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Jessica713 · May 9, 2007, 08:53 AM

My guy and I have been together for over 4 years. We have a daughter and are expecting another baby in Sept. We are not married. He is a catholic and has been for a long time. He and his ex were married in a catholic church. They got divorced and have 2 children together. He also has another child who lives in a different state. His ex has been working on getting an annulment for the past year. He does not want it. He is upset that she wants to erase their whole history. I understand that, but I believe he needs to move on. I am not of any religion. I would like to be a participant, I do believe in GOD, he wants our children to be catholic. Many times in the past year since his ex has been trying to get the annulment, he has been having these episodes where he wants to fix things with GOD. Us being together right now, we are living in sin because we are not married and he still is in the church. He has brought this up several times, wanting to live right by GOD and wanting me to leave and changing his mind. There were times where he wanted to fix his relationship with his ex. There is so much more to this, we've had problems in the past where he was addicted to porn and it lead me to cheating, he left me then we got back together and I heard that he cheated which he denies, we aren't affectionate anymore, he doesn't even help me do anything around the house, and he stays out drinking every night after work. But it all comes down to this. I am so confused on what to do with this relationship. I used to want to get married and wondered if we ever will, we almost did once but I blew that when I cheated. I don't want to anymore. I feel like I am just with him because we are about to have another child, but I know that won't last either, based on the post I wrote under child custody. Staying together for the kids is never a good reason, but they will end up getting hurt no matter which way it turns. I don't know why he's with me, or why I am with him. What do I do?

NowWhat · May 9, 2007, 09:14 AM

You trust your instincts. No one deserves to live in a loveless relationship. Just remember that the two of you are setting an example of what a relationship is supposed to look like - to your kids. And just ask yourself "is this what I want for my kids?"
It will be an adjustment for them (well the one you have right now) but, 2 happy parents apart are better than 2 miserable ones together.

You do know that without an annulment - you can not get remarried in the catholic church. I don't know if that is even an issue - but thought I would put it out there.

Jessica713 · May 9, 2007, 11:32 AM

Yes, I know that without the annulment we can't get married in a church. Without the annulment, he won't marry me any way possible. I don't really know if he wants to marry me anymore, but neither do I. There's just too much of a connection between him and his ex, I know that's the real reason he won't marry me. I know with kids they will always have a connection. I can handle that. But he talks to his ex about OUR problems, and other non-kid things. That and he drinks a lot, he's untrustworthy, he doesn't go to church because he's with me, there's so much negative crap between us. I don't know if I am just making up excuses, but this relationship has been rocky from the get-go...

NowWhat · May 9, 2007, 01:48 PM

I think you know the answer to your own question. Do not marry this man, it will not end well. Move on now so you can get on with the rest of your life. There is a man out there that can put you first.

He should NOT be talking to his ex about you - at all - unless he wants to tell her how happy you make him.
He doesn't go to church because he chooses not to - not because of you - that is a cop out.

You are not making up excuses - you are seeing the red flags and figuring out what you should do.

Like I said, I think you know what should be done and you needed someone else to say it. It's time to move on, sister!