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hotcakesnsyrup · Jun 10, 2007, 09:14 PM

I don't know if there is a way to link to my previous question that got a few replies about my boyfriend cutting himself, so if someone could tell me that'd be great. Anyway, I casually, and lovingly confronted him about it, and he did admit he was cutting himself, however he gave one heck of an excuse as to why he had been cutting himself.

He stated he cuts himself to relieve stress, the more stressed out he is, the more cuts he'll make, and when he went to his parents house they made a joke about brake lines on their car being cut, and that is how his closest friend was killed. He told me it brought back bad memories, so he left his parents, went to his own "spot" and cut his arm till he felt better.

I asked him why he tried to hide it from me, and he said he didn't want me to think he got in a knife fight, or get worried about him. But that's just it, even though I know all this, I am still worried about him a lot. I'm worried he might cut himself too deep or something.

JoeCanada76 · Jun 10, 2007, 09:19 PM

Yes, of course I would be worried if I were you. This person needs help.

I know you think it may be an excuse, but people deal with stress in different ways.

Some use drugs.

Some eat themselves to an early grave.

Some drink.

Some cut themselves.

These are all cases some more extreme with others. Your boyfriend needs to seek out counselers because this is very self destructive actions to take because of being under stress.

Joe

hotcakesnsyrup · Jun 10, 2007, 09:34 PM

I know, I was told told that in my other question, when it started, but he is starting to pull the "I can stop whenever I want" card, so I don't say anything, cause I don't want to start an argument, and him get stressed out again and start cutting himself again. I can't help but feel somewhat responsible for him doing this to himself.

grammadidi · Jun 10, 2007, 09:35 PM

You may want to read my post (#9) in this thread: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental...ink-69249.html to understand a little better. I don't believe your boyfriend's response was an excuse. I would try to encourage him to seek counselling with someone familiar with cutting.

Good luck!

Didi

grammadidi · Jun 10, 2007, 09:44 PM

Originally Posted by hotcakesnsyrup

I know, I was told told that in my other question, when it started, but he is starting to pull the "I can stop whenever I want" card, so I dont say anything, cause I dont want to start an argument, and him get stressed out again and start cutting himself again. I can't help but feel somewhat responsible for him doing this to himself.

YOU are NOT responsible for your boyfriend's actions. In fact, you are not responsible for anyone's actions (unless you put a gun to their head and force them to do something!), so try very hard to repeat that to yourself whenever you are feeling that way.

If he could stop, he would stop. Don't let his behaviour stop you from being you, however, try to use a lot of empathy, caring and understanding. With a good counselor and a supportive friend (you) he can get past this. The more appropriate question is: "Does he want to???"

You both have a rough go ahead of you, but it can be successful.

Hugs, Didi

hotcakesnsyrup · Jun 10, 2007, 11:43 PM

OK, now I'm really scared. We were watching the movie "The Mummy" and at the point where the guy was to be hangged, he said, "hmmm I wonder how you tie one of those noose knots, I immediately questioned him about it, and his reply was "what? I was only wondering! Can't someone just wonder how to tie those things?" so I got up, and hid his knives, and got on the computer, but I gotta go again now, I wanna keep an eye on him, just wondering are these "the signs"?

Lenovo · Jun 10, 2007, 11:47 PM

I'm not entirely sure of the current situation given, but if I were you I'd keep a VERY CLOSE eye on him.

grammadidi · Jun 11, 2007, 02:21 PM

If you feel that your boyfriend is a danger to himself, the best thing you can do is call 911. If he is attention seeking, that will stop fast. If he is joking, he will learn a new way to joke. However, if he is suicidal you will save his life. There is a point to which you can help by hiding knives, etc. If you try to help him too much you are enabling him and his behaviours will escalate. You must give it low attention, yet remain supportive, caring and loving, and, of course, get help if you feel he is serious. That is all you can do. You cannot stop anyone who wants to kill themselves from killing themselves. In addition, people who are 'cutters' are not generally suicidal. Of course there are exceptions, but in the big scheme of things the two are very different. Don't mess with what you can't fix or you may just be standing there alone. I repeat - if he is suicidal, get immediate help. Better to err on the side of caution.

Hope this helps.

Didi