[Raazipond]

If you talk to me or communicate with me you will not see any difference in me from a regular sensibe person. But the below things get me think that I have some problems. Or am I simply normal?

1. I had (I believe sung a song loud when at work and my co-workers heard it really loud). I am normally quiet person and people noticed me. But I have no clue that I actually sang a song aloud that people can hear.

2. From an hour before I am awake in the morning I have scary dreams, and feel completely lack of energy and feel its easier die than suffer.

3. I am agitated with most people around and am easily angered.

4. I am scared of my future and feel there is no one for me and my family( I am not married) will soon be away from me.

5. I am not good enough.

6. I tend to behave in a pecuilar way when in a crowd. I am not just the normal.

7. I pass wrong image that I am arrogant or a tough girl, I am very mild and straight forward, in reality.

8. Feel I have cheated my family and I cry aloud most of the times and feel like running away.

I will give you a background to this also about 6 months ago..

1. I got into a wrong relationship and got engaged to a guy.
2. It was a big affair and more like marriage.Many were invited and we were going around more like a cool couples.
3. Few months later, I had understood that he was a fraud and that he had dumped many girls, and many claims from him were wrong.
4. I had to call off the relationship. This meant shame to me and fmly.

Since then, I have been like very lost and uncomfortable most of the time. I am overly confused with the thoughts that hit me and the way I was going around with him and feel very embarrassed to see people.

WHAT should I do. I am lost!:(

[JoeCanada76]

I have to ask you a question? Why would you break up with a marriage because of things that you found out about him before you two got married. That should have been left in the past and does not make him a fraud. Especially if he truly loves you. Maybe you're the one with the issues and you know it is true but you do not what to face up to it.

Joe

[Raazipond]

Joe, I was in an abusive relationship.When I asked questions about his mysterious moves- like cutting the conversation over the phone abruptly when he spots me or suddenly closing the window of a website that he was seeing etc. hurt me a lot. I tried to talk to him, tried to listen to him and help him out- no luck.
He was constantly abusing me petty things that were not even worth a discussion.
e.g.. Too many questions when I meet a friend of mine in a shopping mall.. asking if we were in a relationship etc..
I was madly in love with him and tried to forgive these things. I think I forgave him thinking the emabarassment of the breakup in the family-- like I told you the announcement was a huge event.
I felt I was walking on egg shells when I was with him...
Please advice...

[Illusion]

It sounds like you feel upset about your relationship being over. You may be beating yourself up because it didn't work out. It sounds like you made the right decision in getting rid of this guy. It is necessary to know someone when you plan to marry them. I would make no commitments until you feel safe and comfortable with someone.

The problem is that you are thinking very badly about yourself. To think you are not good enough is like a knife going through your heart - even if you are the one saying it to yourself. Begin at once to recognize that you are a part of this universe, you are whole and complete right here and right now. You are a divine spirit by the very virtue of being a part of this universe.

You sound like you are anxious - the scary dreams are just part of how you are dealing with your anxiety. Let go of all ideas that are hurting you. You are going through a disappointment and some of the things you describe are your way of dealing with this. Know that you will get through this. I hope that your family understands that break-ups happen and that you will find a new love in the future. I'm not really clear about why you feel you cheated your family if you broke up with someone? Was your family expecting you to go through the marriage no matter what? I hope not because things change and we don't always have control over a situation.

Sometimes you know we get into situations because they reflect back to us what we need to change. If your boyfriend was abusive then the universe could be showing you that you need to give yourself the love and support that you need. Are you harsh with yourself? Do you think negative of yourself and what you do? Perhaps your family is not supportive of you and has criticized you when you needed help? Know that you can change and you will. You can learn to be and stay more confident.

