[Grayfox]

so I've been dating this girl now for about... ehhh roughly 7 months. Im the type of person that has difficulty dating girls who have done things with other guys. I usually believe in having sex after marriage, but I myself made a mistake with my first girlfriend and my only girlfriend before this. Anyway, this girl had been known to be somewhat permiscuous in the past by many people. When we first met I was completely wasn't interested in her, but after a while she began to become somewhat inriguing. She told me everything she had done and we both confessed pretty much everything that we were one random night. At this point it was only a matter of time before I asked her out, it was difficult for me to get over the guys in the past, but I did because I wanted to be with her. She had changed a lot and we weren't having any problems at all, shed never cheat, shed never indulge herself in the ways of her past again. Anyway at the beginning she was somewhat oddly sexual, even before we started dating she tried to kiss me all the time. She even asked me to perform a level of sex on her with my hand which I refused and she later apologized for. After we started dating I decided that I wanted to do stuff with her, she had let go of asking me things because she had felt bad and gross for it in the first place, so we did stuff and have for about 3 months every now and again. She's been completely faithful until now. It turns out that the long list of guys which we talked about so very much because it bothered me, was actually not all of the list. She's always been honest and had told me about some fairly serious things. However, she was now telling me about more things. Were talking about going from about 8-14. Anyway I was pretty hurt by this but put it behind me after a very long and emotional conversation with her that lasted many hours. That was the last time for another month or so that we even talked about that stuff. Suddenly I get a call from a friend of mine who tells me that a friend of his said that he had also done stuff with her. I was outraged that after the amount of work we had put in to it that she wouldn't tell me about something like this. She admitted to it and claimed that she forgot because I felt I couldn't trust her. After about 3 days we worked it out and I trusted her she wrote me a list of everyone and gave me her absolute word that it was everyone and everything, so after a while I trusted her and ripped it up. We eventually were getting things back together and tonight through a friend once again, I found out something she denied about sex with another guy, I dug it out of her and eventually she admitted it acting like it was something so personal she couldn't tell me. Yet, all of the other times were fairly similar and one of them was actually worse, after a ridiculous conversation I made her feel so bad that she poored her heart out to me, and told me about at least 5 other guys shed done stuff with or kissed, and then a few other situations she had lied about, she was crying and insisting that she wasn't like this anymore and she had done so much that sometimes she forgets. I am so upset right now I don't even know what to say, I thought she was being honest, she's demonstrated the characteristics, but after tonight I just don't know if I can trust her again. I don't know what was wrong with her but she regrets it... I just don't know if being as frail as I am with these things if I will be able to handle it and still have a good relationship with her. Id like to add that I am 18, she is 17, I'm graduating this year headed to college, we are both very mature people despite what this may sound like, I know its not very cohesive. Any advice or questions would be most appreciated, I just really need to know what I should do, I really care about her, but things like that really hurt me and bother me in the first place, I don't like girls with a ridiculous past and she's been with around 20 guys (at least kissed) by the age of 17 and I've been with 2 including her. Not to mention she lied about so much of it perhaps to keep me from ending it or just because she forgot, she never seemed to spare the really bad things, she just didn't ttell me all of it. Someone tell me what I should do.

Thanks,
Dane

[fix-what-you-broke]

First of all I stopped reading when I got to the part about her giving you a list of the people she slept with.my thoughts up to that point were that, if it was ME, if I was your girlfriend, I wouldn't want to be with you.dont take that to heart, I don't mean it in that way, its just from what you write, I couldn't handle the pressure.
OK, she had a past from BEFORE you met her, as did you, and nobody says she even had to tell you who she had slept with before you... im all for having a light hearted talk about these things, but to give her grief for her past is wrong. Simply.. get over it.
You say she has been faithful to you, if you can't handle her past and it conflicted with your morals you shouldn't never have slept with her really.
Its like me saying... I hate cops.. then start dating a cop, then after time resenting that's he's a cop...
What I am trying to say is this, if you like this girl, give up what you are doing as it will push her away, so she had sex before she met you, what's the problem? She's with you right? She doesn't cheat right? What more do you want?
I can live in a fantasy world... I can erase the women my partner had sex with before he met me, I can also imagine that he was a virgin saving himself for the right person... but you know what? I'm not going to waste my time doing that,because I would rather concentrate on our future together rather than waste my time thinking of what he did before he even knew me.

[DocWill]

I thought for a while, maybe I'm mistaken but I can't recall even this topic to be mentioned in any of my past relationships. Much less thought of. If that list would have been handed to me I would have asked her to explain her expectation with such inappropriate respect of my feelings. I understand either party in the relationship should be held liable or responsible for past events such as that. Excluding herpes or even other incurable std's
So eagerly offered unknowingly. I wouldn't personally offer much if any of my time. I will give her credit for her ability to manipulate with basically little or no detection or great difficulty at all. If you take a minute to reread your original question, you have already answered your own question. Good luck with any choice you act on.

Sneeking in a short agnoledgment and tipicaly fun reading fix's views and oulook on personal and popular life events as seen from her view.

[Grayfox]

I appreciate the help, I would also like to add that there are many days where I feel completely over it, even large periods at a time, but every now and then it slips back into my memory and drives me nuts. Any idea why it bothers me so much? Honestly I don't want it to... I feel unfair but I really don't think she could understand what its like to cope with something like that, by the way she is 17 years old... shes kissed 19 guys, had sex with 4, and participated in other sexual activity with 9... its just tough for me having been against that stuff all my life because I really like this girl... alot... and I do believe she's changed, I just really want to find a way to get over it... I don't like it bothering me and I think the only reason it does is because I care about her, when she was a friend it didn't bother me at all... any suggestions?