[rileyma]

My girlfriend and I had a great relationship for about 5 months. Then she all of a sudden decided that she wanted to date others while still dating me. Since then she has just blown me off and treated me with a ton of disrespect. She has left me one voice mail and one e-mail giving some lame excuse as to why she can't get together. I know that she is lying through her teeth. I want to tell her how disresectful she has been and how much it hurts my feelings. Why can't she just be honest and tell me that she's not interested anymore?! I haven't contacted her for 1 week but would love to get some of this off my chest. I just can't believe how crappy some people can be! So, should I contact her and let her know how she is making me feel or should I just leave it and move on?

[phillysteakandcheese]

You should just move on. There's no point in exploding at her over how mad you are - If she is basically a good person, she already knows how poorly she's treated you. Just leave.

If you need to get things off your chest, write it down. You'll be able to better articulate how you are feeling and what it is that truly upset you if you work through writing it down.

[letmetellu]

Why give her the satisfaction of dumping you and also the satisfaction of knowing that she (Broke Your Heart) so to speak. I don't know the girl but it is possible that you are just another in her cap. Plus why would you even want to have any contact with someone that you is a liar and has so much as told you by the silence that she wants nothing to do with you. Find another girlfriend, don't fall so fast for her, let things progress on there on time, it could grow into true love. There is so much divorce now days because couples don't get to know each other, there is a thing called courting, it is kind of out of fashion now but it was the best way for a couple to get to know what the other person was like.

Good Luck in the future and with future girlfriends.

[rileyma]

You should just move on. There's no point in exploding at her over how mad you are - If she is basically a good person, she already knows how poorly she's treated you. Just leave.

If you need to get things off your chest, write it down. You'll be able to better articulate how you are feeling and what it is that truely upset you if you work through writing it down.

Are you saying that you think that I should e-mail her how I feel? That is what I was going to do. I would love to tell her how disrespected she has made me feel. I would feel so much better without the lies!

[diya]

No... do not write emails or anything... that action may bug her... I have myself made these kind of mistakes earlier... and I know it leads to lot of confusion, puts the other on the defensive which you should avoid. Give it time... move 3 steps back... for a few days... let's say 2 weeks... and then come back here with the latest update.

[phillysteakandcheese]

Write it down for yourself. Not her.

I think you should write out your feelings, but I would not send anything to her at all.

[rileyma]

Write it down for yourself. Not her.

I think you should write out your feelings, but I would not send anything to her at all.

I have written it all down. I can't say that I feel better about it but I guess it's a way to deal with it without putting negative feelings on her.

[huno]

Don't bother telling her. Just walk away, deal with your anger on your own and move on. You'll only boost her ego if she knows she has that much control over you and has the power to make you suffer.

Besides, if she sees you taking it very casually, she'll even become insecure about herself (Why isn't he chasing after me? Aren't I good enough for him?). That's a great way to make her feel like crap. :)

[rileyma]

Don't bother telling her. Just walk away, deal with your anger on your own and move on. You'll only boost her ego if she knows she has that much control over you and has the power to make you suffer.

Besides, if she sees you taking it very casually, she'll even become insecure about herself (Why isn't he chasing after me? Aren't I good enough for him?). That's a great way to make her feel like crap. :)

I wrote the following but haven't sent it to her:

'm sorry that you feel that you have to continue to lie. You are just making a fool out of yourself.

You know... I have broken up with girls but I have always been truthful with them and ended things on a respectful note. Not because I wanted closure but because I respected them and valued their feelings. As you know... I have always remained friends with those that I respected. You however, are not someone that I respect. You are not someone that is honest and sincere. In no way did I do anything to deserve this type of treatment and it's just a testimony to who you really are. You are a pathetic human being.


Is this too harsh?

[kirriky]

The whole idea of writing to her is a bit inappropriate. It's like you're begging her for attention, and showing how much this breakup has affected you. And maybe if she completely ignores this letter, you'll feel even worse.

And the letter itself is not 'harsh', but it does scream of resent. Give it a couple days, cool down, and maybe write her something less emotional.