Remember this - your thoughts create your feelings. Begin at once to build a safe internal environment for yourself. Whatever happens, it is outside of yourself. Within yourself, find a place of comfort and security. Know that the universe supports you in all you do. The very universe we live in holds nothing against us - ever. You have acceptance and you can change your life. You do this by making positive affirmations. Say, "I now let go of the past. I release all sorrow and pain. I am safe and well. I have love and support from my family. I am divinely led to make the right decisions at all times. I am goodness, truth and success. I find friends and love wherever I go. I accept good things in my life." Blessings.

[chippers]

Okay, take a deep breath and let it out slowly. You are mentally okay. You sound depressed and anxious about the ending of your relationship and feeling you disappointed your family. If you had married him, knowing he was abusing you and hiding things from you, then you would be hurting yourself . When a relationship ends, you grieve because in affect something as died, but in retrospect, something has also come about. Namely your backbone. You knew what he was doing and refused to take it. That you desrved better from him and anyone else. Don't concentrate on your future but take it day by day. Get your head together. Talk to a councelor who can help put things in perspective for you.
Talk with your family and let them know what he was doing to you. People are sneaky for a reason. They don't want to include you in a certain part of their lives. Those people can't be trusted. For all you know he could be addicted to porn sites or have another girl on the side. Neither of which you should have to accept.

[Raazipond]

Say, "I now let go of the past. I release all sorrow and pain. I am safe and well. I have love and support from my family. I am divinely led to make the right decisions at all times. I am goodness, truth and success. I find friends and love wherever I go. I accept good things in my life." Blessings.

Thanks a lot.
This actually helps!

[Raazipond]

don't concentrate on your future but take it day by day. .

Ya, sometimes I panic wondering what needs to be done if this person comes again in my life to confuse it, worse still, if I am settled with another partner.. is that only a fear?

[FLAMEonfire]

Hi, first do you know how many women get themselves into an abusive relationship and STAY THERE. Girl, I give you so much credit. You did one of the hardest things anyone has to do, You walked away... GOOD FOR YOU. Now you have to get over the damage he did to you. And he did do damage. All those feelings you have now are from the things he either did or said to you. He's gone, and now you have to put yourself back together again. You may need help doing that. The other writer was correct, you might want to speak with a professional mental health expert. And there's no sin in that. After what you've been through, anyone would need help. If you don't want to talk with an expert, do you have one really close friend! If not, do you go to church? Can you talk to someone there? Or there are groups to join. You wouldn't even have to talk right away. Just sit and listen to what the others are saying, you may find it sounds every familiar to you. Sounds like what you yourself have gone through. See how others respond to that woman, and then when you feel comfortable maybe you will want to talk with the group and share. In any case, I wish you Good Luck, and take care of yourself! You'll be fine if you give yourself the time to be! PS: If he tries to come back into your life... THROW HIM OUT! You don't need him ! That's even if it takes calling the police on him for harassment...

[Raazipond]

Thanks a lot, my friend. I do have good friends, and a very understanding family. They have been great support. I am OK sometimes. But at times, I need someone and I feel I am dependent on them and wasting their time to talk about the same thing over and over.. and they usually advice me to take things ahead and forget the past. Sometime the wound is too deep to heal.. Frankly, it's a wave.. some time I get into that past and get lost in that mistake etc..
I must admit you guys have been very understanding and taken time to understand my problem. Sitting in some corner of the world

[Fr_Chuck]

First no one is normal and I sometimes doubt if anyone is completely sane, We all have problems and issues in our life. And we all deal with them very differently. You have been hurt, and no matter if it was the right choice, it was your choice to make. Each thing by itself is something that happens to everyone from time to time. But it is all of them together if they are happening all the time, that may ( or may not ) be creating a problem.

BUT:::: since it is bothering you, it is a problem. And as such there is nothing wrong at all in getting professoinal counseling to help you though a problem, many of us have ( and most should) use a couselor from time to time to help make relationships work, and to find and understand the importance of things.

[Raazipond]

Hi guys
If I am now seeing a guy, should I tell him about my past relationship at the first or second meet? Or wait till I like him? Will that be late if I wait for long and mean I cheated on him?
If I do tell, what all should I tell him? And what should I not tell?