[evisue]

Sorry for the long story, but I feel that I should explain as much as I can to clear everything out.

I've been dating this girl for almost five years now and honestly our relationship has gone through tough times this last month. I'm 26 and she's 24. We used to think that we have a pretty serious and steady relationship. We've even started to build a house together. The change occurred just about a month ago, where out of the blue she said she needed some space and was confused about our relationship. I was devastated about this and didn't know what to do or how to react. She doesn't give me any clear answers of what had caused this. So, it has been a rough and lonely two weeks where I've given her 'space' and time to reconnect with her friends. My friends have been telling me that maybe she is just not ready to move on with our relationship and feeling pressured by her parents or something else and don't want to be stuck with me. I respect and totally understand where she's coming from, although its hard but what I can do is to be strong for her and hope that she would come back. Finally we started to chat again but our relationship just doesn't feel the same as it used to be. She said to keep things slow which I agreed but it hit a breaking point where I went out clubbing with her and some friends one night where I caught her kissing with another guy whom we had just met that night! I was furious and stormed off the club and just made a decision to break things off with her. I didn't even want her to touch me let alone know her.
So, I just left and didn't want to take any of her calls, my friends keeps telling me to have my own space and leave her. But here I am again falling in love with her even more than before. She tried to email me, calling me, calling my workplace, so I finally agreed to listen to her reasons for doing such an act. She told me that she felt confused about our relationship and that she is constantly pressured by her parents to get married, she also stated that she feels a bit bored of being with me.

I've told her that we can either try to start again and work it out or we would go our separate paths. She agreed to stay with me and work it out, now I'm having second thoughts whether I should have taken that time alone for myself to re-think my actions and whether she is seeing someone else, which she told me that she isn't. In act of desperataion, I read through her sms and found messages where she had seemed to gain interest with another guy.

Should I try even harder to regain my love, or should I let her know that I would need some time and let her decide who she wants to go with? I'm really confused, I can only be hurt by her once. That's all.

[flow_girl]

Dear Evisue

I feel for you mate. I can understand where your coming from and the confusion your feeling. What your girlfriend did was wrong. Maybe it was just a mistake that night, where she kissed another bloke or maybe there was something else in it as well. Its hard to say. The only thing I can see from another girls point of view is that, she was feeling confused about the relationship, because moving in with someone is a big step and then being pressured by her parents wouldn't have made it easier. Sometimes when someone's feeling pressured they tend to takes out their problems on the people they love without realising it. So that night clubbing, was probably her way off letting go, trying to rid herself of the current pressures in her life and/or a chance for one moment not to have to deal with it. It wasn't the right thing to do and to still have text messages etc indicating otherwise isn't too good but this might at least help in understanding why she's suddenly acting like this.

The only thing I could further suggest is that whilst it is hard, you both have a break. Realise what you both want out of live, where you want to be in 5yrs time and decide whether that significant other is going to be part of that. It is hard but when you've had time apart to think, you do realise how much you love that person and how much you miss them, regardless of their past actions. I too have had this happen to me, so I do know what its like. I've chosen to forgive and forget and were a lot stronger for it. I may get hurt again but you've got to take that chance. Take the chance to forgive.

P.s the fact that she's been trying to call and email you shows that she feels guilty for what she's done and that she aware it was a bad mistake. She realises now that she could loose you and she just wants you back. For things to go back to the way there were just as much as you do. Your probably taking a little longer to feel right again because it is hard to let go and not remember that night.

[mckenzie134]

Sorry to say mate but if she can do that while you are there, she's not into you and she's definitely cheating. Do you really think that is the first time she has done that in the last five years!!

This is what I would say in the last month she has been hooking up with blokes which means she is starting to wonder weather she really wants to be with you or not. You have probably become a bit boring. Not to say that your boring but the problem is these other guys that she meets she does not know about so they seem interesting. When she gets to know them she won't like them as much its just a bit of a mystery at the moment.