[huno]

No, don't do it. Like kirriky said, you're trying to get her attention and all you'll end up with is her contempt. This note doesn't tell her she's a pathetic human being: it tells her YOU'RE a pathetic human being.

You're basically handing her your balls on a platter. Keep 'em for yourself.

(Oh, I don't actually think you're a pathetic human being... I'm just saying that's the impression she'll get. But you seriously shouldn't do it, it looks needy.)

[mckenzie134]

The best you can do is

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING>>SILENCE I GOLDEN

If you want to show her how bad she has treated you why would you write her a message and tell her..

If she indeed treated you this bad and you wanted to let her know you would not contact her at all that would be saying I am not contacting you because you have treated me in this way!!

Listen its like this if you write a letter it shows your upset she will just say yeah I treated him bad but what a wussy!!

If you no NOTHING then she may even call you and say hay what you doing. And this is when you say " YOU DISRESPECTED ME AND IM NOT INTERESTED IN PEOPLE LIKE THAT"

That is a different way and doesn't show that your needy it just says I don't get treated like that.

I know you want to tell her how bad she has done by you but let me tell you when she reads or hears it she will just say either OK fine or something which will just make you even angrier. She won't say Im soerry I know I hurt you.

When you really thinkabout it it does not matter what she says...

[talaniman]

I agree with all the posts here as any contact with her will only make you think the door is still open ad you will stay confused. Just disappear from her life and live your own. Throw away the note.

[Rockabilly1955mama]

Just move on. Close that door that woud make it seem open if you did keep contact with her.

Throw it away.

[rileyma]

I think that people who are extremely selfish don't see what they are doing to people. So, I thought the e-mail back would maybe enlighten her a little. Do you think that people will learn if they never hear any feedback?

[clarityseeker]

Rileyma, I've read through many, many stories on this site and your story parallels my own I think more than any other. I too have struggled through three weeks now of no contact after I found out through a mutual friend that my now-ex was seeing someone else while pretending that "the break" was nothing more than a need for some temporary space. And trust me trust me trust me, I've had the same urges as you to send an email that was actually far more vicious and pointed. But I think that the people here are giving you (and me, indirectly) the best possible advice. Let's not lie to ourselves. If we send it, two possible things will happen. Either she won't respond - result? You'll be more mad. Or she will respond, and will be on the defensive, and will either insult you back, or act all nice and condescending, with the unintended effect that she'll have an ego boost that she's still on your mind and has emotional control over you even after the break-up. Then you'll be forced to respond, it will turn into a war of words, and one person will have the last word. Either way, you'll feel like crap. Because any "feedback" you give will only be twisted by her either to show other people how "pathetic" you supposedly are, or to justify in her mind why she broke up with you. It will leave her feeling BETTER about her decision, not worse. She's not going to read your email and feel all guilty and beg for you back, which I know deep down is the response you desire (because I really thought about why I was doing this, and had to admit that that was deep down what I was looking for). Dude, I know it's soooooo frustrating from my own ongoing personal experience, but I think that, as I said, everyone who's posted is right. Just my two cents, but it's definitely a tricky question.

[rileyma]

Rileyma, I've read through many, many stories on this site and your story parallels my own I think more than any other. I too have struggled through three weeks now of no contact after I found out through a mutual friend that my now-ex was seeing someone else while pretending that "the break" was nothing more than a need for some temporary space. And trust me trust me trust me, I've had the exact same urges as you to send an email that was actually far more vicious and pointed. But I think that the people here are giving you (and me, indirectly) the best possible advice. Let's not lie to ourselves. If we send it, two possible things will happen. Either she won't respond - result? You'll be more mad. Or she will respond, and will be on the defensive, and will either insult you back, or act all nice and condescending, with the unintended effect that she'll have an ego boost that she's still on your mind and has emotional control over you even after the break-up. Then you'll be forced to respond, it will turn into a war of words, and one person will have the last word. Either way, you'll feel like crap. Because any "feedback" you give will only be twisted by her either to show other people how "pathetic" you supposedly are, or to justify in her mind why she broke up with you. It will leave her feeling BETTER about her decision, not worse. She's not going to read your email and feel all guilty and beg for you back, which I know deep down is the response you desire (because I really thought about why I was doing this, and had to admit that that was deep down what I was looking for). Dude, I know it's soooooo frustrating from my own ongoing personal experience, but I think that, as I said, everyone who's posted is right. Just my two cents, but it's definitely a tricky question.

