[hedgepig]

I had a termination over a year ago, before I got pregnant I wanted a baby but tried hard not to get because of money and family problems, after I got quite depressed and was pushing my boyfriend away and didn't want any physical contact, but was surrounding myself with children because I'm really good with them and they love me and I love being with them, I started to get better at the start of this year and just crave having a baby. I feel like I cannot do anything until I have a baby but still the situation is no better so I can't. I just have to have substitues instead. I also feel so bad about the termination and know I should have a nearly year old baby by now. I have always wanted to have kids, but never really so bad. I don't know what to do. I try to carry on like normal but its hard.

[NowWhat]

What you are feeling is guilt. You now want what you have lost and feel regret for the way it was lost. You have to forgive yourself for what you have done. As there is no way to go back and change the past.
The best thing you can do now is to figure out what it is you want out of your life. If it is a child - then you need to work hard to get yourself in a better position to provide for yourself and a child. You need to work hard to achieve your goals.

The pain of what you are going through never really goes away - but in time, it will not consume your every thoughts as much as it does now.
Good Luck to you.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, what you are going though is very normal and happens to a large percent of people that have gone though what you have.

You may want to look into counseling if possible, often there is low cost available though the county social services. As time goes on, it should get better, but many have times when it comes back,

Good luck and seek professional help ifyou need it.