Your ONLY YES ONLY ONLY option here is to competee. But this will be done my becomoing "Mysterious" yourself you must do this if you want her to realise she's losing a great guy.

You need to do what you are doing no answrering calls no emails do ABSOLUTELY nothing. You have to counter attack. She MUST realise your not hanging around she's losing you. The only reason she is getting bored WELL What she is really saying is Your not making me miss you your not making it interesting

SORRY to say even after 5 years she is pretty much still wanting some excitement in the relationship something extra which she gets from someone new and the reason she gets this is because the new person is unknown and she does not see him much and wonders. WELL you will now have to start to make her wonder. Next time she rings answer and tell her your too bus to catch up but you will call when yourve got a chance but you think you both need a bit ofspace to work things out.Tell her five years was a long time and you have seen a different side to her and your not to sure about things at the moment then say rve goota go...
Don't be afraid to lose her champ cause if she's going she will be gone anyway.

You need to makeherrealise your busy make you the guy who she is wondering about and you know what will happen thesother guys will ring and they won't be as important because she will be waiting for yout call.

5 years is a long time she needs a shock to wake her up youhave too do this. If she walks away then she was never staying If you chase her she won't be staying anyway and this will be because the other guys wiont bechasing and she will be missing them!!

Make yourself the guy that she misses!! That is what she is saying calling someone boring meansshe can see you to easily get busy and play hard,.

[Jiser]

I think its time to accept the harsh truth that its over and start the transition to single life. Its hard but whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger right? More wary in the future and aware what we are looking for in a relationship and a person.

Treat your relationship as a life experience, you might not be able to treasure the memories you had right now but one day you will. Do not regret but learn and move on, as someone much better is just around the next corner.

You must try follow these: (be strong)

1) Abide by no contact, ignorance is bliss so don't go near the 'grape vine'
2) Work on yourself entirely - hobbies, work, gym
3) Ever wanted to do something in your life? Nows the time
4) Spend more time with your friends and family and renew old social ties
5) Box every memory away and stay away from your fav songs for now - when you can look at it without feeling ill - Ur halfway there!
6) Time does heal :P It just takes a god dam while, but don't mope at home, go out, party, exercise - helps a hell of a lot

You don't need anyone to be happy.

The best revenge is to be happy yourself :]

[Nitika]

Well good that you got your old love back.. but according to me you should give time to yourself and think that you really love her or not.. When she was woth another guy the kind of reason that she gave u,is a stupid reason.. take a wise decision and let her go off from your life..

[mckenzie134]

Kissing another guy this should really tell you enough! SHE Doesn't WANT YOU AND THIS WILL ONLY GET WORSE!!

No one would do that if they were keen. I guarantee that mte.

Would you do that to her! 1

[evisue]

Thanks for all the answers guys, I really appreciate your help. It is a confusing world sometimes. I've risen back and took the opportunity to somewhat forgive her. You must think that I'm either a putz or someone who is just to in love or maybe even desperate that I would even consider to take her back. I've told her that she has made some mistakes and I have my doubts whether I should come back to her. She tells me that she is sorry and was confused as well, she is willing to take the time and leave that decision on my hands. Currently we're trying to start over again from scratch and see what the future may hold. If we're not meant to be together than so be it.

Right now I can only be strong (which Im actually the opposite of what I've just said above) and be prepared to see where our relationship might be. I've lost some friends in the process because I wouldn't listen to them or just being egoistic. I followed both my heart and my ego on this decision, and we'll see if it works out. If not than, I'll just have to beat myself and rise again without her...

[mckenzie134]

Great decision. But I was like that with my ex and she left 4 months later.. THIS WILL HAPPEN!! IM SORRY TO SAY..

You can change this but you must work on it. I Believe if you don't do what I tell you your out..

Weather you believe me or not the reason she leftvor kissed the other guy is that she was not that into you... at the time..

She bveen with you long enough so she did love you lots at some time.