Hey ClaritySeeker, I've read your story and we do parallel each other. Have you made any sense out of the way things went with your breakup? I don't know if I have or not. Man, I wish so much that I could get inside of her head and see what is and was going on. I know that there is another guy. I don't know 100% but my intuition tells me that it's so. Since the whole "I'd like to date others and you at the same time" she has pretty much blown me off. Nothing but lies now! I don't get it! Now I'm in self-preservation mode and not responding to any of her phone messages or e-mails

I just think that it's really crappy how someone can tell you that they love you one day all while playing the field the next day. I thought girls where the ones who were so emotionally attached. Has your girl contacted you since getting with the other guy?

You're right on the scenarios on if I would send the e-mail. I would probably end up upset either way. However, at least she would hear from someone else how crappy of a person she is being. Without hearing that she may go on forever thinking that this is appropriate behavior. Oh well, I guess that is her problem and not something that I should worry about.

[clarityseeker]

I've made absolutely no sense of how things went down in my situation, unfortunately. I figure it's virtually impossible to make sense of someone acting so suddenly insensitive! And, no, my ex has not contacted me or the mutual friend since I found out from him. The very simple way I've managed to stay NC is to think - if I contact her, I will be more confused, somehow. And you can't take it back, and will always wonder the outcome if you hadn't contacted her. In your situation, even if she hears from you how crappy you think she's being, she won't suddenly have some movie moment of realization that she's acted inappropriately. I think that if people have such realizations, it's on their own, without any prompting from anyone else. Otherwise, she'll just get on the defensive and see it as an attack. It sucks, though, I know, because it's so tempting to put someone in their place. But where will it get you? That's the question I ask when I've been tempted to send something. I think we both agree that it will get us nowhere.

[clarityseeker]

And I think a key thing to remember, too, and a bitter pill to swallow for me as well, is that they simply don't care as much as you do. So telling her off will only emphasize how much more you care about the outcome than she does. If she cared about you or what you think of her, she wouldn't have walked away in such a horribly insensitive way. She wouldn't have done what she did. I mean, would you do that to someone you cared about? Just trying to emphasize the point that telling her off is useless.

[rileyma]

I've made absolutely no sense of how things went down in my situation, unfortunately. I figure it's virtually impossible to make sense of someone acting so suddenly insensitive! And, no, my ex has not contacted me or the mutual friend since I found out from him. The very simple way I've managed to stay NC is to think - if I contact her, I will be more confused, somehow. And you can't take it back, and will always wonder the outcome if you hadn't contacted her. In your situation, even if she hears from you how crappy you think she's being, she won't suddenly have some movie moment of realization that she's acted inappropriately. I think that if people have such realizations, it's on their own, without any prompting from anyone else. Otherwise, she'll just get on the defensive and see it as an attack. It sucks, though, I know, because it's so tempting to put someone in their place. But where will it get you? That's the question I ask when I've been tempted to send something. I think we both agree that it will get us nowhere.

I know that it will get us no where to send a nasty gram. I think that if someone has the capability to be so selfish and insensitive then they probably would brush the nasty gram off very easily. They are into no one but themselves. I just hope that the whole "What comes around goes around" is true in this case. The unfortunate thing is that she could have just broken up without lying. Then if the time ever came to where we could get back together it would be possible. The way it stands now is that there is no chance in us getting back together, ever. I guess this is a testiment to how screwed up these girls are.

I think that the guilt of the other guys is why they can't simply break it off. I think that in both of our cases they were into the other guy before the were done with us. That's why my ex started crying. It was all out of guilt.

I am just going to leave this one be and move on in my search for Mrs. Right.