalisa · Jan 8, 2007, 09:04 PM

Originally Posted by Cinamon68

I'll try to make this short. I was married for 16 years to my high school sweetheart. We had five children together. He died on July 7th, 2002. Six months after my husband died, I met my current husband. We have been married for almost 4 years. I jumped in with both feet, eyes closed. I have never been comfortable with being alone. Always had a boyfriend, got married right out of high school. Everything for me has always revolved around the relationship I'm in. After my second husband and I married I realized I didn't know him as well as I thought. ( How could I have after only knowing him 3 months, right.) He has a cocaine problem that is unreal. He has stolen money from me, pawned stuff, most recently both our wedding bands in addtion to four other rings he gave me. He doesn't work and is going to school full time. I pay all the bills and support him and my five children. He has contributed very little in every way.

Every time I kick him out he manages to talk me into taking him back. I am so darn gullable and I want to believe him so bad every time he says things will be different, but it never happens. What is wrong with me. Why can't I muster up the courage to make him stay gone. How can I still love him after everything he's done and believe me, I haven't listed half of it. Friday was my birthday and he spent it across town getting high. Telling me that I'm co-dependent my be factual but is doesn't help me figure out how to get out of this without falling apart. Why do I feel like I need a man to feel like a whole person and why is that only dysfunctional men seem to be attracted to me. My first husband was a good man, but he had a lot of issues like my current husband. Please Help!

Been there.
You know what to do and just can't do it. You aren't ready. Sometimes you have to hit a point where you realize it hurts more to be in the relationship than it hurts to be out of it. But don't wait for that - you can turn it around. Call your local hospital and ask for a referral to a co-dependency counselor or information on Naranon. (see below)
These programs absolutely do work. Start going to meetings and you will find a new perspective and the strength to put yourself and your children first.

Naranon
Nar-Anon is a twelve-step program designed to help relatives and friends of addicts recover from the effects of living with an addicted relative or friend. Nar-Anon's program of recovery is adapted from Narcotics Anonymous. The only requirement to be a member is that you have experienced a problem of drugs addiction with a family member or friend. Nar-Anon is not affiliated with any other organization or outside entity and there are no dues or fees for membership.

Relocate

I'm rooting for you!

Cinamon68 · Jan 9, 2007, 09:13 AM

I know you're right, I'm not ready. I keep wondering what it will take. I will look into Naranon here where I live and if there is one I will go. Thank you for your response. You have given me a little ray of hope and hope is something I haven't had for a long time.

jonalisa · Jan 9, 2007, 09:19 AM

Good for you. Really, good for you. That's a first step and a positive one on a path out of your cycle. Don't give up, you are worth the fight. And remember, you can't take care of your kids until you take care of yourself. Go to a few meetings and don't worry if you don't feel it's helping the first time - go back again, I promise you will find the support, strength and perspective you need.
Feel free to send me a message if you need an ear.
jonalisa