You need to get this love back and mate there is only one way to get that back DISTANT!!

It sounds bad but don't put as much in let her put more in. LIke she says I LOVE YOU , you tell her I KNOW YOU DO BABE...

This is a must no sweet talk I know it will be hard but this is a MUST...

Your still along way from being back in TRUST ME ON THIS. Even in 4 months when she says how great it is all going. REMEMBER back to when she dumped you this could happen at any time...

Whatever you do for the next year don't show any reall love and feelings cause you will just lose her. Take it slow 5 years has been a long time but when you get back together 90% does not work out. WHY?? Cause when the next guy comes along your out...

Whatever you do don't be jealous if she goes out . If you think she is picking up doesn't m,atter you don't control her all you can do is improve youyrself. Make yourself a better person and tell yourself if it doesn't work in 6 months I will be in a better position tyo handle it than I was last time.

The more you allow yourself not to worry and think if she leaves I will vbe OK the more likely she will want to stay.

Girls want a challenge even after 5 years she still wants to know you're a challenge. As hard as it may be become a challenge.

I don't know what your life involves at the moment and you probably want to spend all your time with her. Well take a chance either find a hobby or get something which will take up some of your time and let her sit home and wait for you. Be busy even though you want to spend most time with hr. Have more of your own life this will draw her towards you more. I know people say when yopur mmarried you spend every day together but this is why marriages FAIL You don't have to spend ALL YOUR TIME TOGETHER HAVE YOUR OWN INTERESTS... Have things which don't include her... This will make her miss you and love the time she does get to spend with you even more valuable. Your whole relationship will improve with this.

You said she thinks you been BORING all this is that you are to available... I can't stress this enough don't be available. You are now returning to the start of the relationship. When you first met you did not be all over her every day and as hard as it must be after 5 years to begin again this is the best option time for yourself. If she can't always contact you then you will become less BORING.


Calling people boring or things like that What she really means is you have been around all the time and The same old thing. That's why even though she does not know these other guys who she may be texting and you say to yourself but she's had 5 years with me well MATE its simple she doesn't know these guys so they are mysterious she can't just ring them and chat she cantr just see them and slllep or kiss them they are a challenge she is unceretain about them!!

You know how you do this you make her uncertain about you , she's uncertain about these guys and she seems tonot call them bnoring, just get busy and do things just for you she will realise your not always around and she will start to pursue you therefore becoming a challenge..

DO IT NOW BECOME THE CHALLENGE


Let us know what your going to do? /

[evisue]

Oh wow, thank you very much mckenzie134. What you've described just then is totally what I needed to hear. It just makes me re-think my whole perspective of life and relationship. Yes! I will stand-up and I will change, this is one of those do or die moments. Since I've lost her, I've got nothing left to loose in life, but that was a wrong way of thinking. I've got lots of stuff to do and catch up on. I have to go back and work on my friendships and fix myself. I'll definitely take your advice and will not let myself further drown into my emotions. I've got a life of my own as well, and its time to change and start living again. It may be hard, but I won't be thinking that I'm doing this all just to get her back, this is one thing that I would need to do for myself and my future. The past has passed and the future has yet to be written. Thank you :)

You've put the smile back again!:p

[flow_girl]

Its good to see your smiling again. The advice mckenzie134 gave is great. It will be hard but you can do it. You need to gain your friendships back and realise for yourself, what you want in life. I myself have to do it to, after just breaking up with my partner. As long as the friends you do have stay by you, you can get through anything.

[Larjada]

You have answered your own question. You know the answer (SPACE) and some more
(SPACE).

[Amberzcooler09]

To be completely honest with you, I believe you should just let it go. That's no reason for her to be kissing some other guy when you ll are getting ready together. And she wouldn't of told you she needed space if she didn't already have someone else on the side too. SO drop her like a hot potato...
Much love
Amber

[emopunk7]

Why did you break up flow girl and when? Good luck evisue!